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Dosa's 1st FF.... Khabi na khabi - SEE P 24 (Page 6)

kriya_sruthi Senior Member
kriya_sruthi
kriya_sruthi

Joined: 03 May 2010
Posts: 833

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by kriya_sruthi

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by kriya_sruthi

good going didi... congrats... pls update soon.... Smile

Thankyou - sachi - did u like it?
yes very much didi... just like ur emotional athyachars n VMs... u are sooo talented... sorry nazar tho nayi lag raha hain... palke mein dua karthi hain ki aapke upar koi buri nazar na lage..Smile..
bt seriously didi continue... i loved the last part especially, its the reverse of the first MKAP promo na...???
Tthanks a lot sweetie, u're sooo king. lubbb ya. Okay i'll continue. heheheh u know me i love twists.
i do... i do...LOL... ur twists are the best.. some of them make me laugh till my stomach hurt... ur emotional athyachars especially brings a smile to my face always, make a dull day bright... i just love them... n ur twists... btw thank you for ur friend's request didi... i have accepted...Smile

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by kriya_sruthi

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by kriya_sruthi

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by kriya_sruthi

good going didi... congrats... pls update soon.... Smile

Thankyou - sachi - did u like it?
yes very much didi... just like ur emotional athyachars n VMs... u are sooo talented... sorry nazar tho nayi lag raha hain... palke mein dua karthi hain ki aapke upar koi buri nazar na lage..Smile..
bt seriously didi continue... i loved the last part especially, its the reverse of the first MKAP promo na...???
Tthanks a lot sweetie, u're sooo king. lubbb ya. Okay i'll continue. heheheh u know me i love twists.
i do... i do...LOL... ur twists are the best.. some of them make me laugh till my stomach hurt... ur emotional athyachars especially brings a smile to my face always, make a dull day bright... i just love them... n ur twists... btw thank you for ur friend's request didi... i have accepted...Smile

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2-bedrin

rehma35 Newbie
rehma35
rehma35

Joined: 21 December 2010
Posts: 14

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. Wink
Hey books like the twilight series and harry potter series are also meant for young adults and early teens.. theyre not at "point horror level" at all!.. they are great pieces and have been put together perfectly with accordance to the understanding of young adults.. lol there is no excuse for amateur literature unless u plan on writing for an 8 year old lol and if that was the case, this story is wayyy too inappropriate for them! lol as a writer, be sure not to underestimate your readers.. dont "dumb" your story down thinking they wont be able to comprehend it.. u have great vision.. just put it in better words :)
 
regardless.. that was just a suggestion.. i jjust wanted to clarify my reasoning behind it.. if u still choose to write the way you did.. its ur story ur choice! but yea since ur intent was keep it amateur lol ur right where u wana b
carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:43am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rehma35

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. Wink
Hey books like the twilight series and harry potter series are also meant for young adults and early teens.. theyre not at "point horror level" at all!.. they are great pieces and have been put together perfectly with accordance to the understanding of young adults.. lol there is no excuse for amateur literature unless u plan on writing for an 8 year old lol and if that was the case, this story is wayyy too inappropriate for them! lol as a writer, be sure not to underestimate your readers.. dont "dumb" your story down thinking they wont be able to comprehend it.. u have great vision.. just put it in better words :)
 
regardless.. that was just a suggestion.. i jjust wanted to clarify my reasoning behind it.. if u still choose to write the way you did.. its ur story ur choice! but yea since ur intent was keep it amateur lol ur right where u wana b
I am not here to show off my writting skills, If you want me to write at stephen Kings level then I can do. and yes I will write books for 8 year olds aswell. Like I said this was just intended to introduce the concept.I have other things that I do on the forum, so like I said it wasn't something I was sure about getting into. Besides I notice that you are very critical in all my posts that you attend. The level at which my ff was written wasn't at a 8 year old level love. The books that you are talking about are written at a different level altogether than the point books, trust me I have every single book in that brand.

