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The Light in His Darkness/Note: Pg 1/ Updated Pg 6 (Page 6)

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Posted: 27 January 2012 at 2:55pm | IP Logged
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Edited by vena.cava. - 20 February 2012 at 12:01pm

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Posted: 20 February 2012 at 12:00pm | IP Logged

"I don't need anyone!" his voice bellowed, resonating through her room, through her. 

 

His words hit her with the force of a thousand bricks.  She had brought this upon him, and the guilt of it absolutely wrecked her.  He was hurt and bleeding to the point of exhaustion.  Shilpa mentally kicked herself before returning to the frantic state of trying to help him. She was not going to argue anymore. 

 

"You need me." 

 

Three simple words said with such utter force that Armaan had to look at her.  Her eyes laced with tears, hair a mess and her face etched with a look of determination.  She was ever the stubborn one.  His vision blurred for an instant and his gaze fell.  Before Armaan could lose his balance Shilpa's hands had caught his arms and brought him slowly to a stable position. 

 

Her hands were cold.  The sharp cool sensation melted against his boiling skin, the only thing that brought him back from his slipping conscious state.  Her ice against his raging fire.  Shilpa hadn't realized it yet but she was melting, hard and fast.  His fire was all around her, teasing her, provoking her, consuming her.

 

She brought out the solution for his skin and the cotton ball.  Armaan pushed her arm away, yet Shilpa did not relent.  She brought the cotton swab closer to his skin allowing for contact with the wound.  She pressed gently but firmly enough so as to clean the wound for fear of infection.  Shilpa heard the hiss of his breath as Armaan let out a quiet cry in pain.  She wouldn't look at him, her defenses were already down, and she couldn't bear to see his face etched with pain.

 

"I... I'm... I'm sorry." 

 

Shilpa stopped, her ears still reeling from the apology and heart not yet believing it.  And yet even as his apology rung in her ears she could not bring herself to look at him.  She continued to clean the wound and felt Armaan's head shake as if her attempt at helping him were futile.

 

"The wound requires stitches," his hoarse voice broke into her once again. 

 

He was right of course the wound did require stitches.

 

"But I can't stitch the wound without anesthesia.  I ca-"

 

"Dr. Shilpa I'm the patient.  I'll handle it."

 

"But the pain-"

 

"Dr. Shilpa just do it."

 

Stitching him without anesthesia would hurt him and he was already in so much pain.  She would not be able to do it.  Her eyes searched his franticly, trying to find another way to heal his wound, but he was determined.  Armaan stood rooted to the spot his gaze intently set upon Shilpa and she could not help but feel unnerved.

 

 --------

 

They had moved.  Armaan sat exhausted on her staircase while Shilpa tried to clean his wound some more before stitching it.  Shilpa took out the needle and examined it.  She would have to pierce through his skin and then stitch it back together as if his skin were nothing more than a torn shirt.  Shilpa tried to focus but found herself trembling slightly.  She peered at Armaan once more; his head tipped back in pain and teeth ground together, and plunged the needle carefully into his skin. 

 

His cry of pain sent currents through her and she looked up at him in a panic.  His hand held the banister so tightly she thought it might break in two.  She brought out the needle and felt her hand tremble with fear.  Armaan sensing her hesitation saw that her hand was trembling.  He had to guide her through this or the pain would never cease.

 

"Dr. Shilpa, a qualified surgeon does not hesitate, his hands will not shiver, at the thought of a surgery.  Just do it."

 

It was as if her hand worked of its own accord.  Her hand fell into rhythm and brought the needle carefully in and out of his skin.  She could sense his pain; it flew out of him like bursts of waves.  After carefully having stitched the wound she cut the thread and found a thick cloth from her first aid box to cover the wound.   

 

She laid the cloth on his wound before setting it permanently.  Shilpa stole a glance at Armaan in the very moment his eyes peered up at her.  She felt a wave of understanding flow between them.  This was their moment, theirs to cherish, to keep and to hold onto forever.  No one would know no one had to know what had passed between them then.  They would both be keepers of this fine secret, that when Armaan had needed someone the most it had been her.  Ridhimma had not stepped out of his past to help him heal instead Shilpa had fallen into his reality and had fixed him.

