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If He Only Dint Care - A SaJan OS

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:17am | IP Logged
Hey People !! hows life ? hope everyone is doing great ... so it feels weird today to make a post today after so long with something pertaining to Samrat Gunjan ... our SaJan Heart

now i know most of you hate the show has ended .. many like me still havent found a new show to look forward too and we all had to bid farewell to something so beautiful that it hurts still... but I feel better to have seen it leave when it was good and still pleasant to us then see it still but not feel the same love for it anymore... i mean how many times have we had some shows which go on and on and on .. to the point people ask it to be shut... am glad MJHT went out as a show where people still look back at it and think... wish it had lasted a bit longer ... why did it have to end so soon ?

that my friends is an achievement in itself i think the whole MJHT team is proud of as should be we...

now today I m not here to blabber on my thoughts or give anymore gyaan LOL ... sorry i tend to actually do that ... but hey u all know LOLLOL .. so as i was saying I was as most of you going through some old classic adorable MJHT scenes Day Dreaming some beautiful Samrat Gunjan moments Embarrassed when i came across these and watched 'em all over again ...





And a thought struck me... which somehow resulted in being the inspiration of this short OS i wrote ... something after so long.. i know the show is long over now and i could have actually may be thought of this one long back... but hey things happen when they have to happen Embarrassed

so without any more delay here it goes .. my OS and now I'd shut up only saying hope it turned out well .. wrote something after sooooooo long and that too on SaJan ...

P.S -  a kind req to some rather good friends who are totally like absolutely nuts for Gunji ... this OS is totally from her POV ... so dont kill me if u dont like it LOLLOL


_______________________________________________________


I lay in my bed twisting and turning wondering how the events of the evening would have turned out to be... would they have went perfectly ?, was the food alright ? hope she liked it , hoped they had a good time, what all must have happened ?.... oh how was I supposed to know.. and  then .. then images started building in my mind... them dancing closely, laughing enjoying , having a great time, then enjoying dinner.. those moments .. and I realized something wet land on my palm suddenly... and it finally dawned upon me ... it was a tear.. my own tear.. that silently escaped the corner of my eye and slid down the curve of my cheek as it finally landed on my palm which rested on my pillow as I pretended to be asleep on the bed with Di next to me sound asleep in her own bed besides.

 

I looked around and peeped out of my blanket to make sure she was asleep, not wanting to start the things again the conversation which wasn't exactly pleasant to me when Di gave me an earful asking how in the world could I be doing this ? what is wrong with me ? am I thinking anything.. thinking at all ? how could I have agreed to this ? how could I have went to his place and cooked ? cooked of all the people in the world for her ? and that too when I knew and fully realized what the situation was and what the repercussions of it were ?

I knew she wasn't wrong I knew she only meant the best for me.. it ached her heart to see me in such misery .. but what else could I have done possibly ? he turned to me.. looking for help his eyes so full of hope and glee that twinkle, the spark of some faith in them .. faith that I wouldn't disappoint him .. faith that he had in me .. what else could have my reply been but to agree.

 

I gently carefully took the blanket off and then just as carefully picked up the cell phone lying at the bedside table besides the lamp, wore my specs kept in vicinity and crept out of our room slowly and went to the drawing room and watched the clock strike half past 12 in the dim glow of the night light that lit the room softly.

 

I fumbled around my thoughts strolling in the room as I kept squirming with the instrument in my hand contemplating on the thought that had struck me.. and was playing with my mind all through the evening.. even when I returned home, even when I was changing, even when I stepped down for dinner with Di, as she saw my hand and the little rash on it, concern washing over her face she asked me the questions about it and I answered her honestly.. following which was a sight which I was glad Dia or Uday bhaiyya weren't around to see being at a friend' party.. all hell broke loose as Di got angry with me calling it my foolishness for having went ahead with this stupid idea and then getting burned myself while at it too... how could I be so foolish was her question ... along with a lot of others... which at the moment seemed like never ending to me ... at the end of it all when she was pleading/ordering for me to answer her all I could say is.. what would you have done Di had you been me and loved him as much deeply .... her eyes were downcast, her hands slid from my shoulders, after looking away for a moment understanding the hurt it was causing me ... yet seeing the only reason I could do this she understood me... as she finally looked up, cupped my face and walked out of the room... dinner was over for the both of us efficiently.


