Posted: 09 January 2011 at 11:27pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ka7eela
Originally posted by lighteningbuzz
Originally posted by ka7eela
@ green, i loved that! good boys shine like diamond in all that dirt!
@maroon, i think arrange marriages are not like they were before say 40 years ago people are now aware that a couple needs to click and know each other a bit before tying the knot
but you are right most people don't reveal their true nature before marriage, people show their true colors after it!
btw some men are like DR. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde! , i heard many stories regarding this, that there are actually men who look so sweet and kind among others, but they are so abusive and monstrous with their wives! its like they have multiple personality disorder!
i feel a marriage will only work when people are true to themselves and try to work hard to make it work!..and of course love, respect, understanding and compromising should be apart of it too
@lime green..hahahaha, i think it might! you dont belive it we have here some woman who put veil and still there are preverts who follow them because maybe they like thier eyes
@ red i see!, but in India its ok for a girls family to propose, isnt it? and i thought you were an American Indian ..correct me if i am wrong
of couser the guys should make the first move, but nowadays there are many besharam girls who literally run after guys too!, i have seen many give their numbers to guys!..but i was talking about marriage proposals ...
@black you are right as long as you are not doing anything wrong why do you care what others say!, and i am glad you have an understanding family, mine are same, they dont force me to do anything, and they trust me although my mom is a little over protective , like if i am out she would call to check upon me especially at nights when i am out with friends cause i drive alone,
about your cousins i hate relatives who poke their noses in other peoples business! imposing their own outdated ideas!..
they actually said that she wasn't a good girl just because she married out of love! WOW! you know i think its the same here but only in the suburbans and villages
but not cities,all of my uncles have married love marriages, and the eldest married like 26 years ago! and many of my aunties married out of love too, and their cousins too
i never heard anyone saying anything bad about them, moreover my grandparents blessed their marriages..btw i have 2 great aunts and many of my grand parents cousins who were married out of love like more then 40-50 years ago too but they faced some trouble!
@ brown, hehehe! Abhay is just perfect hope we get guys like him, btw my Abhay is younger then shows Abhay! he is half the age of the shows Abhay! in the show he is more then 300 years old!
@ Turquoise, OMG!! you actually burst out at him you go girl!! you rock, i can so imagine the perverts face
he so deserved it! what a freak!, guys like him have no shame!!
i usually try to ignore but i guess if it was me in your place especially if its a colleague then i might have done the same
oh well these are the kind of boys that usually we come across
oh Abhay where art thou Abhay! LOL
@Navy blue: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.....I know! It's scary just thinking about it. I agree with you and I know some women are also, stupid enough to marry a Mr. Hyde thinking she will turn him into Dr. Jekyll but, in reality Mr. Hyde is the one that eventually conquers.
@bold: Yeah, I was born in India but, brought up in U.S. but, still my parents have tried to keep us in touch with our cultural values and roots. Maybe in India, it is common now but, I wouldn't know becuz, I have only been to India twice in my life.....the last time I went was in '95.......I know it has changed significantly since. But, I just know from what my parents and grandparents tell me and from what I have seen as a child even in movies, its usually the guy that comes to see the girl.
@orange: Wow, that is amazing to see, becuz, in my family majority had an arrange marriages while some had love marriages.
Many of my relatives in spite of living in the U.S. have clinged to those old-fashioned beliefs instead of advancing with time. Many of my relatives haven't been to India for a long time but, they still think that India is the same as they left behind. This year, one of my cuzin went for her sister's wedding and came back surprised as she told me, "India has changed......it is extremely modernized now."
I know many of my aunts and uncles who have been living here for the past 20-30 years of their life but, still have never accepted the American culture. I mean if you see a guy and girl kissing in public, my aunts would be looking and gasping, "OMG, look what they are doing in public." Probably becuz, they don't go out much. Most of them are either working endless hours at work they don't have time for even their own family and there are some who are stay at home wives who just sit at home and watch saas-bahu serials...........so, with lifestyle like that you don't know what's going on there in the world. But, for me I gone to school here so, I am used to it but, they are not.
Becuz, they don't want to change, they want to hold on to what they were taught as child forever. I know some families are more open-minded and some are not. I am just glad my family isn't one of those extremely, strict, old-fashioned types.
@Yeah, Where art thou Abhay! LOL
@ navy blue, true in some cases but there are men who actually change after marriage but thats a huge risk a girls take! its her and her luck!.