 

Shilpa continued to clean all his slight wounds and cuts before looking him directly in the eye and apologizing.  She had done this to him.  She had reduced him to this exhausted man half unconscious from his pain on her staircase.  She got up slowly and saw his blood stained on her hands.  Armaan bled so much and it was all my fault, she thought.  His blood was a stain that would never wash away.    

 

Armaan felt rather than saw her leave.  Every step she took further away from him tugged at him.  They were bound now.  Not by attraction or mere infatuation but by pain and need.  She had seen him in his rawest state, she had helped him, healed him, fixed him.  Fixed him, Shilpa had tried to free him of his pain just when he thought the world around him was falling apart.  She, the naive young doctor, did not know that Armaan was not aching physically; his mind ached, his heart ached, his very soul ached.

 

They hadn't realized it yet but she would be the one to fix him, in every sense of the word.  She would make him yearn for the very love that had destroyed him.  She would be the silver lining in his ever consuming darkness. 

 

Armaan sat in all black in the dim light of the empty staircase.  Black the colour of despair, of emptiness, of darkness.  Before closing his eyes to finally slip away into dreams for which he desperately hoped to be his reality, Armaan caught a glimpse of white.  White the colour of purity, of light.  Shilpa was it, the sole light in his darkness.

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Shilpa shifted in her bed.  The air surrounding her felt cold, a sharp sensation that when she breathed bit into her lungs.  The pain forced her to rise from her bed.  Shilpa could not understand her restlessness.  She had work the next day and yet her eyes refused to yield to the siren song of a deep slumber.  Her eyes darted to the clock beside her bed.  2:10. Realizing she would find no sleep for the moment, Shilpa reluctantly pushed her covers aside and walked silently to her living room. 

 

Her footsteps fell in a hushed rhythm and although she lived alone, Shilpa felt the inane urge to keep silent as though the slightest creak would set the house ablaze.  Moonlight cascaded from a nearby window and caused her rather dim hallway to glow a serene blue in the light.  In the tranquility that lulled her ears the sudden roar of a motorcycle nearby caused Shilpa to jump. 

 

My god, she thought and cursed herself for becoming so frightened.

 

The motorcycle's roar fainted and Shilpa was left in silence once again.  The sound had stirred something in her.  Shilpa was puzzled, butterflies grew in numbers in her stomach and all of a sudden she felt queasy.  Something was wrong.  The motorcycle had –

 

Armaan.

 

Over the past few days the recent encounters with Armaan had Shilpa wondering whether he was as fine as he claimed.  His eyes danced nervously when meeting hers and more so with Riddhima.  When he had begun to tease her about her wearing a suit, and how she was in fact not the 'modern' girl she claimed to be, in defense and exasperation she had thrown his street fight incident in his face.  His expression had changed after the reminder.  Shilpa had deduced that he was street fighting in secret, possibly after work or whenever he could find the time. 

 

Shilpa stopped dead in her tracks.  Without thinking of the consequence Shilpa grabbed her keys and ran to her car.

 

 

Finding him wasn't as hard as she thought.  There was only one place where the local goons went to attend street fights.  As she stepped out of her car clad in nothing but her pajama bottoms and a long short sleeve t-shirt, Shilpa cursed her impulsiveness.  From outside of the building she could hear the cheers of the partially drunk men who had nothing better to do than be found in a street fight and followed the noise.

 

Once inside Shilpa was overwhelmed by the immediate warmth.  Her shivers melted into the moist air around her and the faint odor of blood caught her attention.  She walked closer to the ring and found that Armaan was not fighting.  She sighed in the relief that he may not have come, that he had decided that the whole idea of fighting was stupid.  Her relief fell short when Shilpa noticed Armaan in the crowd.  His all black ensemble plunged her mind to the memory of the night she had gotten him into a street fight.  The bitter taste of guilt still hung on her tongue and she shuddered the memory away.

 

For now Shilpa focused on Armaan.  He was watching the match with sheer intensity, as if to pick up any mistake either fighter were to make and to not repeat it himself.  Shilpa hid behind a couple of men to protect herself from Armaan's gaze.   

 

If he were to see me here I will be in so much trouble, Shilpa thought.

