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Joined: 26 December 2010
Life seems to be a stranger. Actually, I don't really know what life does, and how it does. I mean, I have never been the expecting types; all I wanted was the same things that common people love, but I guess I was wrong.
Who knows what changes occur. I had my own share of experiences, my own happy as well as sad moments. Well, moving away has never been an issue, but I had been excited. Excited to move on and make new friends. There was pain of loosing the older ones, but more happiness to find new ones.
Happiness shone in my eyes,
Dreams soared in the sky.
I had pretty much expectation,
I had a firm determination.
I still remember the first day, when I stepped in this school, with thousands of emotions, expectations, dreams and aspirations of making new friends. But maybe it's the law of nature that one can't remain happy for long. Surely, I made some friends, but they were fake. Whenever I said that I am alone , everybody used to say that they are there with me , And I used to think that they are right , but no , they always proved me wrong !
I remember how I have cried due to the games played on me. I showed that it didn't matter to me, while it did hurt me. I am a human for God sake! I have emotions too; I just bottle up everything inside me. They say that I am pretty melodramatic and fake, but I am not. It's they who don't consider me worthy of their friendship.
Who said that I was strong,
I was vulnerable and wrong.
To consider them as my friends,
Who cared for nothing except fashion trends.
It's been four year in this school, but I still aspire for a true friend. A friend who would understand me, who can tolerate me, who can listen to me every time, who gives me a shoulder to cry, who can inspire and encourage me, and mostly, a friend who likes me the way I am.
I have been through various ups and downs. They gave me a title which I don't want to disclose just because I made friends who were of my age group. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to have a set of fellow mates, whom I can call friends. They played various games on me, made me cry so hard that my eyes were red.
Times and times I have cried,
With no one to console me,
Still I am waiting for someone,
Who can love me.
Many a times, I have even slept weeping. It's not that I can take it anymore. It's just more than enough. And then they have the audacity to say to me that I should not take it to my heart. Why? Why do they think that they can walk all over me like anything? I mean, I know that I let them, but still, they have no right to do so.
I am going to change. Change a bit for my own good. I have to change, but still I don't change. God knows why, but I can never change. I am the same old Anvita. Hell! I don't know why I can't change for once. I mean, when I would get tired of being hurt.
I don't know why, but I still share my feelings with people around me and trust them blindly. Then they break my trust and laugh at my own face! How easy it is to form groups and say that you are not a part of our group, but how difficult is it to hold back emotions.
Holding back emotions is so not nice,
You have to lie and fake pose a smile.
It pains you to be like that,
Where you have to bear all bad.
It is really difficult to fake a smile in front of everyone and post that everything is great, while it hurts like hell. It really hurts when someone ignores you, just because you are alone and 'un-cool' according to them! I hate myself for spoiling my relationship with my teacher, just because they called me "teacher's pet."
They just used me as a puppet in their hands and I did what they said. I thought that one day they would love me, but, I was mistaken. Hearts of stones don't bear fruits of love. Who loves to sit in the class alone, with no one to talk to? None.
They just used me as a puppet in their hands and I did what they said. I thought that one day they would love me, but, I was mistaken. Hearts of stones don't bear fruits of love. Who loves to sit in the class alone, with no one to talk to? No one.
It's really strange that when your heart breaks,
It is only you who can feel the pain.
Others can never hear the noise,
It just breaks and shatters you inside.
My class boys treat me as untouchable, and make faces at me. I don't belong to lower class people, and as far as looks are concerned, I have a fair skin, I just wear a spectacle. According to my sister, I am the most beautiful girl in the world, which I am not, but I am not ugly.
I just wonder that why do they hate me so much. I have never asked for love in return, but then, they don't even care about my sentiments. What is my fault? They don't even bother telling me my own mistake! I hate them; still I need someone's shoulder to rest my head on. I need someone's ears to listen to me. I want a friend.
Why am I alone? Why? What's my damned fault? According to me, I think I have never done or thought bad for anyone then why is it me, who has to listen to all this rubbish and bear all this? Everybody has questions but nobody has answers. Yeah, quiet filmy, but still, I am alone and want someone.
Whenever you are sad or low,
Just remember the memories that made you glow.
The search for yourself begins at home,
You heart is all the answers dome.
P.S.- The last two poetic quotes are from my sister's "I wasn't supposed to love" and I have used it with her permission. So kindly don't blame me for plagiarism cause it's written by my own sister.
P.P.S. - This is the first time i am writing something, so kindly review it and make my day.
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