Joined: 06 April 2008
Joined: 06 April 2008
Joined: 06 April 2008
I don't remember how I got up from by bed & then into the car with Mayank beside me'mayank was driving and I was looking lifelessly out of the window at the assortment of various building's in this busy city'Mumbai the city where I was born and brought up'a city which I used to hate as it took away my parents from me'
I Samrat ..The Samrat Singhania'the only heir to the huge Singhania Group of Companies..which was built from scratch by my dad late Mr.Sanjay Singhania & my mom late Mr's Revati Singhania..I still remember that fateful day in 1993 when I was just 6 years old'
My birthday was coming in a month & I was making a list of all the things I want to have for my birthday..I was sitting peacefully on my bed wearing my favourite Tom & Jerry t-shirt(I still have that shirt) and chewing the back of my pencil as I was confused about whether I want a chocolate cake or a strawberry cake for my birthday party'
When there was a knock on my door(yes!! People knock on my door when I am at my place even then when I was a child because I was after all the son of Mr.Singhania)..
I remember feeling very annoyed at whoever was knocking as he or she disturbed my importaint decision maknig process'
"mein kaam kar raha hu kya hai?? Jaldi bolo??"..i said while trying to imitate my dad's most irritating tone which he used whenever he was disturbed'I adored my dad'!!
I remember that when Choti ma(mayank's Mom-she was my parent's best friend and stayed with us with Mayank after her husband died and worked as my parent's assistance in the Company) came in I told her
"Choti ma'.!!!! Aap inti jaldi office se kaise aa gayi????accha hai'ab aap mujhe batayi na ke mein birthday pe kaunsa cake katu???Choclate ya strawberry..aapko pata hai na ke mom dad aj sham ko jab meeting se wapas ayenge to mujhe unhe list dena hai'"'I should have continued with my babbling when I looked at her face & was shocked to see that she was crying'I have never seen her cry before that day..the naive child that I was I asked her - "kya hua choti ma aap kyun ro rahi ho?Kisine apko data ?Mujhe bata o mein papa se bolke usko punishment diyaunga"
But she just took me in her arms and told me that we have to go somewhere'
The next few days went in a haze'I remember Choti ma telling me that my parents have become stars'.and I used to sit on our terrace for hours with Mayank and talk to them just as Mayank used to talk to his dad who also has become a star'It took us a few years to realise that my parent's and his dad are dead and that they are not stars'Mayank still now believes that his dad is a star but seriously I lost that belief when I finally realised that they were dead I was so mad'I hated them for leaving me'.hated choti ma for telling me that they are not really gone but has just become stars'hated this stupid city for taking away my parents from me'hated that stupid Bomb Blast that happened in this city which took away my parents'Even their bodies could not be found'all left of them was ashes and my dad's watch and my mom's pendant'
I lived with that hatred for years'..for so long that it seemed to be a part of what I am'.I eventually forgave Choti ma as she really loves me'but that really never stopped my hatred..I went through school'started seeing business from the age of 14..(I know sounds weird but when you are the only heir to such a fortune there is really no other option)'that's why I never took interest in commerce as by the time I joined Excel I knew more or less everything about how to handle a business..I took major in "Painting" because it gives me enough time to handle my business and also to pursue my passion Painting the only place where I used to find peace of mind'My dad loved painting'he used to paint whenever he got the time'I still use his canvas..I just love to get lost in the beauty of colours and how perfectly they balance various emotions like in a proper landscape one can easily reacognise the serenity of nature whereas in a proper portrait one can make out the emotion's playing in the face of the person who is the subject of it'Art was my personal heaven'.
Off course all this was before Gunjan came in my life'Gunjan'my angel as if she was sent by God to me in order to relieve me of all the bitterness that was inside me'in order to show me that the world has a lot of pure love to offer'we only need to recognize it when it comes our way'.I still remember that day when I told Gunjan about my parents-
We became fast friends after we first meet in front of the Bus'I learned that she was on an art scholarship and has come to Mumbai from Shimla'She loved Mumbai'she used to live in the girls hostel'I was amazed at how freely I can talk with her'I'who never trusted a stranger was somehow falling under her spell'!! Even after working the whole night on some tiring business project I used to be completely alert to go the college and that smile she gave me every time I went to the class and sat next to her(yes I sat next to her much to the annoyance to other so called glamorous girls in the class lol..) just about made my day..