 

Just then a loud noise interrupted the crowded room and the fight was declared over.  Men around her started to move and Shilpa lost sight of Armaan.  She had to find him; she would not let him fight, not under her watch.  She walked through the thick crowd and couldn't find him.  Shilpa was beginning to get agitated.  Her head felt heavy and there was a slight queasy feeling lurking in her stomach. 

 

Another loud noise echoed through the air and Shilpa stood still.  The announcement for the next fight brought everyone still and with eager attention the audience stared back into the ring.  Shilpa made her way to the middle to get a better view of the ring and possibly of Armaan.  Shilpa looked around the room and found Armaan to be nowhere until her stare landed upon the ring.  Armaan stood in the middle, opposite his opponent, with a glare so deadly it could kill. 

 

Shilpa stopped short of yelling his name.  She could not call his name now, any distraction could cost him. 

 

The announcer yelled something and Shilpa felt something within her stir.  She could not watch this; she didn't have the strength to watch Armaan being hurt.  She closed her eyes and could hear people around her cheering.  Shilpa's curiosity was much stronger than she had thought and her will power died with her opening her eyes.  Armaan stood facing her and not a scratch on his skin, his opponent lay sprawled on the ring floor.  Shilpa smiled despite herself.  He had won and that too in a matter of seconds.  Shilpa scoffed at the thought of Armaan's opponent being too weak or completely unprepared to watch him.  This fight he had come out unscathed but Shilpa could not bet on the next ones.  Finally feeling herself tire and ready to sleep Shilpa walked quietly out of the place and drove home, content knowing that Armaan was fine. 

 

 

By the end of the month Shilpa had gone every night to see Armaan fight.  It had become routine.  She hid between the crowds so his eyes would never find her.  She would watch from the sidelines to ensure that if by the end of the night he wasn't fine she would help him.  Usually he would be hit in the face but not enough to leave a scar.  Shilpa vowed that she would never make her presence known to him.  He would never know that she cared enough to watch him fight every night.

 

Tonight was no exception.

 

Armaan had fought harder than she had ever seen him fight.  His opponent was quick and eager to win but foolish enough to not expect Armaan's unexpected blows.  His foolishness cost him the match and had handed Armaan victory.  Armaan was growing a reputation now.  Shilpa on numerous occasions overheard some men betting each other over who would win, Armaan or his opponent.  Armaan had gained notoriety by winning every match. 

 

Shilpa had slipped out of the crowd unnoticed like she had every night and walked out to be met by the cool wind of a moonlit night.  Her car was parked on the other side of the building, forcing her to round the dark corners of the building.  Shilpa had rounded the second corner to her car when she felt a hand close around her wrist and twist her so her body fell hard against another.  Her right arm twisted around her back Shilpa opened her mouth to scream but her scream fell silent as another hand covered her mouth.

 

I am going to die.  Oh my god I can't believe I'm going to die.  Is he going to cut me into little pieces and feed me to rabid dogs or – Shilpa's thoughts were interrupted by the voice of the man holding her.

 

"What are you doing here?" his voice was deep and not at all kind and Shilpa grew still.  His voice was familiar but too deep to recall from where she had heard it. 

 

Shilpa peered slightly through her eyelids and saw that it was Armaan.  A million thoughts raced through her mind.  How had he found her?  How long had he known she was there?  Was he angry with her for hiding in secret?  What was he going to do to her?

 

Safe to assume that she would not scream Armaan removed his hand from her mouth but maintained his proximity.  She looked scared, like a deer caught in headlights.  She had not anticipated this and Armaan inwardly smirked at her naivety.  Her eyes darted everywhere and refused to look at him.

 

"Well?"

 

Her heart stopped.  Well what?  She had no idea how she was going to answer him. 

 

"Well…I..I..uh…I th-th-thought that yo-you might-"

 

Armaan felt his impatience rise and he brought her closer.  Shilpa was suddenly aware of how close he was to her.  She could not breathe.  Armaan looked down at her and saw that her brown eyes had specks of gold in them.  He had never noticed the effect they had on her eyes before.  His expression softened as he found himself exploring different regions of her face.  The slight laugh lines otherwise invisible when he stood further from her lined the ends of her plush, pink lips.  His stance unguarded, Shilpa felt his hold on her falter and she stepped out of his grasp and her back flushed against the cold concrete wall.  She shivered.  Whether it was from the cold or from Armaan's gaze she did not ponder.

