Posted: 07 January 2011 at 10:58pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ka7eela
Originally posted by lighteningbuzz
Originally posted by ka7eela
Originally posted by lighteningbuzz3rd Update:
I loved what Abhay said about how he doesn't want to force her into doing anything just for the sake that they're married. That shows what a gentleman he is and how his feeling for her are genuine.Even in real life, I don't know how many men would actually do that? I had a cousin who loved someone else but, her parents didn't approve and got her marriage arranged with someone else. I remember I was in 9th grade at the time and she was way older than me but, I was very close to her. She never told me this at the time becuz, I was young but, later she shared with me when I was a little older in my first year of college that he had actually forced her on their first wedding night even though he knew that she wasn't comfortable and wasn't ready but, he didn't care as he stated that it was his right as a husband. She was extremely tearful and bitter about it becuz, even though he is her husband he still forced her against her will and didn't consider her feelings. They have one son now but, still, she once expressed to me that she doesn't feel that much sense of respect towards her husband to this day probably becuz, he never gave any respect to her own feelings or ever tried to understand what she wanted.
Sometimes, I wonder who is right or wrong in this situation?
I don't know how people in arrange marriages manage these situation where you consummate your marriage with someone you don't even know a thing about and most importantly you don't even love. And to make matters worse, I think its even more difficult to love someone else but, yet you are forced to consummate your marriage with someone else against your will.
I have seen many Indian women who go through the same situation where they don't have any choice or any right to say anything after marriage becuz, its the husband's decision and its his right to whatever he wants. I remember at a wedding sangeet, these indian women were teasing the to-be bride about how you just have to do what your husband says becuz, he is your husband and thats his right there's nothing you can do about it
This is why I loved the character of Sid in DMG in the initial stage becuz, he never forced himself on Riddhima
. And the character of Abhay makes me just fall in love with him and I don't blame Piya for being heads over heels in love with him...as he is just the perfect guy.
Sometimes I wonder do such guys actually exist in today's era??
At the same time my heart went out for Piya too as she deeply loves him and has accepted him as her husband with her heart and soul so, it was disappointing to see that she wanted them to be closer while he didn't. Any woman in her place would've felt rejected and disappointed like her. I can't wait to see the part when they can reveal their true feelings to each other.
@ red this is how a true gentleman should behave, whether its love or arrange marriage! it doesnt matter!
i believe a man forcing himself even on his rightful wife is not a man at all!, its like he has legally raped her! he is just a big EWWWW!
about you cousin its really sad and it breaks my heart that even after all theses years she didn't get over it! and can you blame her! i mean most of us girls dream of this special day and comes a jerk who behaves like an animal and ruin it all, its just heartbreaking and is very horrible!
your cousin at least coped with the situation better then a lady who is a relative of mine, she got married 20 years ago and his husband although being very well educated and all, literary raped her like a true villain shutting of her mouth and all!, after few months she got divorced of him by a law order as he wasn't willing to divorce her! and till day she didn't get married again!
@bold thats really sad!..what kind of mentality is that? seriously ! hell they do!, what about the woman doesn't she has feelings! or maybe they consider her insignificant!
i am sure there are plenty guys like him, who are so caring and loving hopfully we get our hands on them soon too
@purple, you got it perfectly, yes she already accepted him and she is confused and hurt now of why he is rejecting her !
well you have to wait and read to find out how it will work out
thank you so much for your wonderful reply, they always manage to work like brain teasers, and open doors for some one on one discussions
@Purple: I agree, just becuz, he is her husband doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants, I mean they have a whole lifetime together to share with, he could've at least given her sometime to develop feelings for him and when they become more closer.
And I completely, agree with you that for many girls, they have big dreams for this special night and they want to be with someone they love.I think there's no passion in it if there's no genuine love.
@Orange: I felt disgusted about what happened to your relative. God! That is just horrifying. Even if its a husband forcing his wife, I still consider that rape becuz, I don't care if they are lawfully wedded, forcing is still rape. I don't blame her for divorcing the him becuz, you lose that sense of respect for your husband becuz, you can't ever develop any feeling for him. The guy practically destroyed her life with that bitter experience which is probably why she didn't or couldn't marry again. I don't know if my cuzin's decision to stay in her marriage was wise decision or not, but,
my personal opinion, I think its very hard to continue your relationship with someone you have no respect or love for.
