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I'm Gori married to (??who??) Indian

DownUnderGori Newbie

Joined: 03 January 2011
Posts: 2

Posted: 03 January 2011 at 10:38am | IP Logged
Hello, i live in australia and i meet and married a Hindu Indian man and im not sure who i married?? Please if you can please explain a few things to me :)

I really love my husband and i understand our Huge cultural differences including religion/caste etc

But we both feel like we married people from another planet!!

Please let me explain...
I sometimes feel his disrespect to me is abusive
**is this cos indian men are concidered superior and is it possible for him to adapt to my 'equality of gender' lifestyle? Its embarrassing infront of my family.
He lies about any/everything
**i have heard that some indian cultures are so corrupt that lying etc is revered. Is this true and how do i stop it? I believe lying is a personal and non vidictive act.

He is in india now and his family put him in rehab the day he arrived home, nearly 2 months ago. They did not tell me. I just found out. He said theyd let him out when he comes back to me but it could take 6 more months for his VISA.

Is his family blackmailing me? Clearly they have had similar issues to me??
Is ANY of wat im saying making ANY sense ANYone?? If so. Please help me. I love him but i can not tollerate abuse of ANY kind =D

persistence Goldie

Joined: 11 August 2005
Posts: 1777

Posted: 03 January 2011 at 9:24pm | IP Logged
Honestly speaking, differences in culture and values should have been taken into consideration before getting married. I wouldn't think of religion (unless both of you are rigid in your religious views) and caste as deal-breaking differences. However, disrespectful/abusive behavior and lying should be. I doubt any sane person/ humanistic culture would appreciate abusive behavior. 

In regards to your situation, Have you told him which actions of his you find disrespectful? If so, Does he apologize and/or modify his behavior? If not, I would wonder if he actually loves you? 

As to gender equality, I think people can be really set  in their ways. So, could be difficult to grasp feminist concepts/cultural differences and change their ways. I don't think Indian men are considered superior, at least not in today's times. Some are just cultured to have women do things for them. If the guy is young and has been in Australia for a while, he should learn to adapt to and learn about differences in gender roles. 

Coming to your second point, no lying is not revered anywhere, not to my knowledge. At least in my opinion, lying is disrespectful. Have you asked him to stop or there be consequences? 

I don't know why your husband was put in rehab. u sure he is not lying? I guess you can wait for him to come back and have a heart to heart... try therapy if nothing changes. or the hard route - move on 'cause you  should not tolerate abuse at any rate. 

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DownUnderGori Newbie

Joined: 03 January 2011
Posts: 2

Posted: 05 January 2011 at 8:04pm | IP Logged

Thank you for your reply; our differences in culture and values were actually some of the main things that attracted me to him and i'm very open minded to religion but have little knowledge of caste... i'm more spiritual than religious and his religion is very spiritual so i'm thrilled and often entertained with all the amazing stories.


i know when i speak to his family they often are disheartened with his behavior and tend to brush it off but they are very supportive of the relationship and i believe the put him in rehab to help me; i think maybe his drinking has given him an air of arrogance that they have supported or ignored till now.


I am not adapt to dealing with issues in relationships, so working through things is not something that i'm accustom to; admittedly, i am very successful and generous and i've never needed a male to 'fill the gap' but i really care about my Husband and this is truly the first time i've even tried to work at something. I can not speak for his heart but yes i believe he loves me, very much. 


I really hope that he falls in love with Australia and our way of life.


Consequences for his lying is, as i see it Rehab; i'm thrilled his family have been supportive of this; again, i've not ever wanted to work through issues with a man; if in the past i've been lied to, i've simply put an end to the relationship... i do not see an end to this marriage, just a better understanding, so confrontation is new ground for me. 


I really believe that i can love him and learn to not tolerate criticism. I think I have allowed the behavior and therefore I also have an issue "appeasing people".


I really appreciate the time you have taken to respond. India is a massive country (divided in to many countries), there is so much to learn and it's very exciting!! my mother worked with mother Teresa in India so she has a sound knowledge of the culture/s and also adores my husband...


again thanks =D

neobuxs Newbie

Joined: 15 January 2011
Posts: 5

Posted: 15 January 2011 at 3:16pm | IP Logged
i like indien peoples
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