 

"I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have come," Shilpa spoke quietly.

 

Armaan snapped out of whatever trance she had put on him and looked at her with a blank expression.

 

"You're right, you shouldn't have been here.  But then again you're not one to care enough about consequences are you?" his tone was derisive, even looking at the ground Shilpa could hear his smirk.

 

Her gaze snapped up to meet his and her breath caught.  His eyes felt akin to black holes in the shadows he was standing in.  Black holes devoid of light, hope, faith.  Something changed and Armaan's grip loosened on Shilpa and he stepped the slightest bit back.  Shilpa taking this as an opportunity ran, far from him and didn't once look back. 

 

(Let the games begin)

 

 

Waking up the next day was more of a hassle than Shilpa remembered it to be.  Her eyes refused to open to the sunlight that drenched her room.  Shilpa could feel the warmth that seeped through her window, tickling the back of her neck.  She let out an inaudible sigh and reluctantly lifted herself out of her bed.

 

The floor felt like ice underneath her feet and the sensation sent a jolt through her tired body.  Her eyes strayed to the clock on the far side of her hallway.

 

8: 10.

 

Shilpa's heartbeat turned erratic and her realization that she needed to get ready and reach the hospital within twenty minutes, sent her flying through her house.  Rushing into the bathroom and right back out, she ran into the side of her bed stumping her toe.

 

Fudge, her mind shouted from the immediate pain that coursed through her lower limb.  She limped her way to her closet, choosing a decent enough ensemble and rushed out to her car. 

 

The only thing that ran through her mind was the fear of becoming late, all other matters, especially that of a certain man, took a backseat. 

 

 

Shilpa, of which she would swear was a miracle, reached the hospital with two minutes to spare.  She power walked to the locker room and found the rest of the interns huddled around awaiting their duties for the day. 

 

"Dr. Shilpa," her name if uttered by any other voice would not have rooted her immediately to her spot.  The only voice that had her at a standstill, belonged to a man whose one gaze had her wanting to both run away and look into them, only for as long as he would allow.  

 

She closed her eyes for the slightest second, What does the vile man have to say to me now?

 

Turning on her heel Shilpa brought her gaze to meet his and said with a clenched smile, "Yes, Dr. Armaan?"

 

"You have been assigned to assist me in the paediatric wing today," his voice sounded triumphant, almost as if getting her alone would work only to his advantage.  The very thought scared her.  She knew for a fact that Armaan could only want her alone to discuss the predicament she had gotten herself into the night before.

 

"I'll be with you in a moment.  I just need to clear my mind of some things," her voice faltered slightly but she remained stoic in her expression. 

 

"Take your time Dr. Shilpa, but don't keep me waiting."

 

If there were ever a time Shilpa had wished she could slap a smirk off someone's face it would have been now.  His infuriating smile, that slight lift of his lips at the corner of his mouth, and his horribly mischievous eyes sent her mind reeling with various methods of slaughter. 

 

And yet.

 

There was the buzz of his presence filling up around her.  Her memory catapulted her back to the night before.  The feel of his touch, brought her skin singing in remembrance.  His eyes that had stood no further than mere inches from her own engulfed her mind.

 

She shook her head, cleansing herself of the thought of him.  He was territory unknown to her.  It was one thing to watch over him, admire him from afar.  It was another to become entangled with him.  Her mind could not lose control on accord of her heart; she had too much to worry about.  

 

She walked over to the Intern's Receptionist Desk, to grab the files of the patients she would be overseeing during the day.  Three children with a mild case of the influenza but due to poor living conditions they were moved to the hospital, and a child recovery from pneumonia. 

 

Her game plan was to immerse herself with her patients; she hadn't become a doctor for the hell of it.  She was well aware of being in a position of pure helplessness and everything be damned if she couldn't help erase that from another's life.  It was why she had chosen paediatrics as her specialty, so she could provide these kids with warm and compassionate care. 

 

She rounded the corner onto the unit and having her stare lost on the ground, Shilpa did not see Dr. Siddhant's looming figure walking towards her. 

