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STORY CONTEST 3 - RESULTS ON PAGE 10 (Page 5)

Bhavanab IF-Sizzlerz
Bhavanab
Bhavanab

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 24043

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 4:24am | IP Logged
Ok some comments,will keep on adding more comments as and when I get time !!! Have to read some stories again to see if I don't miss out on anything !!! Anyways hoping all my Comments to be read by the writes !! If any of my comment hurts you I'm sorry for it !!! Please that any criticism in positive spirit !!!


Story No 1. :- Well nice attempt !!! Must say your story in the beginning itself took me for a moment to Rajasthan and I could imagine Maharaja's and Maharani's to be sitting and saying all this !!! As said by others you somewhat deviated from the plot. You write really well !!! I was wanting to see some interesting thing being attached with the gold bars !! As said before I wanted to see for what research the gold bars will be used !! But nevertheless I like the way you handled a theft case !! Instead of any officer centric you've written a simple CID centric story !!! Anyways nice attempt !! Maybe your first though not sure !! I'm you'll you'll do a lovely job next time !! Waiting to read more from you !!
Clap Clap Clap


Story No.2 :- Hmm Nice attempt !! Casual start !! I liked that !! Again the point of gold being used for research is missing !! Liked the way Sachin was used !! Daya sir was very sweet !! One suggestion when writing try avoiding capitalizing names every time they come !!! It makes the story look a bit haywire !! Liked the way you used Freddy !! Team distribution was good !!! Viivek and Freddy were given necessary importance !!! One thing that pricked me a little !! The last scene which was a sweet interaction between the duo was a bit unnecessary and has been stretched a little too far !! I mean you could have written a 4-5 lines duo scene and end it their as you know it sounds a bit odd and difficult to imagine Abhijeet using words like 'Awsome Smile' and all !! But leaving that out as far as the story line and investigation is concerned you have done a really good job on that !! I liked the whole investigation part !! Waiting to read many more from you Clap Clap Clap

Story 3 :-  Very Nice attempt !! Used the plot well !! One thing I want to tell is that I liked your whole investigation process a lot !! The cake scene was good !! I liked the whole story as such !! You showed that language is never a problem with CID the idea and emotions have to be conveyed well !! Simple clues and normal investigation like finger print matching and all still liked it !! Just one suggestion at some places I missed slight connectivity !! I meant sometimes it didn't go in a flow !! Keeping that aside very nice attempt buddy !! Waiting to read many more from you !! Clap Clap Clap

Story 4 :- Very nice !! You have done a very good job !! I liked reading it thoroughly !! The best part of your story is its compactness !! Short and quick scenes,no unnecessary dragging.Team well utilised !! in short a very nice attempt !!! I strongly feel you're one of CID forums regular writers !! Great Job buddy !! Waiting for many more from you Clap Clap Clap


Story 5 :-  Nice attempt again !! A little too long and took some time but nevertheless it was worth it !! Nice attempt !! liked investigation part of the story !!! In simple a very nice attempt !!! Keep it up !! Waiting for more from you soon Clap Clap Clap

Story 6 :- A very good attempt !! Again very long !! Took me quite some time to complete !!! If you had written it in dialogues form instead of paragraphs it would have decreased the length !! but still a very nice attempt !! From Investigation angle I liked it !! Team distribution was well done !! In total a good job !!! I liked it !! next time a little smaller story please Tongue !! heehee kidding !! good !! I enjoyed it thoroughly !! Waiting for more from you !! Clap Clap Clap

Story 7 :- well written !!! You kept the pace and did not stretch it anywhere unnecessarily. I liked the way you built the suspense of your story. Team distribution and storyline were good !! Well I really don't have anything much of an importance to criticize about. Nice story I liked it !!! All the best for your future stories !! waiting to read more from you  Clap Clap Clap

Story 8 :-  Again a very nice attempt !!! A bit too many twists but all of them were enjoyable !!! I liked the Forensic scene in the night !!! In all I really liked your story !!! I feel this isn't your first attempt you are one of regular writers or atleast have written more !!! Anyways good job buddy !!
Would love to read more Clap Clap Clap

Story 9 :- Good attempt !!! I liked it !! A bit dragging !! Just wished you kept the pace !!! I really liked the ending it was really nice !!! The story was in a flow !!! Just leaving out the dragging part and as Dr.Fahmi said at some part trio felt unlike themselves it was a very nice story !!! Keep it up !! Clap Clap Clap

Stroy 10 :- Good story. I liked it !! Short and simple. I liked the way you maintained the continuity of your story !! Anyways waiting to read more from you soon   Clap Clap Clap

Story 11 :- I liked the storyline and team distribution !! Well kept pace of the story !!! A little dragging at some places but that didn't irritate much !!! Keep it up !! Would love to read more from you soon Clap Clap Clap


I've really liked the way everyone has done with team distribution !! Just was wanting more innovative ways of using the plot !!  Nevertheless good job !! Many of you are new to story contest so guessing has been difficult !!! Will post the rest reviews tonight and tomorrow !!! I request everyone to take my criticism positvely and if by any chance I hurt someone sorry for that !!






