FF: New York times with Maan&Geet Thread 3 05/03 - Page 35

Strangely I was selfish. He had opened up to me about all that was eating him slowly and yet I had moved to kiss him. Silenced him as I placed my lips over his and held him in a tight hug. But did I silence him mentally too? I wanted to. For unknown intentions I could not put him ahead of my needs. The guilt took over and I pulled away from him, as I made every effort not to the feel the fervor I had for him.

"Kurta pehne se kuch nahin hota hain Maan...jaldi nahe ke aayi ye" I said as he sulked over our broken kiss.

I needed to handle the cheap feeling that had crept in me and it was good time to have on my hands. May be this was not right? Not when I had seen him yo-yoing with himself and his emotions. This was new to me, as I had not seen him wilt and come across restless. Not since the proposal, but to me this was still different. His answers did seem convincing and unsettling which had thrown me off track to be caught in a weak moment where I had pushed myself ahead of him. But he had kissed back too...

My mind ran amuck as I struggled with the loss of control over my newfound desire and over his edginess.

<Maan's monologue>

I hated the moment she had pulled away from me. Now I was feeling the same old miserable self torn over my duty and decisions. As I stood there watching the snow drift in the directions of the wind, through the bedroom window, my phone beeped ominously once again to call to my slipping attention. Going through the message only sunk me in deeper waters. Cradling in despair over broken bonds, I carried the towel to the bathroom seeking the much-needed relief in the form of a shower. If only all could end well...

The hot water that gushed out of the shower didn't help either. Did I do this to her? My heart tore with guilt as my mind had summoned the bitter rationale against me. It was still hard for me to feel helpless and indecisive; such states never worked for me. The betrayal and the drowning sorrow that had shaken the roots of my home had me bounded. Perhaps I still had ill feelings left over from the past that I had not sorted through. I struggled to make a decision if this was befitting Daadima's ears as I shredded in pieces.

I wondered what Daadima would want me to do...if only I could first muster up to deliver the news to her. Would Geet understand if I was to tell her that we had to get back to NY? Cut short her carefully put together trip? Our honeymoon...Why would I have to choose one over the other? The reproaching past beckoned and so I shall ask my promising present...

It was frustrating that the choices I had to pick, always asked for sacrifices to be made. Was this fair?

I stayed longer than usual in the shower, only hoping that the answers would come to me, wishing as a teenager for the waters to wipe down the shaky situation.

I braced myself for her bitter mood and biting dismay, only wanting her to fathom all that was at loss without my faltering reasons I had for her. Deciding to play along with Geet for sometime, before I break the news to her, I stepped outside the shower door.

<Geet's monologue>

As I sliced up the peaches for him, I heard the creaking sound of the door. My thoughts raced and my heart fluttered. I was shy, no doubt as my mind played with the images of him and me on our second wedding night. Yes that is what I called it, but I had not yet dared to announce it to him. To him, the first or the second or the Nth didn't matter. I was already his; the day he had laid eyes upon me is what he had wearily repeated those worrisome days to my cursing heart.

Well it was one thing to live outside this world of pleasure while not having tasted it and now that I have, it only did drive me crazy for more. Something I would never voice out to him, but I was content that I had acknowledged it to my inner self. The acceptance was essential, given that there was a time, when all I had felt was disgust, anger and perhaps even nauseated at the thought of being with another man, but now that I had his ever patient love to crossover some broken bridges, I wanted to burn them down. It was a place no one should be at for any period of time and I certainly did not deserve to dwell there.

Standing there, while my eyes scanned for him, I continued chopping the juicy peach as the air laced thick with his Oakmoss, bergamot notes of his perfume. His clammy game that now had become a morning regular had me smile coyly. This was not the sort that had anything to do with running or huffing, but everything to do with sultry stillness. He would stand ever so close by me, carefully choosing not to touch me and would leave me simmer to his soldering gaze. Sometimes I would face him, just as I was this time, staying back, leaning on the counter. Stepping forward, still choosing to leave a thin film of air between us, his mischievous eyes travelled down my shuddering body. I was still learning to speak his words, hear them, as it would zap me sharply, cringing in sensual haven. And as he saw my being filled with want for him, he upped his game. His lips lingered close to my cheek and yet wouldn't touch my thirsting skin. Closing my eyes, I waited upon the intense moment. It was an anxious moment waiting for the floodgates of passion to open up and sweep me off my floor....

"Ouch...." I screamed. Stupid…Stupid...Geet...I had to spoil it. The knife had left a cut by the tip of my index finger and was now gushing red...cut...deep...

<Maan's monologue>

"Geet" I quickly held her as she lost control and slipped. She had, no doubt fainted, at the sight of blood.

Holding her in my arms, I tried to get some water to pat down her face with the water from the kitchen tap. Ok, that didn't do the trick, so now I scooped up water in the curve of my pan, and sharply sprinkled the same on her face.

"Aah!...Sorry...Maan" She came back to form and took a minute to recover, while I couldn't help chuckle at how frail my Mishti was.

