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Dutta, forever, Nakusha's boat of emotional safety (Page 3)

notsorry Senior Member
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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 8:49am | IP Logged

@KavitaDR - Again, one of your most intriguing posts into the insight of D and N.  I totally agree with your analysis.                                                                                                                                           It has as been written that emotional safety is an emotional, somatic and spiritual experience. That the feelings of warmth, joy, expansion, relaxation, the ability to breathe freely, a sense of connection and a sense of peace are common feelings when emotional safety is present and most definitely supports intimacy.                                              

There are some factors that contribute to emotional safety but the following is what I see in Nakusha since she left D's room.

Space - The space between herself and D. Though uncomfortable for herself and D, the need to give him this time to slow down, search deep within himself, allow for emotional and somatic sensations and slowly heal.

Accountability - Both D and N accountability for each other which includes the attentiveness to the other's needs and the impact of one's behavior on another.

Boundaries - In healing relationships, many boundaries need to be defined including use of touch.  In D and N case, she has move out of his room.

Presence - N is still giving D her full attention while still standing her ground and maintaining her distance.  Her presence and sense of non-judgment towards him is a part of his healing process as she has always been his healer.

Thanks so much for adding a thought provoking post to this past week's slow episodes.   Will wait patiently for your next thread.



Edited by nizam13 - 26 December 2010 at 9:08am

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shamnasasalilizdarcyKavitaDR

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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 9:57am | IP Logged
@nizam13
 
Thank you Aneesa Clapfor your clinical and psychological insight into Tasha's current state of their relationship. I may not be able to delve very deeply into the clinical aspect of healing as I am not at all an expert but I agree on the practical psychological aspects that you have highlighted correctly in the LTL context. I will attempt it very humbly and stand ready to be chastened if necessary.Embarrassed
 
 
Again, one of your most intriguing posts into the insight of D and N.  I totally agree with your analysis.                                                                                                                                           It has been written that emotional safety is an emotional, somatic and spiritual experience. That the feelings of warmth, joy, expansion, relaxation, the ability to breathe freely, a sense of connection and a sense of peace are common feelings when emotional safety is present and most definitely supports intimacy.   There are some factors that contribute to emotional safety but the following is what I see in Nakusha since she left D's room.

Space - The space between herself and D. Though uncomfortable for herself and D, the need to give him this time to slow down, search deep within himself, allow for emotional and somatic sensations and slowly heal.

Yes, it was important for Nakusha to set Dutta "free" in the metaphorical sense  to enable him to find peace and calm after all the turmoil of the FR and the unnecessary Suresh track. By doing so, Nakusha should be successful in controlling the raging conflict within Dutta's mind by an almost insidious but positive control of her husband in the sense that she has unknowingly, or knowingly, forced her husband to temper down his emotional reactions. The Dutta we have seen since the last few weeks is infinitely calmer and able to see through "smokescreens" to a certain extent as we saw in his reactions to Suresh's allegations on Monday. That was already a milestone that Nakusha achieved this week.                                           
 
Accountability - Both D and N accountability for each other which includes the attentiveness to the other's needs and the impact of one's behavior on another.
 
Nakusha, successfully, reminded Dutta of his responsibilities as a husband vis a vis his wife when it comes to upholding her honour in public. And this silent yet so strong assertion of her expectations to a dumbfounded Dutta post the Suresh episode has at least forced Dutta to seek some form of closeness with his wife....Be it the second kitchen scene when he looks out for Nakusha, or waiting for her in front of the temple whilsts she prays for their common wellbeing. We couls all sense his restlessness and his unspoken desire to stay with Nakusha to the point that he drops her home and is ready to forfeit his business meeting that Chaskar had set up with some associates. Were I to attempt a layman's interpretation, this would  amount to Nakusha's  innocent butr effective compensatory strategies of control to pull back her marriage/relationship with Dutta on the right track. I am curious to see how this attempt will evolve this week.

Boundaries - In healing relationships, many boundaries need to be defined including use of touch.  In D and N case, she has move out of his room.

The importance of this decision has been highlighed enough on the forum but I will add here my brief thoughts as to what motivates a man to be near the one woman of his life. This is the golden opportunity for Dutta to question his "half" of the relationship binding him to Nakusha and force him to give up on his limiting fear based beliefs of being hurt again. Something that even AS attempted thsi week and which will eventually impact on his behaviour towards Nakusha this week or the next.
 
Presence - N is still giving D her full attention while still standing her ground and maintaining her distance.  Her presence and sense of non-judgment towards him is a part of his healing process as she has always been his healer.
 
I loved the fact that Nakusha is not shirking her responsibities as a wife and is giving all the attention Dutta needs but will never ask until he finally relents. What is important here is that Nakusha, the wife is asking herself where the relationship is going and whether her husband has the emotional depth for a total commitment. She knows very well that the answer to this question is in the affirmative but yet needs to trigger the actions that will finally set Dutta free from his fear of being trapped in a web of deceit and and self-recriminations.
 