It was another such day when I went to class and sat next to her'she was wearing a beautiful peach coloured salar kurta'and for a moment I just kept looking at her (it was the 4th month of our first year and somehow I always found myself gazing at her everyday..!! I was seriously thinking that I have gone mental..I mean she was just a friend I mean ok my best friend..but I stiill didn't understand why my heart always used to beat fast whenever I saw her'or whenever she smiled..or whenever she asked me something'Something was terribly wrong with me'Benji and Uday has already told me a dozen times that I am v.different when I am with her and even Mayank told me one day that something was visibly going on with me as I am always smiling for no proper reason at all..)'and then she said in her beautiful voice
'Hey Samrat'.tumhe pata hai aj meri mom ka birthday hai'aur maine unke liye yeh flowers kharide hai..kaise hai?" and she showed me a beautiful bouquet of white roses bound with one golden string'
"acche hai"'I said ignoring the sudden lump in my throat'she has a mom'I don't'I don't even have a dad'I don't have any parent's'I hate them.. I hate them for leaving me'I hate them for making me face the world alone I just hate''
"Samrat'!!! Kya hua tum thik to hao??" her voice brought me back from my sudden lapse in control'and I realised that in my hatred I have crumpled the piece of paper on which we were supposed to draw our sketch of an old big medieval vase that was kept in front of us'
"ha mein thik hu..i just need to get some fresh air"'I said to her pretty rudely and came out of the class'no one stopped me as there was no teacher in the class.Mrs.Gandhi had some administrative documents to file and that's why she has set us work and gone to the office'
I was suddenly angry'so angry that my eyes burnt'I was angry on Uday and Benji for having families'angry on mayank for believing in stars'angry on my parents for making me lonely..angry on myself for being so bitter and irrational and most importantly angry on Gunjan for talking about her mom in front me as that only has brought this sudden anger in me'I was so angry that I didn't realise what I was doing'.
"SAMRAT'!!!! Tum kya kar rahe ho????Chodo use'.please'"'.Why is gunjan shouting as if I am doing something horrible'and then I realised that she was trying to yank my hand from something and then I felt the pain'my hand was in tremendous pain'
"OW..!!" ok so I was so mad that I had grasped a cactus that was there in the lawn and so there were thorns all over my hand and it was bleeding'
She took my hand and I as angry as I was jerked it out of her hand..
"I am ok'mein apna khayal khud rakh sakta hu..Tum jao apni mom ke pass'Meri fikar karni ki koyi zarurat nahi hai'mein humesha akela raha hu aur reh sakta hu.." even when I was shouting on her I realised how irrational I was sounding as if she is guilty for having a mom'What is wrong with me????
"Samrat'!! Tum kya bol rahe ho?? Please mujhe apna hath do..tumhare haath se khun beh raha hai'please.."'and then her voice broke'.She was crying'Shit!!! I don't believe this I have made her cry'.But I was still to angry to say anything so I just left that place practically running'.I didn't want to see her crying as it was braking my heart and I knew that if I styaed there I would end up huging her'and telling her everything about my life and I just can't do that..i can't make myself so vulnerable to another human being'!!
I went to the terrace and sat there and then it started raining'.I was glad that it was rainning as it left me free to cry to let my emotions flow unchecked'It was then when a felt a hand on my back..even without turning back I knew that it was Gunjan..what is she doing her??Didn't she realise how close I am to breaking down'and then she said-
"Samrat..tum mujhpe chilla sakte ho'mujhe apne aap se dur jane ko bol sakte ho.par iska matlab yeh nahi hai ke tum jaisa bologe mujhe waisa karna padega'mein yehi hu tumhare saath..agar tumhe aur chillana hai to chilla o par phir bhi mein yeahi hu'Tum ko sayed khud ka khayal rahna ata hoga par mujhe apno ko ekele chodna nahi ata'Tum chaho ya na chao mein tumhara khayal rakhungi'Sorry..!! Par kya karu tum mere sabse acche dost ho aur mere fost hi meri zindagi hai.."'.