As another tear betrayed me and slipped out of my eye I rubbed the spot where the scar was hurting a bit owing to the burn and then amidst the silent tears a smile found its way on my lips which honestly did surprise me.... for amidst the pain and tears.. the hurt and injury ,the misery of the act and the agony of having endured the brunt of it all ... arose a memory.. the memory of him - watching over me, standing besides me and then as I got burned slightly, picking up the hot pot from over the stove in a hurry, him panicking at the sight of me in pain even if so slightly,  him rush to get the first aid kit and apply the antiseptic over it so gently so softly his eyes full of concern, regret all over his face, the care in his voice when he said he cannot ever, ever stand to see me in pain as it hurts him to see me hurt, and to hate it if he is ever the reason for it even if unintentionally...

 

 Despite the fact my hand was just burned, despite asking myself too in some part the same questions that Di has asked me, despite shutting up myself with the answer that made Di too realize my reasons to do it all,  the fact that some part of me ached to do it all, wept internally as I wanted to be the girl for whom he would want to do all those things he planned that he shared with me, the fact it hurt as hell it wasn't me but her ... Sheena that Samrat had been dating and had tonight asked me to help him cook for a special dinner he had promised her for the evening and feeling miserable completely wondering if I am plain silly or trying to drive myself crazy or is there really some  masochist within me that is making me do all this .. cook dinner for the girl who walked in out of nowhere one day and then ended up becoming the apple of his eye... the guy who I first came to meet as a stranger, then be fooled by as he played a prank on me, next be infuriated with as I learned of his prank with me.. slowly come to become his friend and then like him as he helped me overcome my fear making me win the talent parade... a feat I never imagined in my wildest dreams coming true for me.... someone who stood up to save me when I was framed for cheating though innocent  to the guy who I discovered was playing with me... being my guiding light under the pretext of a friend all for a bet when all the while I saw him as so lonely .. to having broken all ties with him for hurting me so deeply... to finally meeting the guy who was living under the pretence as he was revealed as my 'SECRET' friend who was always with me helping me all along the way through every thick and thin to the guy I had irrevocably, unconditionally, madly, unquestionably had fallen in love with .... to the guy who broke my heart unknowingly as he fell for the alluring charms of Sheena the minute she walked in and he set his eyes on her....

 

 

I shifted my gaze and found myself sitting on the floor never realizing when I sank.. and saw the clock strike past 1.30 .. sleep nowhere in my eyes as I looked over the device still in my hands and wondered if it would be totally inappropriate if I called him ? asked him at this odd hour how was the date ? did things go well ? would he be asleep ? would I wake him up ? what would he think of me ? how can I even think of this at the moment and how would I answer him even if I did dare call him and he were to ask what makes me stay up so late at night and enquire, worry about his date ?

Finally  as the horror of my very thoughts scared me I backed off from the idea itself and resolved to go and sleep in the room finally.

 

Deciding to switch off the phone to clear the remotest thoughts of the idea to try and rebound in my head I looked at the device, but instead of switching off the stupid thing , I found myself navigating to the inbox of my messages application on it instead to once again scan at the host of messages flood the memory card ... flashing 'HIS'  name as the sender ... all send from the moment he had noticed I had slipped through the backdoor of his place as Sheena dropped down to 11 pm .. his last message to me at night ... his sixty-fifth message to me on the night.. each  one sent to me after an interval of 5 minutes precisely from 7.30 in the evening .. finally stopping there at 11- him knowing I go to sleep at 11 regularly - stopping only as he dint wish to disturb me while I sleep. unaware my eyes wont allow me to catch a wink mind wandering to his thought incessantly despite all my resolves.


