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Physical Love and its necessity (Page 2)

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return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 30 December 2010 at 12:55pm | IP Logged

This is a sensitive issue, I have made a good hearted attempt in best judgment to address this appropriately. I've tried my best to keep it reasonable, respectable and age appropriate. However, if someone does feel that any part is crossing the line please PM me and I will edit my post.

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Sometimes, infertility can be mistakenly referred to as impotence. Shooting blanks is a euphemism for male infertility. That means that the man's sperm is infertile and cannot conceive.

Impotence means the person has issues performing sexually. It could be issues like erectile dysfunction as Gauri explained, or there can be other issues like finishing too fast. This does not mean lack of sexual desire. Both infertile and impotent people can have sexual desires. However, in the case of impotent people even though they have the desire, the follow through can be difficult. It can be inconvenient, uncomfortable, unsatisfactory or even painful at times.

Now to the scenario where there is no physical intimacy. This could be either due to a lack of sexual desire (asexuality) or a choice to not indulge in sexual desire. A marriage without physical intimacy is a platonic marriage. There was a time as a younger person where I thought sex was not important in relationships and even platonic marriages make sense.

However, as you grow older you realize that sex is a human need. Romantic love that makes up long term relationships requires a balance of both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. All sex and no love, is just one night stands and hookups whereas all love and no sex is more like intimate friendship or romantic friendship. If you dont want physical intimacy you might as well as marry a really close BFF.

Each couple sets their own balance though. Some people can live their life with a really close best friend who is the emotional anchor in their life. If both people are comfortable with this arrangement, a platonic marriage works. But for most people some form of physical intimacy is required in a long term relationship or marriage. Physical intimacy is not always conventional sex. It can range from hugging and kissing to other forms of physical interaction - first base to fourth base. It is very important for both people to agree on a level of intimacy.

This brings us to the next criteria where the people do have sexual desires and want to fulfill them, but have challenges fulfilling them. This is a scenario where along with some form of medical treatment that may or may not help, couples have to think of balancing it out with other forms of physical intimacy. Sometimes pure emotional love can sustain such relationships, but things can get challenging when there is dissatisfaction for one person. (Although one question I will always have for some people is that if they don't want traditional sex, and are satisfied with other forms of physical intimacy why are they heterosexual or in heterosexual marriages?)

See many people can say it's just sex, its physical, that one should not let sex ruin a relationship. However, sex can actually be emotional. In a marriage and healthy long term relationship it is an expression of love, an expression of loyalty, intimacy, caring and much more than a physical union. It is an essential part of such a relationship, so when there are challenges in sex , it does affect love and emotions too. Unsatisfactory physical intimacy can indeed negatively effect a relationship. If the couple can find a balance between emotional and physical intimacy the marriage can be sustained. However, if the balance is broken, the marriage may not last. It might be best for the marriage to end, rather than have an unhappy family than can have far worse consequences on society.

It is easy to judge men and women who walk out of relationships due to bad physical intimacy. Yes some people are selfish and reflect poor judgment putting physical desires over good sense. But relationships are complicated and we as third parties may not understand the emotions and other issues involved. Some people are unable to make compromises in certain aspects of relationships. People do need a certain amount of physically expressed love too in their lives.

I've explained already that impotent people do have sexual desires and act upon it. Human sexuality is a lot more complicated. Different people are satisfied by different things, not everyone is turned on or satiated in the same way. There are some things that may satisfy one partner, but do nothing for the other. Each body reacts differently and each person orgasms and climaxes at different times, through different means. The first several times of sex really is usually a learning curve as people have to figure out what works for each other and find a way where it is satisfactory for both partners. Relationships are compromises where people make sacrifices for each other and adjust. Sexual relationships work the same, both partners are not equally satisfied each and every time, people give and take, make adjustments and try to make it work long term.

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The_Other_Woman

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Posted: 30 December 2010 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
Thanks Sareena for the wonderful post.I was not very sure about the differences between impotency and asexuality.
 
I can live my whole life with an asexual partner if he is good in other things and is open minded.But I think living with an impotent man is not easy.It is only possible if the man controls his desires and doesn't touch you.Because sex free life is 100000 times better than painful sex life.And having sex with an impotent man must be very painful.

Gauri_3

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Posted: 30 December 2010 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
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blue-ice

return_to_hades

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Posted: 30 December 2010 at 2:49pm | IP Logged

Asexuality vs impotency. Asexuality would be someone who has no interest in sex and feels no arousal. Impotency would be someone who has sexual desires, but has challenges successfully fulfilling them. Asexuality in human nature is almost nonexistent, at best people control it through various measures. Impotency is also uncommon, and most forms are treatable, or worked through.

 

As for the rest of it, everyone goes through the phase where sex = ewwwww cooties,  opposite sex is gross/unlikeable etc. Kids are not too happy about pain or compromises either. However, with the right person, marriage and sex can be a mutually satisfying experience. I'm sure as you grow older you will learn and understand relationships and be more open to it.

 

As Gauri says for now, focus on other things in life. Love, marriage and sex is a long time away. However, if you are 15+, I get it the hormones are just starting to kick in.   

The_Other_Woman

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Posted: 30 December 2010 at 3:23pm | IP Logged

Ofcourse I am not a teenager.I am 22.Just that I didn't know the english terms-asexuality and impotency doesn't mean that I am immatured.In our society these things are not discussed and even 40 years old married women are unaware of many such things.

I am in my final year.Till now I was never in any relationship and even I do not have any male friends.I just can not adjust with men.But since many marriage proposals are coming these days I can not help but think about this institution and the things related to it.One hand I completely do not have any experience but on other hand I have read so much books and observed so much people that I sometimes feel even I am not in such situations but am living those situations.

mr.ass

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Posted: 31 December 2010 at 2:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

Originally posted by old-black-joe

"mental love"

I think you meant emotional love, but yeah whatever they'e practically the same thing.



Love itself is mental. Why would anyone do such a thing? LOL

 



because it'll probably be the most wonderful thing in the world. Trust me, when you find that person I'm sure you'll feel that way. Sadly I haven't experienced it yet :P


P1nk

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Posted: 31 December 2010 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
Personally  I can live with a sexless marriage Cool, unless he was Clooney I would want physical service every weekend. I think 'mental' love is probably important and overrides physical love In due time, if you face unfortunate circumstances like breast cancer or Penis infection then you would care about your partners well being more then fullfilling your sexual desires.

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krystal_watz

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Posted: 01 January 2011 at 7:37am | IP Logged
There's nothing called "Physical love". As in, Love would not exist without the physical sphere.
 
Speaking of the condition you imagined, it is a tough call. While it may seem insensitive to directly put it so, but physical aspect in a relationship IS, and that means IS, important. Its difficult to live a life ignoring the physical alarms. And besides, i would like to point out here, if no healthy sexual relationship exists in a conjugal relationship, then the marriage is likely to be in troubled waters even on an emotional level. In that case, the scenario of a "happy-happy marriage sans the physical" seems unlikely. In such a case, it would be the man who'd be the one more emotionally aloof than his wife, because of the frustration and rejection expierienced by him from being unable to satisfy his spouse.
 
Hope you get the point.Big smile


Edited by krystal_watz - 01 January 2011 at 7:41am

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