@ bold i see, but yeah i know its the boys who goes and sees the girl first!, what i meant that a girls family can propose too, like someone from the girls side start talking to the boys family about the rishta and then they can come and see the girl! like Vivaah movie na!
@ orange we too have many arrange marriages, my parents was arrange marriage come intense love and how,
you see my dad saw my mom like twice in a mall 20 years ago! and instantly it was love from his side, and then he didn't know who she was so he looked for her but at the time my mom was studying abroad but he kept on searching till he found out and then he discovered they have some common family freind and voilla he proposed to her, my mom wasn't keen as she was still young and studying , but destiny has its own works, somehow she agreed seeing him in the common friends house, after she met him and talked to him they clicked instantly and got engaged and after two years they got married! and touchwood mashaAllah ,even after 20 years they are so much in love
traditions are not that bad sometimes! as they keep your true essence and values! however when they are causing conflicts like in marriages then they should be changed, i too blush when i see couple kissing each other even in movies i look down or away! and by kissing i mean that deep one and not the normal one as i can watch that( dont judge me by my bold writings regrading this)
Wow, your parents love story is touching........I am amazed by your dad that he was so determined to find her and he finally did
not like other guys who see a girl and just forget about her afterwards.........like how guys are nowadays. But, they were meant to meet and they did!
Btw, it seems like your parents story is more of a love story at least from your dad's side.
And *touchwood* they remain like this happy and in love always.
My parents marriage was strictly arranged......lol. They did not know each other before marriage but, did get a chance to see and talk to each other before marriage. My parents told me that they were attracted to each other in their initial meeting and they had only a brief conversation before they said yes. Their love story started after their marriage. My mom tells me that it was very exciting becuz, they took their time to get to know each other and even though they were married, it was like teenagers talking with each other and falling in love, going to movies without the fear of their parents becuz, they were married and could chat and be with each other all the time. And I remember they told me that there were times when they couldn't wait to be off from their work so, that they can get home and see each other at home.....plan what they were going to do that day.......lol.
Their marriage is not only a inspiration to me but, to all my relatives, cousins and friends. They have such a deep understanding and love that I can't even describe it. *touchwood* I always pray that if I have a relationship with my husband it should be exactly like my parents. What's even more stranger is that they didn't even know each other prior to their marriage but, they got exactly what they wanted in each other, my mom wanted someone who doesn't drink, smoke, and is very sincere, and honest........and my dad has all the qualities she wanted. My dad wanted someone beautiful, understanding, caring, and intelligent, and he got just that!
I think its all part of one's luck. Becuz, I know one of my uncle who had an arrange marriage done a year later after my parents.' And his wife uses very foul language and is very demanding.......he is like a henpecked husband so, scared of her........lol (I know its mean that I am laughing.......but, its true you should see the way he calls her every minute everywhere he goes) If you ask him anything, he goes, "let me ask her first!"
And if tell him, "uncle, look she's right behind you........he'll panick with his face all red.......OMG!"
Though my own parents had arrange marriage...........I always tell them that they are just too lucky and in today's era its hard to get that. Times have changed, and I realize that its more important to know someone prior to marriage becuz, I have seen far too many worse cases of arrange marriages these days through my cuzins and friends becuz, people are getting more westernized and losing faith in the institution of marriage and have more independence and freedom to do whatever they want. Like you I respect values, traditions and I would want someone who share the same values as me.
I know many Indian guys will talk to me with respect knowing that I am a girl too smart for them and they will be all sweet and everything......their parents will shower them with praises exclaiming, "my son is a gem, there's no one like him!" And behind their parents' backs these same boys are drinking, sleeping around with so many women, and even doing drugs.
And about kissing, its okay. I am the same as you. Though, I've gotten more used to the kissing in public by seeing it all the time in high school and college and even here in, UK but, still I don't stare like my aunts do......lol like you I just look away or down becuz, its just uncomfortable for me to see another person's private moment even if they are doing it in public cuz, its like why would I want to see another person make out? It's different when seeing it on tv or movies but, its hella awkward when seeing someone in person make out in front of you.........lol
But, I admit even I do blush when watching it on tv or movies..........I guess its cuz, we understand its value more than people who think its just not a big deal and just some random kiss.
Edited by lighteningbuzz - 09 January 2011 at 11:35pm