Hard as I may try for it not to affect me.. to go and sleep, I ended up re-reading them all once more all over again... starting from the first one..

why did you leave? when did u leave ? ..... to This is not done chashmish...

how could you have left without even meeting me ?

I am so mad at you...

Fine apply ice once you reach home...

are you safely home yet?......

to the very last one good night chashmish.... sweet dreams will see you tomorrow be ready at sharp 6.30...

none mentioning a word about his date even when I asked him that... only his concern for me .. fretting over me in every word, every message , each of the 65  we shared....

 

I let out a sigh and closed my eyes... resting my head against the screen of my cell held in my hands that were placed at my knees as I still sat there by the sofa trying to decipher what was happening to my life and me....

 

I know you don't love me, about my feelings you are still unaware, I know it wouldn't probably ever occur to you for you what I feel simply isn't care, I wish somehow from the moment my heart first broke I could turn back the sands of time.. probably never meet you or perhaps stopped myself when I had the time... but then the thought hits me could it have so simply changed what we share ?

 

I wish you weren't so kind and sweet to me, I wish you weren't around when I needed your help , I wish you hadn't trusted me or had the faith in my talent and helped me conquer my fears when I was simply too scared, I wish you hadn't won me over again as the True friend who stood with me in times of joys and despair, I wish you hadn't been there for me when I was all alone , I wish I hadn't danced with you on the night that lovers share, I wish you hadn't given me the memories that are too hard to forget ... too priceless too share... above all of this Oh I so wish for me you simply dint care......

 

Or...... the girl tonight in your arms was me... I so wish I was there......

 

_________________________________________________________________






Edited by aahana86 - 29 December 2010 at 12:15pm

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:19am | IP Logged
RES Aani Di missed ya so much Hug

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QueSeraSera

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:20am | IP Logged
Aani just one word---> Beauuutifully written and u expained Gunjan's POV really well.. Clap Clap Heart


And since m a hardcore Gunjan freind so naturally i loveeed it soo much and enjoyed reading it.. :D

Keep writing more.. Hug  Hug Which reminds me of your ff..  LOL  When are u gonna update it..? LOL 
 


Edited by CandYlicious_SG - 29 December 2010 at 8:19am

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

RES Aani Di missed ya so much Hug


aww thanks Nishi missed u gals too Hug

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by CandYlicious_SG

OMGGGG! :OOOO Let me first gather strength to go through the whole post.. LOLLOL
  
Bt OMG aani... Shocked  M soooo happy to see your topics again... Hug   Hug  Hug   Heart   Its been ages..  Hug  i will come back soon... Big smile 

res.. Embarrassed


Sumi gees Blushing this feels so so good to be welcomed back so sweetly sweetheart Hug

am so touched to see you guys write all this am so happy to make a post here again too after the SBS post Tongue hope i dont disappoint u'll with the lil attempt Embarrassed

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:29am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aahana86

Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

RES Aani Di missed ya so much Hug


aww thanks Nishi missed u gals too Hug
It,s Ash Embarrassed LOL
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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:31am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

Originally posted by aahana86

Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

RES Aani Di missed ya so much Hug


aww thanks Nishi missed u gals too Hug
It,s Ash Embarrassed LOL


oops goofed up sorry ash *kaan pakkad*

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Posted: 29 December 2010 at 4:32am | IP Logged
Originally posted by aahana86

Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

Originally posted by aahana86

Originally posted by -BlueFairy-

RES Aani Di missed ya so much Hug


aww thanks Nishi missed u gals too Hug
It,s Ash Embarrassed LOL


oops goofed up sorry ash *kaan pakkad*
It,s Okay Di LOLAnd I was really missing your Daily Beautiful analysis on SG EmbarrassedDay Dreaming

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