 

Thanks so much for adding a thought provoking post to this past week's slow episodes.   Will wait patiently for your next thread.

Many thanks to you. Smile
 

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shamnasasalinotsorrylizdarcy-Carrie-

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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 10:35am | IP Logged
@KavitaDR - You have done a precise interpretation of my very brief psychological insight into N's emotional safety as it relates to D's present state, all encompassing (mentally, emotionally and physically) and the path he must now follow, as you have mentioned in one of your previous posts, D's self-mutilation, one aspect I see as the lack of him concentrating on his business empire and from the looks of things if his present state does not improve soon his other world other than N, he will soon lose to Chaskar and his other dushmans that may follow.

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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by KavitaDR

@shan2430]
I really liked your post Kavita....Yes I do believe that Nakusha's strength and conviction stems from Duttas integrity, his unwaivering, clear(he does not mince words or emotions) approach towards life and people and his basic goodness...But I give this much credit to Nakusha that she has been able to understand these facets about him and not waiver even for a moment in the face of adverse treatment meted out to her by Dutta...She has held on steadfastly to her belief in her man and what she truly knows about him.I'd say her belief in Bappa is secondary because its not as if she is asking Bappa to change Datta...She is only praying to him to give her the strength to bring out his true qualities, something that got buried because of her apparent betrayal..She is praying to help her remind him of what he is, what his love is and what they mean to each other.But yes...her prayer has meaning only because of what Datta actually IS....So i'd say i admire and respect Datta for his character and credit Naku for holding onto her belief in Datta.
As for the temple scene, i must admit it gave me a headache but i didn't think much abt their respective FBs till yu pointed in yur post.  I was a little sceptical of the Seema track but i have to admit it can thro various dimension's to Datta & Naku' s character. if treated well. I know the CVs can do jutics to it but it is the TRP dictum that worries me...Don't want it become another thrill...keeping my fingers crossed
 
Dear Shan,
 
I feel that we are all in agreement as far as Dutta's or Nakusha's steadfastness vis-a-vis each other is concerned. However, I disagree on the fact that her belief in Bappa is secondary. Actually, I admire Nakusha for never letting anyone, even Dutta who is almost supreme for her, to interfere with her unwavering faith in God. It may smack of superstition but in a love story that we have equated to being a fairy tale, the balance and influence of the Divine cannot be separated nor superseded.  Even Seema, the one who has sinned and is repenting now has felt the need to pray to be able to "connect" in some way to Dutta, her first love. It is ironical but she also recognises the fact that she may not be able to meet Dutta after what she has done. It is at the end of the day, some divine and unknown powers that become the voice of our conscience. Isn't it?
 
As to CVs, Rab rakhey as we say bacause I sincerely hope that they do not dilute the imprtance of the healing process for Tasha in their quest to add just mere thrills to Seema's track. The shorter the better and that will go a long way towards upholding LTL's integrity as a love story.
[/QUOTE]
 
Dear Kavita,
Oh yes..I don't doubt Nakusha's faith at all...Infact I always believe that faith can move mountains, so her faith is exemplary..I guess  "secondary" was a wrong choice of word on my part..I don't mean to say that her faith is subservient to her love for Datta or vice versa. Infact they are not comparable..U see Kavita, I don't understand people who twiddle their thumbs and expect God to show miracles..Yu have to play your part and this is what I like about Nakusha..that she is doing her part.She is trying in every small way to show Datta she still cares, that she is still the same dark Naku.She is patient and is willing to go thru all the tests AND she is supplementing her efforts with her faith in Bappa..But she is primarily trying. Also, i believe that yu should have some basis when yu ask something of God..Just can't ask for the moon for no ryhme or reason...Today I cant ask God to make me 5 inches taller and expect it to work out just because I have faith!Going by the same logic, if Seemas' faith was equally strong in God as Nakusha, does it mean that she has chances of getting Datta?No..because Datta does not love her and is not bonded to her the way he is with Nakusha....Nakus faith will be rewarded because it has a strong basis or foundation..She KNOWS that Datta loves her and she has this basic faith in his goodness and integrity...And she knows that they are meant to be!!!Infact if yu recall the pre-Supriya fiasco days, she never once prayed to God to make Datta love her..coz she never believed so herself..But now she can because she knows that they are indeed soulmates...So I was purely talking from this context- hence the word secondary..ofcourse it is totally my take on state of things:)
As for Seema, I don't see how she can expect anything more than forgiveness from Datta at this stage..She can only pray that Datta listens and forgives her..To expect that he LOVE her like earlier would be horrendous!!Fingers crossed - fingers crossed
Beautiful and thought provoking posts Kavita - they provide so much material for discussions Smile 


