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Dosa's 1st FF.... Khabi na khabi - SEE P 24 (Page 5)

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:39am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sknra

Hey carisma congrats yaaHugrClapClapClap , wonderful , i just love itClapClapClapSmileSmileSmile,Hug especially at the last ki naam tu poochna paray ga.....Wink..pls pls continue soon, eagerly waiting for next part....EmbarrassedEmbarrassed.n thank u so much for the pm...... Embarrassed
U're welcome dear, and Thankyou so much for your message - it's sooooo touching. All u my lubbly sisters have really shown me great support - It's soooo kind.

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carisma2-bedrin

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:41am | IP Logged
Originally posted by surbhisachwani

oye hoyee dii .......pehle EA then vms andd noww ff ......it is a super duper ff ..i liked the last twist when pratigya says iska naam toh pochna padega ............i like ur twist and turns
good goingg sis....i lubbed that u wrote krishna's accent as the serial ...........
plss contuinuee and update soon and make it a longg ff with lots of krishna's scenes and kriya lubb storyyyy
Thankks a lot surbhi, I just can't imagine Krishna without his usual lyrics. The show has that charm - of the allahabad dilect - that I just can never leave out. Glad you liked. it.

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carisma2-bedrinabcd2

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Arine_123

It's lovely carisma sis  Star. So the story is kinda ulta here. Wink 

Lets see how P finds out his name!! Tongue  Continue soon. Big smile
Thank you, so much. Lets see what P has to go thru to get her man.

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carisma2-bedrin

rehma35 Newbie
rehma35
rehma35

Joined: 21 December 2010
Posts: 14

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:42am | IP Logged
hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 

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carisma2

abcd2 IF-Dazzler
abcd2
abcd2

Joined: 29 July 2010
Posts: 4384

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:43am | IP Logged
Originally posted by carisma2

Originally posted by surbhisachwani

oye hoyee dii .......pehle EA then vms andd noww ff ......it is a super duper ff ..i liked the last twist when pratigya says iska naam toh pochna padega ............i like ur twist and turns
good goingg sis....i lubbed that u wrote krishna's accent as the serial ...........
plss contuinuee and update soon and make it a longg ff with lots of krishna's scenes and kriya lubb storyyyy
Thankks a lot surbhi, I just can't imagine Krishna without his usual lyrics. The show has that charm - of the allahabad dilect - that I just can never leave out. Glad you liked. it.
yeahhhh krishna is incomplete without his awsume one liners in his accent ,his cute english words and the show is incomplete withoutt my krishnaEmbarrassed Tongue

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carisma2

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 4:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rehma35

hey carisma,
 
K this is what i think. concept is great u did an awesome job portraying an image for the readers.
 
i dont know how long it took u to write this though.. the quality of the text is a little amateur. think of better ways to introduce the characters indirectly..
for example.. rather than introducing rolly the way u did, u could have written:
"pratigya meets her soon- to-be bhabi at her doorstep"
that allows us to understand her relationship with rolly without u spelling it out to us word for word :)
 
lol and the idea of her being fascinated with a randomn strangers kneeling structure is not too realistic.. how about his charming way of presenting himself? his clothes.. his bike.. or if he had his helmet off.. hands down his amazing good looks! :D
 
im looking forward to your next post! hope this helped.. good luck! 
 
 
Thankyou, and thanks for the feedback. I agree the text was amateur as it was intended. I wanted to hold the practise - As the literature I want to write in future will be more for young adults, early age teenagers, Point horror level. It didn't take me long to write this - abt half an hour max. I wasn't sure if it will go well or not - so just wanted to introduce the concept... Buh yes I agree with your comments. It was intended though. Wink

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carisma2-bedrin

itsokaysammy IF-Stunnerz
itsokaysammy
itsokaysammy

Joined: 11 July 2008
Posts: 26097

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:04am | IP Logged
congo hun....nice FF,,,,Clap

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carisma2

carisma2 IF-Stunnerz
carisma2
carisma2

Joined: 25 January 2007
Posts: 29803

Posted: 23 December 2010 at 5:09am | IP Logged
Originally posted by akki-rockstar

congo hun....nice FF,,,,Clap
Thanks a lot yaar. Star

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carisma2-bedrin

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