Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by carisma2
Originally posted by rehma35
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck!
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though.
Hey books like the twilight series and harry potter series are also meant for young adults and early teens.. theyre not at "point horror level" at all!.. they are great pieces and have been put together perfectly with accordance to the understanding of young adults.. lol there is no excuse for amateur literature unless u plan on writing for an 8 year old lol and if that was the case, this story is wayyy too inappropriate for them! lol as a writer, be sure not to underestimate your readers.. dont "dumb" your story down thinking they wont be able to comprehend it.. u have great vision.. just put it in better words :)
regardless.. that was just a suggestion.. i jjust wanted to clarify my reasoning behind it.. if u still choose to write the way you did.. its ur story ur choice! but yea since ur intent was keep it amateur lol ur right where u wana b