This is a sensitive issue, I have made a good hearted
attempt in best judgment to address this appropriately. I've tried my best to
keep it reasonable, respectable and age appropriate. However, if someone does
feel that any part is crossing the line please PM me and I will edit my post.
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Sometimes, infertility can be mistakenly referred to as
impotence. Shooting blanks is a euphemism for male infertility. That means that
the man's sperm is infertile and cannot conceive.
Impotence means the person has issues performing sexually.
It could be issues like erectile dysfunction as Gauri explained, or there can
be other issues like finishing too fast. This does not mean lack of sexual
desire. Both infertile and impotent people can have sexual desires. However, in
the case of impotent people even though they have the desire, the follow
through can be difficult. It can be inconvenient, uncomfortable, unsatisfactory
or even painful at times.
Now to the scenario where there is no physical intimacy.
This could be either due to a lack of sexual desire (asexuality) or a choice to
not indulge in sexual desire. A marriage without physical intimacy is a
platonic marriage. There was a time as a younger person where I thought sex was
not important in relationships and even platonic marriages make sense.
However, as you grow older you realize that sex is a human
need. Romantic love that makes up long term relationships requires a balance of
both physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. All sex and no love, is just one
night stands and hookups whereas all love and no sex is more like intimate
friendship or romantic friendship. If you dont want physical intimacy you might
as well as marry a really close BFF.
Each couple sets their own balance though. Some people can
live their life with a really close best friend who is the emotional anchor in
their life. If both people are comfortable with this arrangement, a platonic
marriage works. But for most people some form of physical intimacy is required
in a long term relationship or marriage. Physical intimacy is not always
conventional sex. It can range from hugging and kissing to other forms of
physical interaction - first base to fourth base. It is very important for both
people to agree on a level of intimacy.
This brings us to the next criteria where the people do have
sexual desires and want to fulfill them, but have challenges fulfilling them.
This is a scenario where along with some form of medical treatment that may or
may not help, couples have to think of balancing it out with other forms of
physical intimacy. Sometimes pure emotional love can sustain such
relationships, but things can get challenging when there is dissatisfaction for
one person. (Although one question I will always have for some people is that
if they don't want traditional sex, and are satisfied with other forms of physical
intimacy – why are they heterosexual or in heterosexual marriages?)
See many people can say it's just sex, its physical, that
one should not let sex ruin a relationship. However, sex can actually be
emotional. In a marriage and healthy long term relationship it is an expression
of love, an expression of loyalty, intimacy, caring and much more than a
physical union. It is an essential part of such a relationship, so when there
are challenges in sex , it does affect love and emotions too. Unsatisfactory
physical intimacy can indeed negatively effect a relationship. If the couple
can find a balance between emotional and physical intimacy the marriage can be
sustained. However, if the balance is broken, the marriage may not last. It
might be best for the marriage to end, rather than have an unhappy family than
can have far worse consequences on society.
It is easy to judge men and women who walk out of
relationships due to bad physical intimacy. Yes some people are selfish and
reflect poor judgment putting physical desires over good sense. But
relationships are complicated and we as third parties may not understand the
emotions and other issues involved. Some people are unable to make compromises
in certain aspects of relationships. People do need a certain amount of
physically expressed love too in their lives.
I've explained already that impotent people do have sexual desires
and act upon it. Human sexuality is a lot more complicated. Different people
are satisfied by different things, not everyone is turned on or satiated in the
same way. There are some things that may satisfy one partner, but do nothing
for the other. Each body reacts differently and each person orgasms and
climaxes at different times, through different means. The first several times
of sex really is usually a learning curve as people have to figure out what
works for each other and find a way where it is satisfactory for both partners.
Relationships are compromises where people make sacrifices for each other and adjust.
Sexual relationships work the same, both partners are not equally satisfied
each and every time, people give and take, make adjustments and try to make it
work long term.
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