Edited by Bhavanab - 12 January 2011 at 4:51am

The following 9 member(s) liked the above post:

gadhadadadr.fahmiKS_Minionsubha.bhinder.thindShagnikaDemonStarastonishLadyMeringue

gadhadada Coolbie
gadhadada
gadhadada

Joined: 27 August 2010
Posts: 74123

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 4:48am | IP Logged
hey VISROM DII....

i really APPOLOGIZE with U.... i really enjoyed alot UR comment... DII...
i m not hurt with that... thatswhy i wrote "its ZABARDAST to me"....
i knew CRITICISM are always taken in POSITIVE means... its really helpful for a writer cz its improvise the way of writing.....
i m really very SORRY... if u hurted with any of my words...
baqi ya... LAST PATCH of my story was very dragged... so sorry for that....
i m again really VERY SORRY VISROM DII from the core of my heart....
did not mean to hurt U or anyone....
again... I M SORRY... DII....
hope U forgive me....Smile

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khushi.gupta123

bhinder.thind IF-Dazzler
bhinder.thind
bhinder.thind

Joined: 03 April 2010
Posts: 4006

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 5:19am | IP Logged
@Bhavana  Nice comments.. Will make sure to improve the mistakes you have explored...  
LadyMeringue IF-Sizzlerz
LadyMeringue
LadyMeringue

Joined: 04 September 2010
Posts: 10754

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 5:19am | IP Logged
Are we supposed to even review our story????Confused According to that, I can start reviewing.....
Bhavanab IF-Sizzlerz
Bhavanab
Bhavanab

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 24043

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 5:29am | IP Logged
Yes you have to !! Warna patha nahi chal jaayega which one you wrote !!

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LadyMeringue

LadyMeringue IF-Sizzlerz
LadyMeringue
LadyMeringue

Joined: 04 September 2010
Posts: 10754

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 5:41am | IP Logged

Well, will start reviewing now, and as Bhavana di said, critisism should be taken in the positive manner, and if hurting anyone's feeling, reallyvery sorry....

 

Story 1: Very good attempt.. as Visrom di said, the story was deviated from the plot, but it was really good... the team investigation was nice and the story was very catchy... but I noticed a flaw in the story..... in the painting of the lotus containing the poetic lines, the poem is written in the language "Webdings" as of in MS Word, so how does ACP Sir read the poem without any problem??? Because the language is un-understandable, and they would have to decode it..... remaining else was good.... would like to have more from you buddy.... and yeah, next time, keep your mistakes in mind!!! But overall, very very good!!!

 
Story 2: Again a good attempt.... though it was again deviated from the plot, it was still good... there were some flaws, but it is okay..... and yeah, since you already know your mistakes, keep in mind not to repeat them again.... But overall, a good job done.... would like to have more from you....
 
 
Story 3: A very nice story in all... the team distribution and investigation was very good... it had a different of investigation, and was very interesting and was very good!!!! A very good job done!!! Would love reading more from you.....
 
 
Story 4: Awesome job done here!!!! Must say, it must be an experienced writer.. the story was perfect and everything was good!!! Team investigation, detection, story, way of doing it, everything!!! Way to go buddy!!
 
 
Story 5: Good one..... short and simple, sweet one... a litttle lenghty though..... a good job done.....  but next time, would like a dialogue format one too....would like to read more from you buddy!!!!......
 
 
Story 6: An excellent one once again!!! Very good story, very intelligent detection and very good team work... Investigation, detection, evrything wonderful.... keep it up dear!!!!! Would love to read more from you dear!!!!
 
 
Will update later on the other stories......


Edited by Rashida13 - 11 January 2011 at 5:48am

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gadhadadadr.fahmiKS_Minionsubha.bhinder.thindShagnikaDemonStarBhavanab

DemonStar IF-Sizzlerz
DemonStar
DemonStar

Joined: 16 March 2006
Posts: 14360

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 8:09am | IP Logged

Here are my humble opinions for all the stories below. Loved them all!

Story 1 - Well written. I like how the narration flowed smoothly, and was clear and easy to understand. The visual clue and riddle was very cool too ? I especially loved the lotus painting, it's beautiful. I think the story deviated somewhat from the given plot and was a bit too straightforward though, and could've done with some more thrilling sequences, especially in the climax. But I liked the idea of the treasure hunt and CID's dealing with the royal family. Smile

Story 2 - I think the story was well done and the plot was good, well explained in the end. It would've been even better if you had included hints about it in the script as it progressed. The narration could also be improved a little. But I enjoyed it overall, especially the scene with Daya sir and the little girl which was really cute. Interaction between the duo at the end was fun but a bit too long, would've been better if you had trimmed it a bit. Looking forward to more stories from you. Big smile

Story 3 - A well-planned and nicely written story with aptly placed clues and interesting investigation. I liked the way the briefcase was stolen and how the culprit planned it all out, and the narration was really clear and enjoyable to read. Freddy's cake scenes were sweet as well (pun intended LOL). All in all, great work; keep rollin'! Thumbs Up