 

His smile reached his eyes as he thought, Someone has to play cupid, so why not me? 

 

"Oh Dr. Shilpa," said Sid with a sing-song voice.  Shilpa immediately looked up and felt relief wash over her like a wave.  Sid had a way of cheering up the world; his smile was so infectious that Shilpa found herself smiling brightly back.

 

"Yes Dr. Siddhant," Shilpa replied with the same sing-song voice.

 

Sid crossed his hands together and rocked back and forth on his heel a smile still plastered to his face, "Your assigned to work with Dr. Malik correct?" 

 

Shilpa's eyes instantly narrowed, "Yes, but what of it?"

 

"What? Wh-wha-what?  Well nothing!  Nothing at all, I was just curious and asked you," Sid said still smiling.

 

Shilpa leaned back, eyes still squinting at Sid, trying to figure him out. Then thinking better of it she playfully hit him and told him she'd see him at lunch and walked into her unit.

 

Not to her surprise she saw Armaan was already there.  He seemed different somehow, more relaxed and not wearing a pretentious mask as he always did around Shilpa.  He was playfully getting one of the patients to lie down so he could check his vitals.  Shilpa looked on finding herself drawn to the scene before her.  Armaan was smiling so genuinely that Shilpa found something inside her warm, and as if on cue Armaan turned around.

 

As soon as his gaze found hers something snapped.  Armaan's guard went right up and Shilpa's warmth vanished. 

 

"Dr. Shilpa I assume you've brought the files," Armaan stated staring at her.

 

"Uhm, yeah." 

 

Brilliant Shilpa, Shilpa reprimanded herself, absolutely brilliant.            

 

As she put the files on one of the nearby desks she felt something tug her coat.  Turning around she saw a little girl holding a teddy with one hand and Shilpa's coat with other.

 

"Are you here to fix us?  Will you make us all better?" the little girl's voice asked.

 

Shilpa smiled and bent down to the girl's level, meeting her eyes. 

 

She cupped her cheek and replied, "Of course.  I'm going to fix you right up, I mean you all lead such busy lives right?  You have to get home, watch TV and play with your friends!  Who am I to stand in your way?"

 

The girl's face broke into a smile and she lunged for Shilpa.  Shilpa picked her up and placed her on her bed.  Whilst talking to the girl she checked her vitals and ion levels.  She worked like this for the rest of the shift.  Playing with the kids but ensuring their immune stability.  Becoming occupied with the kids Shilpa forgot completely about Armaan's presence, and Armaan watched with a slight smile while Shilpa worked. 

 

No, caring.  She's caring for them.  Not working, he mused to himself.

 

Shilpa turned around and saw Armaan.  Her heartbeat increased tenfold and she could not, for the life of her calm her senses.  She was so afraid, so genuinely frightened, that if Armaan looked into her eyes he would know.  He would know how much he affected her, how much her body gave way to him.  She straightened her posture slowly and kept her gaze averted.         

     

"Dr. Shilpa, Dr. Kirti is asking for you.  She needs the updated files of the children's ward," Armaan spoke, in a quipped, direct tone.

 

Shilpa nodded and as she moved to the end of the ward, where the files lay, she felt a slight tug on the hem of her coat.  She turned around to see that, Rohit, one of the patients was looking up at her with an expression that broke her heart.

 

"Please," he pleaded quietly, "please don't go."

 

Shilpa's heart broke at his soft voice, the yearning in it melted her completely. 

 

She bent down to his level and with a smile replied, "I'll only be gone for a moment.  I swear.  I'll be right back.  And Dr. Armaan is really fun too.  You know him an-"

 

"No.  We want you," Rohit interrupted her.

 

"Then you'll have me," Shilpa smiled, "Just give me a little bit of time.  I'll be back before you go to sleep."

 

Shilpa stood up and patted his head.  She guided him to his bed and winked in her signature way before leaving the room.  Before reaching the corridor she turned around and smiled at the kids one last time.  She made way to leave and as she did her arm brushed Armaan's.  The slight touch, barely noticeable, ran a shiver through Shilpa.  She gasped, almost inaudibly, and sneaking a look at Armaan, stalked out of the ward.