Edited by shan2430 - 26 December 2010 at 12:19pm

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KavitaDR

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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 1:49pm | IP Logged
@shan2430
 
Dear Kavita,
Oh yes..I don't doubt Nakusha's faith at all...Infact I always believe that faith can move mountains, so her faith is exemplary..I guess  "secondary" was a wrong choice of word on my part..I don't mean to say that her faith is subservient to her love for Datta or vice versa. Infact they are not comparable..U see Kavita, I don't understand people who twiddle their thumbs and expect God to show miracles..Yu have to play your part and this is what I like about Nakusha..that she is doing her part.She is trying in every small way to show Datta she still cares, that she is still the same dark Naku.She is patient and is willing to go thru all the tests AND she is supplementing her efforts with her faith in Bappa..But she is primarily trying. Also, i believe that yu should have some basis when yu ask something of God..Just can't ask for the moon for no ryhme or reason...Today I cant ask God to make me 5 inches taller and expect it to work out just because I have faith!Going by the same logic, if Seemas' faith was equally strong in God as Nakusha, does it mean that she has chances of getting Datta?No..because Datta does not love her and is not bonded to her the way he is with Nakusha....Nakus faith will be rewarded because it has a strong basis or foundation..She KNOWS that Datta loves her and she has this basic faith in his goodness and integrity...And she knows that they are meant to be!!!Infact if yu recall the pre-Supriya fiasco days, she never once prayed to God to make Datta love her..coz she never believed so herself..But now she can because she knows that they are indeed soulmates...So I was purely talking from this context- hence the word secondary..ofcourse it is totally my take on state of things:)
As for Seema, I don't see how she can expect anything more than forgiveness from Datta at this stage..She can only pray that Datta listens and forgives her..To expect that he LOVE her like earlier would be horrendous!!Fingers crossed - fingers crossed
Beautiful and thought provoking posts Kavita - they provide so much material for discussions
 
Dear Shan,
 
You have said it all. Nakusha has the benefits of a strong foundation in Dutta's love for her. It may have cracks but they will be healed and Nakusha is doing whatever is within her limits and in line with her beliefs system at present. I do despair at her apparent lack of agressiveness but I have to concede that this may not be the best solution as she has to manoeuvre in extremely difficult circumstances without an effective support system which would act as a buffer in case of unwanted reprisals from the enemies within Patil Niwas and to a certain extent, Dutta's own wrath. Indeed, until Dutta is, finally, made aware of the dangers lurking in his environment (that has to be done with velvet gloves by Nakusha), it will be hard for him to understand a sudden flurry of activities from Nakusha. With Dutta, everything has to be gradual, almost in small increments for him to catch the nuances of intrigue around him. Nakusha is aware of all the risks and dangers for her husband and she draws strength from the fact that Bappa or any other deity she looks up to will guide her on this treacherous journey.
 
As for Seema, she was doomed the day she rejected love in the first place. At best, she should seek forgiveness and that is all. Dutta has moved on and his world is now Nakusha who has all the "simplistic" yet true values and qualities that he has been looking for in his soulmate. And he did say it beautifully to Madhu during his first conversation with the latter, i.e, that the love Nakusha and he had was enough and needed no appendages of any sorts to survive the vagaries that life throws our way.
 
 


Edited by KavitaDR - 26 December 2010 at 4:45pm
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Posted: 26 December 2010 at 5:50pm | IP Logged
@nizam13
 
You have done a precise interpretation of my very brief psychological insight into N's emotional safety as it relates to D's present state, all encompassing (mentally, emotionally and physically) and the path he must now follow, as you have mentioned in one of your previous posts, D's self-mutilation, one aspect I see as the lack of him concentrating on his business empire and from the looks of things if his present state does not improve soon his other world other than N, he will soon lose to Chaskar and his other dushmans that may follow.[/QUOTE]
 
Hi Aneesa,
 
Good, it was a brave attempt as I am fully aware that I am walking on eggshells when it comes to the psychological nuances. Thank you for reminding me of that post where I wrote that Dutta should stop indulging in self-mutilation. Actually, the calmer Dutta I have seen these last two weeks give me hope that CVs have finally decided to re-define D&N relationship in a more positive light and the Seema track unless we are absolutely off key should constitute a start towards this process of redefining and rebuilding.
 
As to Dutta's apparent lack of interest in the business aspects of his "empire", it would be in his favour if he stops wearing blinkers and evaluates Baaji's importance for upholding his "business ethics" however silly that may sound for he remains a criminal. Albeit, a stylised, well regarded Don with the common people's interest at heart.
 
This could constitute a post....We will have to see how the situation evolves with the corpse of Suresh found in his jeep when Suds is at the helm of security and the hub of his business affairs now. That is going to be interesting.
 
Luv,
 
Kavita


Edited by KavitaDR - 26 December 2010 at 5:51pm

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