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Weekend Retreat 6 Scene 9 Page 13 Road Trip contd. (Page 4)

gmann2010 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
You have described Viren longings for Nivi so well. I was thinking just if Viren had any idea what happened last night, what will be his reaction. I hope you will fulfill his and our wish really soon. Wink With every scene I am yearning for more. Embarrassed

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xaviara IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:19pm | IP Logged
The way you describe NivRen's love, yearning and feelings for each other is even more beautiful then shown on TV because when we read it through your scenes, watching and feeling it for ourselves ! Even I had a lump in my throat along with Viren, because here he was yearning and longing for her love and doesn't know that just awhile ago Nivi was just as close to him and in love as him !! Embarrassed Can't wait for the next scene Suchi !! Embarrassed

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Paramore IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
diiiiiiii you r amazing the 2nd scene just killed me it was the best its your best retreat ever luv you mwah!

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moniluvskinshuk IF-Stunnerz
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:47pm | IP Logged
Woww suchi d way u showed Viren n Nivi's realization was just 2 emotional . keep it up Watngg for next

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gmann2010ScintillatingSuchi-

Scintillating IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
Suchi, dear such brilliant writing! You just never cease to amaze me, really. There are these small thoughts/descriptions/comparisons that you make in your retreats that are just so accurate that it is mind boggling, really. In this scene 3, I absolutely loved your comparison of Nivi's closed eyes (which I think are the most beautiful aspect of her face & reflects her pure soul) when she was sleeping - "like a cloud shields a star". Just amazing, really amazing!!


Edited by Excruciating - 01 January 2011 at 1:51pm

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milee1014gmann2010Suchi-xaviaraDilbole_ShiOmRu

Scintillating IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
Sorry, don't know what's wrong today. Double post. Embarrassed


Edited by Excruciating - 01 January 2011 at 1:51pm
anjubala IF-Rockerz
anjubala
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 1:55pm | IP Logged
Suchi, each and every scene that you write beats the previous one... You are too good and you have captured the essence of NiVren beautifully in your scenes.. Love it.. 

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Suchi- IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 2:02pm | IP Logged

Scene 4


Niveditha, uto beta.. a gentle voice welcomed her ears.


Beta, hum manali abhi 1 ghantay main pahunch jayengay , tho thumb hi ut jaao aur tayyar ho jao, said vandana..


Sorry chachi ji, pata nahi chala ki'ithni gehri neend aa gayithi' I am sorry .. Stammered niveditha, rushing to get up


are.. koi baat nahi beta, vandan assured. Abhi tak to divya bhi nahi uti she smiled main use jaker utathi hun.


Niveditha nodded and watched vandana leave towards the front end of the RV


Vandana smiled as she saw divya resting her head on Sidharth's shoulders. She was happy that sidharth and divya were finally beginning to realize their importance in each other's life.


Divya, she called softly, uto beta..


Divya stirred and looked around rubbing her left eyes gently with her right hand and saw vandana standing in front of her.


She stood up with a start and started apologizing


I am sorry ma, she continued going scarlet red. Surely vandana must have noticed her head on sidharth's shoulder. Not meeting her eyes, divya rushed away from her towards the bathroom. Vandana could not help but smile at her.


Soon niveditha and divya joined Vandana in the section with kitchen and started preparing breakfast.


Nivi thum bread ko toast kerkay is basket main rakh do main chai bana lethi hun.

Tekh hai chachi ji.. replied nivi


Aur divya thum wahan refrigerator sey butter nikalker rakhdo  suggested vandana. Main jaker ma aur bauji ko chai dekhar aathi hun


Divya and niveditha were quite not meeting each other's eyes. Divya was still flushed with what vandana had seen and niveditha was feeling extremely uncomfortable for confessing her true feelings about viren to Divya.


The sound of the tinkling glasses brought divya back to her senses. She saw niveditha standing besides her and all of a sudden all that had gone through between them came gushing down on her.


Nivi.. she called out to her sister. Niveditha looked at divya, she could see her questioning eyes


Divya smiled calmly at her and cupped her face with her hands as if to assure her.

Niveditha smiled at her sister


Wow , kya pyar hai .. came a voice behind them


Startled both looked behind them and found viren smiling, standing with hands in his pockets.


Niveditha looked away from him quickly and started stacking the dishes into the cabinets from the dishwasher.


Viren moved closer to her and stood with his back facing the counter. A soft crease appeared on his forehead as he watched niveditha purposefully avoiding him.


Did he do something? This was the first thought that came across his mind. Usually niveditha responded to him well, well may be not his love but she always did seem to like his tactics then why was she avoiding him.


Kithnay zaalim log hai is dunia main. Pati bhuka mar raha hai lekin yahan kisi ko koi fikr nahi he said dramatically


Niveditha  turned her face away and smiled. How should she respond to him? She could not even look him into his eyes.


Divya who could sense her discomfort stepped in


Natak band karo apna, ma nay kaha hai ki 45 min main hum manali pahunch jayengay aur vahan sab breakfast karengay. She said


Kya! 45 min, tab tak tho main sookh ker patha ho jaunga.. viren continued.. kash koi meray liye ek cup chai hi bana de, viren said trying to move closer to where niveditha was standing.


Niveditha could feel her heart racing. Why did she have to be soo weak she thought angrily.


m.main banathi hun she replied trying to sound as normal as she could.


Viren could not understand what was going on, he looked at Divya and raised his eyebrows as if asking her 'whats the matter with her?'


Divya first looked at niveditha who was looking away from both of them, and then at viren, and she smiled. Indicating with her hands, assuring him that everything was ok.


Main abhi athi hun, shayad chachiji ko koi madad chahiye             Niveditha quickly said and almost ran off towards the other end of RV.


Bhabi, ye niveditha ko kya ho gaya hai.. asked viren with a concerned voice.


Wow , Viren sood, actually pareshan? Replied divya in a teasing manner.


Viren looked at her confused, not able to grasp what she was saying


Viren , koi baat nahi hai. Voh teek hai, actually bilkul teek hai divya said excited thinking about the very thought. 


Bhabi.. app dono kal raat ko bait ker batain ker rahe thay na? niveditha nay kuch kaha.. ? mujeh nahi lagtha hai ki voh teek hai. Kuch tho zaroor hua hai, continue viren completely oblivious to divya's newly found reason for excitement.


Kuch nahi hai viren, abh main ye nahi kahungi ki baat nahi hai, kiyunki baat hai, lekin jo baat hai voh main nahi kahungi kiyunki ' jisey kehna hai aur jis-sey kehna hai voh kudh hi baat ko kahay aur sunay.. said divya with a sparkle in her eyes.


Kya? Viren looked at her utterly confused.


Aapnay abhi konsi language main baat ki hai bhabi? Lagtha hai sidharth bhaiyyah kay saath rehker aapko kuch zyada hi asar ho gaya, he said circling his fingers around his head indicated that she had gone crazy.


Thum rukho main abhi aathi hun.. divya made a grab at viren only to catch the thin air around him.




Edited by Suchi-NivReniac - 01 January 2011 at 2:07pm

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