Edited by carisma2 - 23 December 2010 at 7:10am

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2-bedrin

serialmaniac IF-Dazzler
serialmaniac
serialmaniac

Joined: 17 April 2010
Posts: 2663

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:48am | IP Logged
yr ff is the only one which potrays krish as the serail guy...a uneducated one (i noticed the allahabadi accentLOL).....lagi raho....keep on writing

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:56am | IP Logged
Originally posted by serialmaniac

yr ff is the only one which potrays krish as the serail guy...a uneducated one (i noticed the allahabadi accentLOL).....lagi raho....keep on writing
Thanks yaar - I cannot imagine Krish any other way - You know me I like doing things differently. Big smile- buh i'll give him some form of education. hehee.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2-bedrin

rehma35 Newbie
rehma35
rehma35

Joined: 21 December 2010
Posts: 14

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 7:12am | IP Logged
Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. Wink
Hey books like the twilight series and harry potter series are also meant for young adults and early teens.. theyre not at "point horror level" at all!.. they are great pieces and have been put together perfectly with accordance to the understanding of young adults.. lol there is no excuse for amateur literature unless u plan on writing for an 8 year old lol and if that was the case, this story is wayyy too inappropriate for them! lol as a writer, be sure not to underestimate your readers.. dont "dumb" your story down thinking they wont be able to comprehend it.. u have great vision.. just put it in better words :)
 
regardless.. that was just a suggestion.. i jjust wanted to clarify my reasoning behind it.. if u still choose to write the way you did.. its ur story ur choice! but yea since ur intent was keep it amateur lol ur right where u wana b
I am not here to show off my writting skills, If you want me to write at stephan Kings level then I can do. and yes I will write books for 8 year olds aswell. Like I said this was just intended to introduce the concept.I have other things that I do on the forum, so like I said it wasn't something I was sure about getting into. Besides I notice that you are very critical in all my posts that you attend. The level at which my ff was written wasn't at a 8 year old level love. The books that you are talking about are written at a different level altogether than the point books, trust me I have every single book in that brand.
u shouldnt take it so personally.. like i sed.. i was just telling u my reason behind the suggestions thats all!.. i have nothing against u.. i dont even know u!.. if ur gona post something online for hundreds of people to see while ASKING them to comment "whether you like it or not" then you shoudl be ready to hear different opinions as well.. i didnt mean to attack your posts in any way.. i have wrtten comments on many posts other than urs.. and they have all taken it very constructively..  im sorry if u were offended in anyway.. i wont comment on urs from now on if that makes u feel n e better..
carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 7:19am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rehma35

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by rehma35

hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. Wink
Hey books like the twilight series and harry potter series are also meant for young adults and early teens.. theyre not at "point horror level" at all!.. they are great pieces and have been put together perfectly with accordance to the understanding of young adults.. lol there is no excuse for amateur literature unless u plan on writing for an 8 year old lol and if that was the case, this story is wayyy too inappropriate for them! lol as a writer, be sure not to underestimate your readers.. dont "dumb" your story down thinking they wont be able to comprehend it.. u have great vision.. just put it in better words :)
 
regardless.. that was just a suggestion.. i jjust wanted to clarify my reasoning behind it.. if u still choose to write the way you did.. its ur story ur choice! but yea since ur intent was keep it amateur lol ur right where u wana b
I am not here to show off my writting skills, If you want me to write at stephan Kings level then I can do. and yes I will write books for 8 year olds aswell. Like I said this was just intended to introduce the concept.I have other things that I do on the forum, so like I said it wasn't something I was sure about getting into. Besides I notice that you are very critical in all my posts that you attend. The level at which my ff was written wasn't at a 8 year old level love. The books that you are talking about are written at a different level altogether than the point books, trust me I have every single book in that brand.
u shouldnt take it so personally.. like i sed.. i was just telling u my reason behind the suggestions thats all!.. i have nothing against u.. i dont even know u!.. if ur gona post something online for hundreds of people to see while ASKING them to comment "whether you like it or not" then you shoudl be ready to hear different opinions as well.. i didnt mean to attack your posts in any way.. i have wrtten comments on many posts other than urs.. and they have all taken it very constructively..  im sorry if u were offended in anyway.. i wont comment on urs from now on if that makes u feel n e better..
whether u comment on mine or don't that's a personal choice. Thanks for explaining that you were not intending personal attacks. I took your feed back constructively - and Like i said that it was intentional - my aim was more on getting an insight regarding the concept accross - whether readers approved of the role reversal storyline. If you see my work - You'll understand my posts and work better. I wasn't concentrating in describing the characters in the first instance - that will come later. Why Pratz was facinated with the kneeling character will be revealed later aswell. As  you can see Pratigya is not yet been described either. Come to my emotional athyachar threads -You'll understand me better.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

carisma2-bedrin

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