"That has never happened before..." She said, turning to slightly whack my shoulder "It's all because of you"

She smiled as she ran her finger under the cold water and reached for a near by paper towel. Something took over me that bewitching moment and I didn't know if it was her low back, that gave me a full view of her creamy expanse, or the silly look on her face as she shook her fingers, could be the tiny water drop that had landed by the corner of her lip, or the bare waist that came into view as she straightened her falling aanchal, but I just had to grab her by her curve of her hips and thrust myself upon her to steal a forceful kiss. Kissing me back feverishly, her hand slipped under my shirt and held me tightly. I felt her heart jolt and pound against mine, almost thudding in rhythm. She was being crushed in my embrace, but for odd reasons, I didn't care and parted her supple lips as something intense to flare right through me.

Her moaning always made me do things I would never let my suave being do so and here it echoed in my ears, to let my hand trace her upper body, only to...have myself shoved once again.

"Wow" I exclaimed in surprise for I thought we were way past that. But I was wrong, it had taken her up in a shock that I had advanced too quickly and suddenly. As I moved back, observing her go from panic to playful, all too fast before I could understand what I had done wrong I did not expect what came next; not in a thousand years. She had come at me with such force, that I was cornered by the countertop, a saucy look on her face - almost impish I can say, and cupped my cheeks and crushed her lips on mine brashly.  I was only thankful that we did not dwelve into any conversations to assess why she had done what she had done, or that it did not go the other route of me having to apologize to her. At the moment, I wanted to surrender and be lost in her and that is what I did as I indulged myself with her succulent lips.

The hot shower time had cooled me down from all the displeasure that had kept me uptight and uneasy around her and now I wanted to toy with her; give her a dose of her own medicine. While she raised her hands to cling around my neck...I gently released her from her hold and walked away. Turning to give out a devilish smirk as I caught her register my act and bloom scarlet, partly over being cross at me and the blush that was draining from her huey cheeks. My ill humor had gotten to her that had me pick up my pace and dash across the room. She raced me, struggling to keep her aanchal up her shoulder, picking up her sari a little away from the floor, often pushing back her hair behind her ears, my Mishti tried to catch up with me as she tried being playful and mad all at the same time.

What is life if everything is as expected? So I stopped right by the couch and that in turn had her come to a halt a few feet away from me. She was confused and I capitalized that still moment to let the hunter become the hunted.  It didn't take me long as I got close to her and swept her off her feet to get out in the frigid cold and dropped her on a mound of fresh snow by the picket fence.

Seated on the soft snow, balling up the same to throw at me, I saw her in those it-all-comes-back-to-you moment. I wasn't dying, but it stuck me, as much as I knew I was living it, it was hard to believe that I now had her, all for myself. Once again I was back to the moment I had first laid eyes on her and that time now only did seem as sickening torture. Then came the instant I had fallen in love with her, perhaps that might also have been the same second I had seen her in my room, I wasn't sure, but the period I left her in India after the proposal had been the most gruesome. And then our phere reeled and flashed in front of my eyes. For reasons I did not know, as I saw her sitting on the snow with a content smile, it didn't occur to me earlier that I already had someone who had cast their past aside for their present. Didn't she deserve any happiness? This was a time that would never repeat itself and perhaps I was not fair to chose someone else over her. She was no different and that she struggled with night and day and all that was in-between the same way I did. Yet here she was smiling the most serene one I had ever seen while she hurled another fluffy ball at me. As broken as we were inside, we shall ever remain each other's heroes, striving to get ahead with life, one step at a time. My Mishti...a calm came over me, spreading all over, throwing me into a state of overwhelming ease.

"Thud" a touch fluffy mess knocked me off my feet as it hit me right by my forehead and I landed right beside her. Still in the dazed state as I was caught between the realization that had dawned on me from her serene smile I was hooked into, she shook me ever so gently by my collar.

"Maan...Andar chalen...bahuth tand lag raha hain" she asked as she came onto me.

I felt paralyzed as I saw her in new light. A part of me still moved and responded to her call, as I took her into an encircling embrace and another part of me cried thanks to all that I had to be thankful for.

"Maan...aap teek tho hain?...Kya hua aapko?"

<Geet's monologue>

His eyes. I had lifted my head to catch the look on his face and that is when I had seen him; his eyes fixed at me, just the way it had the first time I had met him in his cabin. A tranquil in him, that I did not understand spoke to me in hushed tones. I peered deep into him only to grow familiar with his whispering gaze. Though I couldn't tell for sure, I knew he was at peace with something that had raged inside him. For sure, I couldn't tell if I had done it in someway, but I grew rested at the sight of his curving lips. The cold winds blew past us, cracking my parched skin but I felt the warmth that radiated across, would last me there for a few more minutes. I cupped his cheek and lowered  my lips to capture his blazing emotion in a soft kiss.

Because...And only because I felt I cannot leave NY times not updated for such a long time, I'm posting it half way through. So let me know...This continues...their honeymoon is next. OS comments? NY times Comments? Like Button? Don't leave me hanging in there.