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OneShot- Bas thori si wafa chahiye - Pg 19 (Page 15)

.Perk. IF-Sizzlerz
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Posted: 19 April 2011 at 7:03am | IP Logged
wow! di very interesting concept!! loved the name..very catchy! waiting fr the upcoming parts! cont soon!Hug
tc keep smiling:)

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thousandmiles

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Posted: 19 April 2011 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
Dearest Ambreen, I am so sorry, my sooner turned into a lot later but hopefully not late.  This post is for 'the wait of a lifetime.'

I always enjoy your introductions, like the preamble to a thunderstorm, my heart upon a precipice of anticipation before that deep ravine of yearning. Needless to say I loved this one too.

I loved your spin on the 'lineage' preface; the courteous introductions to brothers and mothers and their immediate rejections! LOL The 'cute' this story is not about them either juxtaposing the issue So where was i? neatly in-between and ending with the past!  Superbly done! ClapStar

I loved 'i had been following him trying to store him and his essence within me' and especially 'where junk food was the main course and our own voices was the entertainment' However the cutest was 'i spend the whole week crying and whenever someone asked me what happened, i would only cry louder and louder. You captured that teenage angst wonderfully well. ClapStar

You excellently built up the tension in the final paragraphs. It took all my patience NOT to rush ahead to the end, helped by the wonderful manner you excite by the plot and yet calm through your thoughts.  An overall dormant calm or latent fervor, which ever way you wish to perceive it.StarStarStar

You truly have a knack of ending your pieces with profundity. StarStarStar It reminded me a lot of one of my favourite books, persuasion by Austen ( I truly mean that as a compliment which I state only because people are vast and so can infer the opposite to what is hoped is implied.) 

I love this theme of, as Austen calls it, 'perpetual estrangement,' so elegantly weaved into your story. ClapAs you say, we had gone from bestfriends to strangers. I had become invisible to him and As Austen expounds 'Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted.'

Again the theme of 'the hope of the hopeless.' As Austen says the difference between men and women is not the depths of affection but rather 'is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!" and as you so beautifully express as 'I would wait for him the day he himself would come to me and tell me to move on' ClapStar

An excellent piece of prose. I truly loved it. EmbarrassedLove Sabah


Edited by a little faith - 19 April 2011 at 3:03pm

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thousandmiles

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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 9:08am | IP Logged
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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 9:10am | IP Logged
resss Party

edited:

as always beautiful. i love your writing style, so descriptive! Star

and the well the story didn't progressed much, but this part had some very important details. I loved the contrast welcomes they both got on coming back home..



Edited by Fantasia. - 20 April 2011 at 9:17am

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valliyahthousandmiles

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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 9:16am | IP Logged
resBig smile

*edited*

i'm a li'll confusedEmbarrassed... and i want to know more soonBig smile
loved the way you portrayed the contrast of their livesStar

thnx for the pm

~jiya~


Edited by jiya_angel - 20 April 2011 at 9:25am

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thousandmiles

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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 9:23am | IP Logged
Nice part.

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thousandmiles

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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 10:08am | IP Logged
res:D
===========================================
wow di nice part.....wanna read further though to understand the story bettr:D do cont soon..
tc keep smiling:)
n ur awesome!!EmbarrassedClapEmbarrassed


Edited by Nikita-Sharma - 21 April 2011 at 7:31am

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thousandmiles

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Posted: 20 April 2011 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Nice Part Sajjal

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