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Weekened Retreat 5 specialscene pg10 NivrenManiacs (Page 2)

Scintillating IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 02 December 2010
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Posted: 24 December 2010 at 8:37pm | IP Logged
Oh boy, this is going to be some weekend retreat guys!! Suchi's gone all out with this road trip idea. Loved the RV. Thanks dear, for including the pcis as well. Helps us in visualizing the scenes better, not that, your brilliant writing wasn't already doing that..

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nirjuu Senior Member
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Posted: 24 December 2010 at 11:33pm | IP Logged
Wow... Too good.... Smile

Plz continue

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shana_83Suchi-

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Posted: 24 December 2010 at 11:49pm | IP Logged

Scene 3

So where are we planning to go asked Sidharth, back at the Sood House's living room.

The air was filled with excitement. Even chanchal and jawahar were impressed with viren's idea may be for different reasons, but their enthusiasm was clearly visible.


Maine ek list banai hai agar thum kuch add ya subtract kerna chahthay ho kerlena


Ok, Pehlay hum jayengay, Tatapani


phir wahan sey , bilaspur,


 phir Dalhousie,


phir Chamba,


phir Manali


aur phir Spiti.


Niveditha started smiling at the very thought of all the places mentioned. It was her dream to travel around Himachal Pradesh and see some of the breath taking God's Creations on earth.


Teek hai na? asked viren


List tho bohot achi hai viren aur agar hum sahih tarah sey tayyari bhi karay thi I do not think ki koi problem aa sakthi hai. Kiyun ma ,sidharth asked Vandana.


Vakay main viren , jagah tho bohot achi chuni hai thumnay. Aur hum sabh tayyariyan ker lengay, she indicated pointed to Niveditha and Divya.


Ok perfect , tho aaj ka din hay aapkay paas prepare ker nay ke liye and kal subah ,  hum '. ON THE ROAD!!! Said viren with his hands up as if holding a steering wheel. Oh han drive main karunga , aur driver ki pas wali seat per niveditha baitegi? he called out as an over excited child cries out for a window seat on an airplane.


Niveditha looked away from him, avoiding eye contacts but vandana  quickly retorted


Han han Apni bewi ko apnay saath bita lena. Hum nahi rokangay thumhay. She laughed out the words.


Chalo nivi, divya packing bhi tho kerni hai urged vandana.


Nandu, she called out!


Ji choti bhabi replied nandu running towards her.


Thum bazaar jao aur, Juice, Soda, Chips packets, amm, microwavable popcorns, aur main ek list likh ker dethi hun , voh sabh le ker aana.


Viren, waise in sabh cheezon ke liye jagah tho hogi na, she called out to viren, who had obediently followed her into kitchen not wanting to be away from niveditha.


Han chachi , apnay tho dekhana ki kithni jagah hai, aur usmay cabinets bhi tho hain , so no problem.


Teek hai, nodded vandana and started writing a huge list of things that she felt they might need during the trip. Ye lo Nandu, ye sari cheezain le ker ana hai aur khabar dar koi bhi cheez reh gayi tho. She warned him


Nahi bhabi main sabh kuch sahih tarah sey leker aaunga, he replied.


Viren who was watching nandu came closer to him Nandu kiyun? lajwanti ko bhi le ker chalay trip per? he whispered


Sach bhaiyan retorted nandu with his eyes brightening with the very thought!


Abe chal! Viren teased him


Nandu thum gaye nahi abhi tak , said vandana with a raised voice.


With that nandu scrammed from the kitchen


Nivi aur divya thum dono jaker abhi viren aur sidharth kay kapray aur apnay kapray pack ker lo. Main bauji aur ma ki packing main madad karungi. Are han first aid box bhi tho lena hai, viren thum ja ker le aao please, main band aids likhna bhul gayi thi.


 

Viren who had gotten excited by the idea of niveditah packing his bag, alone with him in the room, looked stumped.


Tayiji main leker aatha hun na thori dair main he pleaded. Abhi main thak gaya hun, mujhe chai peeni hai he said with a stubborn attitude.


Thumnay abhi tho breakfast kiya tha na viren, asked Divya shrewdly, kahin bahana tho nahi bana rahe ho apni biwi kay saath time guzarnay ke liye?


 

Meri biwi hai, mujeh chorker kahan jayegi? He replied with a mocking attitude,

aap jayiye na, sidharth bhaiyyah ki packing main madad kijiye.

Waise tayiji, main aapko yaqeen sey keh saktha hun, wahan na sidharth bhaiiyah bhabi ki sariyan press kerkay  suitcases main laga rahe hongay' viren mocked divya and started laughing out loud .


Vi...viren!! Thum.. idhar aao.. wapis aao thum.. Divya started chasing viren who was now going around vandana , and then he ran behind nivi and held her shoulders as if shielding himself from Divya..


Divya who was still trying to get a piece of Viren in her hands, caught hold of nivi ,


Nivi hat na, she cried


Di.. rukho, nivi cried as she was closely held by viren and unable to move from his grasp.


Ye lo, viren shoved niveditha slowly onto divya's arms and ran out of the kitchen.


Dekha ma, ye phir shuru ho gaya , divya complained to vandana who was having a hearty laughing seeing her children having fun amongst each other.


 

Viren suddenly peeked into the kitchen and said,


Bhabi , bhaiya bula rahe hain, kahin sari tho nahi jala dee'

Oooo Ouch , retorted viren, missing narrowly from divya's grasp.


Thum tehro main aathi hun, said divyra running after viren,


 

Vandana and niveditha continued laughing ..


Vandana hit her forehead slightly with her hand and turned to niveditha


Nivi thum chai banaker le jao varna , voh do minute main wapis aaker koi aur natak shuru ker dega.. baap re baap!


 

NIvi flushed at her remark and started preparing tea'



Edited by Suchi-NivReniac - 24 December 2010 at 11:56pm

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NivRenDeewani Goldie
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Posted: 25 December 2010 at 12:03am | IP Logged

Again awsome and fun filled scene suchi!! i was grinning and laughing soo much reading scene 3. I loved divya and viren's little fight, it seemed so natural and funny and cute alsoEmbarrassed. Lolz u also included my nandu, and his lajwanti lolzLOL. that is so likely of viren to say that to nandu.

I could picture each moment reading your scene. I hope the CT are reading your story, this is an awsome weekend thanks SuchiHug love you. again Totally loved scene 3 and wating for more fun readingBig smile

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Posted: 25 December 2010 at 12:30am | IP Logged
Loved Viren and Divya's little noke jhokes. It's nice fun filled scene. At every scene you leave us asking for more. I am hooked. Waiting for cute Nivren packing scene next. Wink

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neetusidhu Goldie
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Posted: 25 December 2010 at 12:36am | IP Logged
wow suchitra....that was amazing...i totally love your retreats.......and would love to say to you as well as all other readers of the retreat..........have a merry christmas and a very prosperous new year......

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ashred12 IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 25 December 2010 at 1:07am | IP Logged
Beautiful yaar.. Sooo beautiful.. D kitchen scene was sooo funny.. N his reaction wen VD asked to bring bandaid.. I luv all ur retreats.. While no.4 was intense, dis is sooo cute n funny.. Pls continue soon..
in index sn3 is given as at pg3 but its in pg2..

Edited by ashred12 - 25 December 2010 at 1:09am

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sofina123 Newbie
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Posted: 25 December 2010 at 1:21am | IP Logged
That was so cute and funny!!! i luved it....please dnt stop thr..keep writing Big smile Your scenes are awsome! Its like sumthing u wud actually c on the show...

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