Rang Badalti Odhani


Rang Badalti Odhani
Rang Badalti Odhani

SS - Tere Khusboo Mein Base Khat- EPILOGUE Pg 13 (Page 3)

iluvmanar IF-Dazzler

Joined: 09 October 2010
Posts: 3052

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 6:37am | IP Logged
o saaz dear..u r just 2 good...ab shanak ko chhor kar Mad-sun...not bad...it's so good....and keep continue...

saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 9:45am | IP Logged

THANKS GUYS..really appreciate...shall write individual thanks too

shall be posting Part 2 soon

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saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by tvrasika

I wrote a big post but it got lost. Oh well... loved the SS. Pls continue:)


I insist on you rewriting the big post,,,,I swear you have to......
saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 1:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by togepe30

Awesome....I liked....Very deep and Reflective !
And REAL !!!!!!!!!
I could feel the emptions....And yes this is how it should have been...Afterall they did have a love marriage for god's sake....It wasnt a forced arranged marriage....!
I absolutely adored it !!
P.S- M back everyone...My first post after coming back...Hehehee !! M glad its on Saazyy's topic !!

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG......aap vapas aagaye......

AWWW VANDOOO MERI BANDHOOOOO....you were sorely missed.....you were....

and hamare bhagya,,,

your first post is my SS....

great to know you had a good time in the backwaters....Big smile...sab paap dhul gaye ke nahin????Big smile

Missed you loadsHug

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aditee IF-Rockerz

Joined: 31 May 2006
Posts: 7594

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 1:25pm | IP Logged
BERRY Nice saaz
 Goes to show there is so much to them as hubby and wife
Ek dum achha
love u loads
pleej cantin you
saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 2:40pm | IP Logged

@Sneha...Hugfor being the first one to comment...after my torments...Tongue


@DocD...I loved that you loved it..Big smile


@Krishnaa....................lady in pink......I am so glad you noticed the use of the stanza as into the story...yes thats exactly what I am trying as the narrative....Tongue


@rafia...yes on your 'other characters'...I must admit...I didnt know how the response would be .. but your comment made me happyBig smile


@Bones and Sana....Thanks guys...this is my first attempt at something longer than my usual shanakisim...I must say I enjoyed writing it....


@Zenn...I was half expecting you to give me a potha analysis...like a tit for tat??Wink


@Ujjwala...Thanks dear...yes it is one of my favorite ones too...I was listening to the ghazal and then came up with this idea...


@naveen and @aditee... You are one of earliest and most encoraging shanakisim ka fans...your comments mean so much to me....Tongue

Edited by saaaz - 07 January 2011 at 2:46pm

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saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 2:49pm | IP Logged

part II coming soon...having format issues

Edited by saaaz - 07 January 2011 at 2:49pm
saaaz IF-Dazzler

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
...her feet automatically moving into the room'when she sees Khanak come and sit next to Sunil '.

Part II
And as soon as Khanak sits down, Madhavi sees Sunil take off his earphones and give Khanak a huge smile and that makes her smile ... She leaves them alone, glad that at least Khanak brings him some happiness. She feels the parchment paper material of the letters and smiles to herself, realizing it has been awhile since her heart smiled' 

Madhavi comes out from her bath, in high spirits lies down on the bed and starts to spread the letters, one by one playing a game she has always played with herself...trying to guess what is written in each letter without opening it. It has been awhile since she played this game. 

The last time she played it, she told herself, it had nothing to do with emotions, just a good memory game to sharpen her mind..arrey like how Sunil plays that dreaded Sudoko.  Chalo lets pick one'she shuts her eyes and picks one..Ah! Brown envelope...this one is of course Sunil's letter..boring color..just like him and iske andar aur bhi boring!! ..short and not sweet..other than the first line dear rasmalai nothing is sweet in this letter, arrey wohi wala hoga'.Aaj K-P-N-A-P'...Khane Pe Nahi Aa Paongaa..hmph!!! ..
kyoon kholu aur kyoon mood kharab karoon, chodo lets pick another one'she shuts her eyes again..and this time it is a mauve colored envelope..dekha..soothing color..aur unka boring color'arrey hamare colors hamare pyaar ke nishani the'anyways'is mein maine kya likha tha??? haan..yaad ayaa'yehi ki chaat wale ke paas sham ko 6'o clock sharp aajana.. 


