Originally posted by jaandu
Thank you guys for your replies. My husband says that he loves me and is afraid that this other guy is going to ruin my life and that's why he stayed with me. But he also worries about what will people say if they found out the truth. I have tried to love him but I don't have any feelings for him. Right now, guilt is killing me. On one side I want to leave but on the other side, I am afraid to lose my family. Once again thank you for your replies.
Hmm. Perhaps, you and your husband should try couple's therapy. Also, your husband and you should both think for your own and your happiness as a couple/non-couple first. Unless you are living someplace where your life will be in danger because of your actions, you and your husband really should forget about what society is going to think. Both of you really ought to stop caring about what other people are going to think or say. Other people are not living your miserable life. Besides, even if people talk, they will talk for days, months, at most years or whatever. Then they will forget about it. How does that really affect you or them? You will just know who your real friends are.
Also, is your husband's concern about the other guy valid? Is the fellow worth it? Or are you just trying to use this guy as a crutch to escape what you feel is your miserable life with your husband? As to the guilt, you can overcome it by coming clean with your husband...tell him the truth.
You know, you are going to stay miserable as long as you don't come to a decision. My advice to you is to define your problem and options -- pros and cons of your situation, what will make YOU happy -- and then come to a solution --- what are you willing to live with happily --- and then have the guts to embrace the consequences -- consciously make a commitment to live your life based on your decision, without wanting to kill yourself or make yourself miserable. Also, I suggest you involve yourself in social activities and service of others (better than sitting at home, and continue to brood about your situation -- there are so many people out there who are more unfortunate than you are) and life will slowly get better. And oh, get your job back -- especially if your husband is supportive of it....and may want to make your husband your friend first -- figure out what are the things that you like about him, what is it about him that could or doesn't let you fall in love, etc. etc...if you decide to stay with him, that is. LIke I said, assess all your options, and good luck.