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Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

OneShot- Bas thori si wafa chahiye - Pg 19 (Page 17)

sariska_mnarti IF-Rockerz

Joined: 26 January 2010
Posts: 5199

Posted: 22 April 2011 at 3:05pm | IP Logged

amazing update

cont soon

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a little faiththousandmiles

ammuakhi Senior Member

Joined: 26 January 2010
Posts: 955

Posted: 23 April 2011 at 3:22am | IP Logged
awesome os sajjal...
it was really good...Smile

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a little faiththousandmiles

a little faith Goldie
a little faith
a little faith

Joined: 09 January 2009
Posts: 2037

Posted: 23 April 2011 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
Dearest Ambreen,

Finally I made it.  As you now know I love the theory of Schrodinger's cat.  Unlike yourself I did not learn it at school.  In fact I did not learn much at school where my days blurred into boredom.  Fortunately much later I realized that this earth contained treasures that could stir your soul, spinning it off its axis in a myriad of tilts.

Although people tell me that certain things are impossible, improbable, that certain things are eventual, inevitable; that there is a 10% chance of this happening and a 90% chance of that happening. However I have never lived my life upon probabilities that may never happen, nor submitted to the implausibility of impossibilities.  The truth is things are either going to happen OR they will not.  I expect the possible as much as the impossible, that is where I live now, waiting somewhere between forever and never.

Now to the results of your experiment to illuminate this theory's conclusions.

I loved how you brought in that 'reality' of things against rational hard facts.  That intuition, resistance of her heart against what the mind has perceived.  As Einstein said to the scientist behind the theory, 'you are the only contemporary physicist who sees that one cannot get around the assumption of reality, if only one is honest.  Most of them simply do not see what sort of risky game they are playing with reality-reality as something independent of what is experimentally established.' So that she is weighing up the pros and cons of the 'ideal' in front of her; that cute guy declaring his love for her and honouring it through the proffering of a formal binding bond.  However there is something pulling her away, pushing her towards another path, away from him and all this rational deliberation.  As I once mused,
One thing I have pondered in real life, we are the effect of all the past moments affecting our hearts, but then does our future too force an affect too upon our present, pulling us towards a destined meet.'

I loved 'she looked at him obscurely trying to magnify his expressions to understand what was going on within his heart' beautifully expounded.Star
That 'new' girl entry, really threw me. I love how you keep the plot moving forwards in directions I never see coming.  At first I hate the sudden changes but then I slowly realize that there is beauty waiting to be unfolded, I just need to be a little more patient. I loved the shoulder sleeping incident, LOLwonderful spin on a classic. I love how you layer character through little details, cleverly effaced into your narrative, for instance 'she gave him an hour before she screamed in his ear, and woke him up.Comedic and yet also illuminating her softer side in a discreet way contradicting the action and the character! Clap Again with no strangers who made her heart skip a beat. That last part capturing our attention and hearts.Star

I loved how you effortlessly detailed their respective backgrounds through contrasting descriptions of their homes.  Star

I loved '
But she was willing to change but to change sometimes you need a reason and for now she didn't have one.'Cause and effect.'  We see that end effect we wish for but alas cannot find the means to affect our hearts towards it.Star

I loved that last haunting line,
'jab yaadein hi jeene ka sahara ban jayein, toh kaun theek reh sakta hai' So that we can infer that it belongs to the lady who lives in an eerie mansion, with echoes of emptiness, surrounded by 'pictures' that would scare you if you believed in ghosts.  Her whole life is about living in the shadows, where the sun is prevented from providing warmth so that she might find a personal connection to 'something.'  (Against his 'It really didn't matter how harsh or tough they were, at the end he was their blood, that connected him to them.') She herself is the 'noor' in her dark world, but her viewpoint makes her blind to this fact.Star Wonderful! Again that little detail of , banging the door For whose benefit? since she was alone.  That angst usually reserved for authority figures thrown against someone but then again no one in particular as she was indeed alone. Star

Very well written, I am most intrigued. Star

Love Sabah

P.S.  I like the urdu dialogues. 

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SujaLuvsMayur IF-Rockerz

Joined: 27 May 2010
Posts: 6714

Posted: 25 April 2011 at 11:04am | IP Logged
awesome OS :D
lovely :D

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dbr_kmichi IF-Dazzler

Joined: 24 July 2008
Posts: 3629

Posted: 25 April 2011 at 6:53pm | IP Logged
nice one..Smile
its awesome!!!

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thousandmiles IF-Dazzler

Joined: 21 November 2009
Posts: 2630

Posted: 28 April 2011 at 10:56am | IP Logged

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--jiya-- IF-Rockerz

Joined: 01 January 2011
Posts: 5603

Posted: 28 April 2011 at 10:59am | IP Logged


This update was beautiful as always, it served as a good base to build up the next parts, but u still maintained the suspense...

oh well... I loved it... and waiting for the next part

plzz continue soon


Edited by jiya_angel - 28 April 2011 at 11:28am

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..-Ayesshhaa-.. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 24 April 2010
Posts: 16368

Posted: 28 April 2011 at 12:05pm | IP Logged
lovely update..

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