Madhavi standing near the chaat shop waiting and constantly looking at her watch, cursing Sunil, what is irritating her more are the bunch of eve teasers constantly staring and teasing her. But she ignores them, she is used to it now, being a model comes with its 'perks'..ek hoarding pe chehra dekha nahi ki sab samajhte hai ki jiska chehra hai woh public property hai.. 

She suddenly sees Sunil approaching her ..half running and crossing the road'with his huge smile.. 

Sunil:  Hello sweetheart..
Mad:  What sweetheart?? Main kabse ruki hoon, poora adha gantha ho chukka hai, you know how much I hate waiting aur upar se these crackpots (pointing in the direction of the lafangas)
Sunil:  What do you mean aadha gantha?? Chithi mein tumne likha tha 6:30 ko milna
Mad:  Sunil, tum kya meri chithi padhte bhi ho'6:00 kaha tha maine'
Sunil:  Of course padhta hoon'tumne likha tha 6:30 milna rasmalai khane ka bahut man kar raha hai'of course tumne yeh nahin likha tha ki tum itni soondar lagne walli ho
Mad:  Wrong!! Maine 6:00 kaha tha aur yeh bhi kaha tha ki late mat hona..aur soondar tho main roj lagti hoon isme likhne ki kya baat hai'(smiling a little)
Sunil: Oh ho'ab chalo meri rasmalai'mujhe bahut bhook lag rahi hai
Mad: Tum bhi na'main tumse jyada der naraaz ho hi nahi sakti

Seated in the chaat place on the bench and eating from each others' plate. 

Madhavi (suddenly yelling and fanning her tongue): Mirchi 'mirchi'.tumhe pata hai na ki mujhe mirchi lagti hai'tho order kyoon karte ho'
Sunil: Arrey maine apne liye order kiya tha'tumhare liye thodi'calm down 
Madhavi: Calm down, ek to tum der se aaye, upar se mujhe paani deneke bajay..calm down keh rahe ho..
Sunil:  paani aane mein time lagega'yeh lo thodi rasmalai kha lo..And he feeds her some'

the goons standing outside watch them and start teasing''thodi rasmalai humse bhi le lo'phir dono ki photo magazine mein ayega"

Sunil begins to get up'Madhavi stops him'."ignore them, Sunil...please lets go from here'They start walking back towards the station'Madhavi can sense his anger, his somber walk minus his usual chatter'.she wants to diffuse it..she cannot bear to see him angry, she misses him already with him being just next to her'

Mad: Please gussa thook do na..tumhari kutkut miss kar rahi hoon'
Sunil: Tumhe pata hai na ki this cannot be a permanent thing, my mother is quite orthodox..I made this very clear to you right in the beginning..
Mad: Haan haan,  hundred times bol chuke ho..ki tumhari wife naukri nahi kar sakti
Sunil: that's where you are wrong, Ma ki problem naukri se nahi, yeh modeling, acting vagera se hai '
Mad: Have you even tried talking to her? Kabhi unki raai poochee bhi hai ya'
Sunil: Please Madhavi, don't make me do this, I don't want to be in a position to choose..., 

he holds her face right there on the pavement of a busy Dadar street, with hawkers and beggars on one side and buses, autos and motorists on the other..However his words drown all of those sounds'when he says.."Mujhe tumse bahut pyaar hai, I love you and shall love you forever, I love everything about you, tumhari baatein, tumhara saath, tumhara rootna, tumhare khat..mere liye yeh sab bahut anmol hai'Main kuch bhi nahi tumhare bina..please Madhavi..Haan kehdo" 

Madhavi breaks from her trance, tears flowing down her eyes'she opens the mauve envelope and takes the letter out'she reads her neat handwriting'through her tears..  

Ai kutkut 

Sharp 6:30 milna 
Rasmalai khane ka bahut man kar raha hai
Aur suno, main seedhe shoot se aa rahi hoon
So no matter how I look
Kehna ki I look beautiful okay 


Her tears don't stop flowing........

Jinka har lafz mujhe yaad pani ki tarah
Yaad the mujhko jo paigam-e-zubani ki tarah
Mujhko pyare the jo anmol nishani ki tarah 

Tere khushboo mei basey khat mai jalata kaise
Pyar mei dubey hue khat mei jalata kaise
Tere haathon ke likhe khat mai jalata kaise
To be continued..

Edited by saaaz - 07 January 2011 at 3:07pm

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