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Shanak - Sunny OS (Part 3) Pg - 9 (Page 8)

tofeeees IF-Rockerz
tofeeees
tofeeees

Joined: 20 December 2004
Posts: 6567

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 11:42am | IP Logged
woooaahh khanak really gave it to shaan didn't she!LOL really good zenn very very good! shaan being his burthal self! when will this man learn?LOL oh wait he won't be 'shaan' if he learns!LOL waiting for the next part! :)

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.Dilwale.

Sairaaaa Goldie
Sairaaaa
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Posted: 06 January 2011 at 11:51am | IP Logged

^^Zen; it's really good! I mean the dialogues were crisp,the burthal is being the same burthal again as always thinking about himself and blurting his exasperation out! I loved Khanak! She gave it back to him in a really neat way...Do you get what I mean?

Waiting for next :D write soon!

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.Dilwale.

aditee IF-Rockerz
aditee
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Joined: 31 May 2006
Posts: 7594

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
I LOVE IT Zenn
 
VERY NICE!
 
I SO want it to be like this for real
 
I like him when he is possessive and angry
 
Shows how much he loves her........... and always fears he is her second choice....... that too a forced one
 
I LOVE IT
 
Please please continue
 
Shaan being vulnerable is such a treat to read
 
It reminds me of the post prposal scene when he confronts her in the room
MY MOST FAVE OF ALL
 
Love it............ chalo 4 baar keh diya
 
Love u
Aditte

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The_May_Rose IF-Sizzlerz
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Posts: 21543

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 12:13pm | IP Logged
Nice work ZenClap....Opened up all of ShaNak's issues....Hope we finally get ' the talk ' in the show too....Want ShaNak to deal with this together and reafirm their loveSmile

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.Dilwale.

.Dilwale. IF-Sizzlerz
.Dilwale.
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Joined: 13 January 2006
Posts: 10546

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 12:13pm | IP Logged

@aditee


thanks for liking it bud! but it's for shanak! both shaan and khanak! have you read part 2?Smile



Edited by zennnn - 06 January 2011 at 12:14pm
saaaz IF-Dazzler
saaaz
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Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 4210

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 5:22pm | IP Logged
Okay...Zenn ...

finally got to reading your update...but before I give you my tippanni....

You were called SAAZROFLvvROFL.. hey rafia...tum zenn ko nahi mujhe apologize karo....Big smileBig smile..hey rafia dont mind..I am quite a shaitanTongue

and tera response.. good friend and .'capable member of the forum'...yeh kya certificate tha btw??? ConfusedBig smile

aww both zenn and rafia and rock. for my name ka jaap..Hug

now to my tippani:

1. Your dialogues and lines are bang on! with respect to both the characters.. you know there were two aspects that I really loved about your lines from Khanak...:

first of all each sentence of her monologue beginning with AAP...see, the beauty of the language...when one uses the word aap, it not only conveys the part that this is about 'you' but also conveys an underlying significance...'I" hold you in esteem and yet 'you'.....that single word aap kills two birds with one stone...you know there is so much in native language dialogues that we never tend to appreciate...I am a sucker for native language, because the depth is just not  there otherwise...the characterization is lost...and for that I applaud you...

The other aspect,..I loved this line..shantanu, mera saamna phir say apnay us ateet say ho gaya hai jissey mein bohot peechey chor aai thi....BANG ON! itne peeche ki mudkar kabhi na dekha...shantanu ko sambhalte sambhalte kudh kahin kho gayee...my line is the underlying emotion I get from this line you have written....FABULOUS!!! sometimes one line tells you so much more and you have achieved that here...Clap

2. Now, for Shantanu...from a technical perspective, your lines and dialogue drive the selfish nature of Shaan home,  especially this line mujhey tumhari koi baat nahi samajhni khanak! tumne ek pal kay liye bhi soocha kay mujhey kaisa lag raha hai?
it is a bit harsh yet highly likely. However, as a character he disappoints because as a reader I want him to for once be the one realizing and supporting Khanak all by himself without any reminders, for once I want him to be the grown up. But then sometimes readers are more selfish than the characters...hai na???Embarrassed..

3. Your lines describing the underlying emotions and thoughts are fabulous!! Clap

You are a fantastic writer, please write more. I hope you did not mind my potha analysis, but hello...hum aise hi hai boss...Big smile 




Edited by saaaz - 06 January 2011 at 5:24pm

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-SYS-.Dilwale.

sampar Senior Member
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Joined: 04 August 2005
Posts: 426

Posted: 06 January 2011 at 9:10pm | IP Logged
Beautiful ClapClapClap applaud for such fantastic part with great dialogues....superbClap......eagerly waiting for next part....ur a superb writer.... keep it up dear

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HKfan Goldie
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Joined: 15 September 2010
Posts: 1147

Posted: 07 January 2011 at 1:17am | IP Logged
Wow Zenn! You are so talented! You have caught their characters and written appropriate dialogues for each so perfectly...bada mazaa aya...cant wait for next part!!!!!

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