 

The corridors of the hospital seemed to have emptied out, doctors all occupied and nurses on their break.  Shilpa walked quietly and as she rounded the corner she spotted Dr. Kirti, she was instructing one of the new nurses. 

 

Shilpa walked up to Dr. Kirti and waited for her to stop speaking to the nurse, standing patiently to her right.

"Just ensure there is enough saline solution in the room, I don't want to have to repeat myself.  Am I clear?" the elder doctor's voice was stern and Shilpa smiled slightly, for  not being on the receiving end of her rebukes for once. 

 

The nurse walked away and Dr. Kirti turned to see Shilpa holding the file she had needed.  She smiled softly and nodded at Shilpa. 

 

"Dr. Armaan had said that you needed for me to hand in the updated files of the patients in the pediatric ward.  They've all been updated.  Vital and immune signs for all the patients look good so far but there's an odd shortage of glucose in the wing.  I was hoping we could do something about that, I'm not sure how long we'll last on the supply we have now," Shilpa stated.

 

Something flickered in Dr. Kirti's eyes, and Shilpa could have sworn that it was a flicker of respect and surprise.  Shilpa's heart swelled, knowing that she had impressed the elder doctor.  All Shilpa had ever wanted was to be recognized as an equal, a competent and caring doctor.  She was one step closer and she could not suppress the warmth surging inside her.     

 

"I'll get on the situation as soon as possible.  There was something else I wanted to discuss with you.  There is an opportunity actually.  Every three months we send an intern to different parts of the state to set up medical camps.  The interns are of course sent with a senior doctor.  In any case I have been tremendously surprised with your vast improvement over the past few months.  I have recommended you," Dr. Kirti said.

 

Shilpa's excitement could not be contained.  Her face broke into the widest smile and she stared speechlessly at the doctor before her. 

 

"I-I- am so…  Thank you!  Thank you so much Dr.  Kirti!  I won't let you down.  I swear I will do my very best and make you and the hospital so proud," Shilpa rushed out.

 

Dr. Kirti smiled affectionately and replied, "That's the spirit.  You will be leaving in two days.  The place is Panchgini and you will be staying there for at least three weeks."

 

"Aren't you the least bit curious, Dr. Shilpa, who it is that you will be under the supervision of," thick as night, and sharp as ice, Armaan's voice struck Shilpa. 

 

No!  For the love of- NO! Shilpa screamed in her mind.

 

This could not be happening, she can't, Dr. Kirti woul-

 

"Dr. Armaan will be the senior doctor assisting you," Dr. Kirti's tone, although soft, pierced through Shilpa's scatter of thoughts.

 

Her heart dropped and Shilpa saw Armaan lean against the window of an adjoining room, crossing his arms in the intimidating gesture she had become so accustomed too.  He stared at her, attention fixated to her rooted body.  She wished nothing more than to understand what he was thinking, to fall one step ahead of whatever he was thinking of doing. 

 

This will not slip out of hand.  He isn't the reason I'm here.  He won't affect me, Shilpa thought in self-assurance. 

  

She narrowed her eyes at Armaan and then turning to look at Dr. Kirti she spoke defiantly, "That's perfect.  I know that I will have so much to learn from the experience, isn't that right Dr. Armaan?"

 

She had caught him off guard.  Although he remained still, Armaan's eyes betrayed the fascination that hit him with her words.  She would not step down. 

 

"Of course, of course Dr. Shilpa," Armaan's voice had melted as soft as silk.

 

Shilpa knew what she had gotten herself into.  Armaan's voice had melted from its usual hard disposition and Shilpa had brought the wrath of a man she couldn't even begin to understand, upon her.  Armaan smirked and Shilpa flinched. 

 

Bring it on Shilpa, Armaan's voice echoed in Shilpa's mind.  

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Posted: 20 February 2012 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
NOTE:  To all those that wanted me to add them to the PM list, I added you to my Buddy list because I just find it easier to send you guys one huge update message, instead of just clicking PM and going through my list.  I hope you don't mind!  It's just an easier way of doing things(:

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Posted: 20 February 2012 at 12:21pm | IP Logged
Awesome...
loved it 
Big smile



Edited by Tia_0810 - 21 February 2012 at 10:37am

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Bellastiel 45 5597 11 November 2011 at 9:04pm by Deepi20
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