Story 4 - I'm really impressed by the meticulous planning and effort that went into this one. Not only is the integration between the robbery and murder case really well done, but the development of suspense and thrill was incredible and I thought the plot was quite detailed and rich too. It was a bit long but never did the length seem too much, the story being so engaging. The scientific clues included were really cool too. Kudos! Loved it and I'm really looking forward to more stories from you. Clap

Story 5 - Great writing style and investigation process, and I liked the way the quarrels between the business partners and others were planned out. Nice reference to the Jewel Thief episode too. Clap

Story 6 - Very well written, I liked the detailed narration and engaging plot with the code language and scientific facts included. The story could've been a little more complex and was a bit too long, but I loved a lot of things in there, including the disguise scenes and the thrilling and tragic climax. Nice job! Big smile

Story 7 - Well written and nice to read. I liked the investigative process and the overall tone of the story. The presentation was apt and team well distributed, I liked how the thrill was evenly distributed throughout. Keep it up! Smile

Story 8 - Very nicely planned and well presented. I liked the emotional and light moments between our team, which were perfectly balanced with the dramatic elements in the story. The mystery around Abhijeet's actions and the team's reactions to it were particularly well done and explained. Great use of two parallel plots revolving around the mystery, and liked the comic relief at the end. Great work, looking forward to more from you! Clap

Story 9 - Nice attempt. The investigation could've been better and the plot a little more compact, but I liked the way both Raghu and the Inspector are tricked, and the ending. The characterization could be improved, especially that of ACP sir. But it was quite good overall! Smile

Story 10 - A real feast for fans of our duo. The characterization was exceptionally good and truly brought back memories of the golden old episodes. Loved how Abhijeet's memory loss and determination for the wellbeing of his team were the touchstone factors in the plot, it was all handled really well. I think the story was a bit too straightforward though (and also deviated from the given plot a little because of the murder), and this could've been even better if the suspense and thrill levels in the investigation were higher. But I loved it overall, and definitely looking forward to more stories from you. Big smile

Story 11 - Well presented and the story was very good too. The investigation was cool and team distribution was nice, I liked the clue of the broken light and the various twists towards the end. I think the culprit could've had a little better motive though, and that Sanjeev's side plot had a happier ending (CID managing to save his family). Also some of the script could've been trimmed a bit (like the investigation scenes at the bank). Daya and Abhijeet's interactions were really nice, I like how the case mentioned in the beginning is brought back in the end with a new reaction from Abhi sir. The idea for the explosives was cool too (just a small technical point: gold's symbol  Au has a small "u"). Well done and looking forward to more stories from you! Clap



Edited by DemonStar - 13 January 2011 at 8:01am

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gadhadadadr.fahmiKS_Minionsubha.ShagnikaLadyMeringueastonishBhavanab

dr.fahmi Goldie
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Joined: 15 July 2009
Posts: 1479

Posted: 11 January 2011 at 8:26am | IP Logged
Hats off to all writers!!Clap i m really astonished how a single plot is molded into different stories and all of them are just superb!!!Clap Now my reviews, i m not a regular writer myself so i cant comment well on plot diversion, and other details, my reviews are simply based on what i felt about stories.Tongue
1st- Nice one!!  royal touch and hidden treasure idea was different from others, and they made it really interesting to readStarClap
2nd-Good story!!  Loved sweet side of daya, and how he defended sachin. here i agree with rashida and bhavana that last scene was bit longer and not needed imo. but over all good jobClap(considering ur previous stories, i would say u have improved a lotSmile)
3rd- Another good story, simple yet very well narrated.  fake raghu's and finger prints clue were goodClap
4th- Good one,nice attempt. merger of two cases and scientific clues were interesting. Clap
5th- Good story, a bit lengthy, investigation part was great!! reference of xerox was nice.Clap
6th- All i can say is i loved it. wow!!!Star, very lengthy but engaging, very well written, ending was awesome. visrom is right, after reading this story first time i came to know that gold actually has other uses too besides jewelry making.  i would not have appreciated of sachin being the cop in plain clothes, but i m glad that ACP and duo did not scold him much.Clap
7th
-Very well written, scenes were short with good pace in story, suspense was well built,  Loved itClap
8th- Excellent attempt, Abhijit suspicious act was interesting, Mysterious jaipur mission added a good twist.  this story reminded me of behropiya at many occasions, specially when daya peeped in Forensic lab at night. the famous PHAAAAT!! was really funnyLOLClap
9th- Nice attempt! but many times i felt trio were unlike themselves, specially i cant expect them to say certain dialogues. initially pace was moderate, but in middle it was dragging, ending was unexpected, good workClap
10th- Excellent one, Short story, compact one with smooth flow and well built suspense., Loved it!!StarClap
11th-good story, a bit lengthy but engaging, initial few scenes were dragging but after that pace was good, forensics was superb in ur story, great job doneClap


Edited by dr.fahmi - 13 January 2011 at 6:48am

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