That did it'.In that second I felt so weak so vulnarable that I needed to cling on to something..something tangible that will give me the hope of not being alone in this big world'I wanted to turn back and hold her hand and for once I wanted to let go'.and somehow I did that'I turned back and huged her waist as she was standing behind me and cried''.she said nothing she just let me cry and ruin her salwar with my tears'I don't remember how long I cried but finally by the time I was done the rain has stopped and it was dark,night has fallen.I looked at her and I realised that even she was crying with me..I took her hand and she finally sat beside me'.and then I finally said
"Kis liye?agar mujhpe chilla ne ke liye sorry bol rahe ho to uski zarurat nahi hai par ha agar abtak hath pe daya na laga ne liye sorry bol rahe ho to tumhe sorry bol na hi chahiye"'and then she took my hand'.and took out all the thorns from it and bandaged me hand'I don't know why but somehow while she was working on my hand-taking out thorns-puttings ointment-bandaging'.I felt the need to explain my weird behaviour to her and I told her EVERYTHING'''from my parent's death to my anger'Everything'
Then she looked up at me and I realised that her eyes had a v.different emotion it doesn't have pity which I feared that it will have but it looked at if she was trying to decide something'I was lost in her eyes'..then she broke the spell and said
"chalo meri mom se milne" and I went with her without asking a single question somehow I wa nted to be with her as if she was my muse'.I drove the car and she gave me directions'and finally we reached a place'I was stunned'it was the beach'..I looked at her all confused'she gave a small smile and came out of the car'.she had that enormous boquet in her hand she took of her slippers and walked slowly towards the water'.i watched her as she reached the water's edge and slowly he lowered the entire boquet in the water and let it flow'.
I coludn't understand her action's so I went over to her side and just as I opened my moth to ask her about what she was doing she looked at me and silenced my unspoken question my putting her long finger on my lips...Then she looked at her boquet which by this time was looking like a white pearl upon the vast expanse of the black sea water and said "Happy Birthday Mom"..
A lone tear escaped her eyes and she wiped it out with her free hand and then slowly she turned towards me and said-
"Jab mein 6 saal ki thi tab mein aur mere parent's ek cruze pe gaye the..Hum bohut khush the..Par phir ek din ek tufan aya aur humara jahaz dub gaya'Us hadse mein sirf dus survivours the Samrat aur unme se ek mein thi..par mere parent's usi hadse mein mujhe humesha ke liye chod ke chale gaye..Par mein ne tumhari tarah apni baki ki zindagi unke bina nahi unke saath guzari hai samrat'mein janti hu ke wo aj bhi mere saath hai mere dil me'aur humesha rahenge'Tum sayed viswas na karo par mujhe yakeen he wo tare ban gaye hai aur upar se humeshe mujhe dekh rahe hai'Tum dayed yeh kahoge ke taro ka scientific defination kuch aur hai'par Samrat mein apne dil ki sunti hu'aur mera dil manta hai wo tare ban gaye hai'Isilye aj bhi unke janamdin par mein unke liye ful lake unhe isim pani mein baha deti hu take wo upar se yeh dekh paye ke unki angel ko unka janamdin yaad hai aur mein aj bhi unse bohut pyaar karti hu'Humari Duniya bilkul waisi hoti hai Samrat jaisa hum use banana chahate hai..aur isiliye meri duniya mein mere parent's humesha mere saath hai'aur agar tum dil se yakeen karoge to tumhari duniya mein bhi tumhare parent's tumhare saath honge"'
And then she took her finger away from my lips and said as if challenging me to contradict the absolute belief in her words
"AB bolo kya bolna chahte ho?"'
And I just looked at the sky and said "Happy Birthday Aunty"'I couldn't explain to her that how she has finally taken of that old bitterness from me and replaced it with belief'belief that my parent's are always there with me'and from that day I again started beleiving in Stars'.
I took her hand and we walked towards our car'
Later that night after I have dropped her at the Hostel as I was sitting in my balcony and looking at the star lit sky and having a one sided conversation with my parents' who I finally believed have become stars that I realised that somehow I have managed to fall in LOVE with Mumbai again for it gave me Gunjan..and somehow I have also fallen in LOVE with Gunjan herself Somehow my friend has become the most important person in my life'
"Samrat''.!!!!''"Kya soch raha hai????"'mayanks impatient voice brought me back to reality'.
"Hum Florance Hospital pohuch gaye'.Chal ander chalte hai'"..
I was realeived that I have finally reached the place where I can see my Gunjan'.no matter how serious my Angel is'.she is mine and I will finally get to see her now''..
With that thought in my mind I went inside the Hospital with Mayank...
P.S-that's it feel free to critisise....i really wrote this update from my heart...so do let me know how it is please.............
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