@You got that right! I know many societies have this mentality. This is probably one reason why I hate going to my family functions becuz, I have all these aunties and some random ladies grabbing me and exclaiming, "OMG, you are so pretty.......you were this little when I saw you and now look at you all grown up" and blah blah blah.......the usual cliched lines. When this conversation starts, I know where the heck they are getting at........and BOOM! There it goes that famous line to my mom which goes, "Have you started searching a boy for her, you should get her married. AHHHHHHHHHHHHhh
I mean the fact if a girl is unmarried and grown, the only thing that goes on in their mind is MARRIAGE, and they treat a girl like she is a property meant to be with a guy which you are just dying to sell as fast as you can and if they don't then the market value might go down! LOL
I mean what if she isn't ready, what is she has career plans, what if she wants to find one herself..........oops, that might just give them a heart attack!
@Green: I liked Sid in the initial days.......before Armaan's entry, how he didn't force himself on her, in his wedding night, But, after a while I do agree his character got to nonsense and dumb. Even though, his wife was standing there in front of him in a lingerie waiting for him to seduce her, the dumb idiot goes, "its okay you still need time!" LOL I mean I remember her saying to him that she did it out of her own will, it wasn't like he was forcing her and he still always thought that she needed time even after 7 whole months and marrying the same woman twice out of her own will again! And then when she got with her ex in the end, he give her thumbs up sign!
And ofcourse, I meant the Abhay in your one-shots He is more romantic and friendlier than the one in the serial.
@Red: Yeah, I know there must be guys like them and I definitely do hope that we both get our dream guys. Its just the guys I have seen are just so weird! Like for instance if I go to any parties and there are indian guys there. They stand there are and just stare at you.........(No not the "affectionate or dreamy" stare heroes do in shows/movies) these guys will stare at you hungrily like they have never seen a girl as if they have an x-ray vision. It gives you this urge to just want to smack them like hell! Becuz, you know they are perverts inside!
@bold, 100% agree!, he is her husband not owner! why cant he wait! ok if he is so into it and cant wait! then he should seduce her gently and not force hims self like an animal, wait even animals seduce their partners before mating!
@pink true! there is no passion when there is no genuine love, at least from a girls BOV ! as i heard that most boys can do it with anyone
@orange, it is juts plain disgusting, and you wont believe this but in my family and most of the families where i come from there is a period of time before getting married like engagement, even if it was an arranged marriage! so the boy and girl have a chance get to know each other well before tying the knot, and this woman had that chance too!, but hell! no one knows how a man behaves after marriage!
@purple , again agree! but some girls are too week they care about what their families and society will say in case they leave their husbands so they end up living their whole lives in loveless marriage with a monstrous selfish man
@navy blue.. i can understand your situation perfectly!, its every pretty girls dilemma, especailly if she is from well known family, here a tip, the next time you go put a veil..jk
btw its same here, ,but in our society its the other way around as a girls family cant propose! only boys families and the boys have the right to do that, so basically when i am in a party or wedding or even out i get proposes form either the moms who talk to my mom, or boys themselves who approach me some times or follow around too! its scary ! some look genuine and some like they just want to play but i just ignore!
i feel i have the right to fall in love, and it still didn't happen so!, i know when i find the right guy someone i will, as love just happens beside i am still studying so whats the rush!!
families who dont respect their own daughters wishes and treat them as properties,end up destroying their lives ! and thats really sad!
@green, totally agree! Sid was good in initial days then they gradually destroyed his character along with Rids, both were unrealistic, and become pathetic and totally lame in the end..about the lingerie incident and the thumps up in the end all i can say that there is a special name for men who behave in this manner! but i am not going to say it
aww you love Abhay of my story, and you will love him even more in the upcoming update!
God! although he is a fictional character but i want a guy like him ..he doesn't have to be a vampire or have his super powers though
@red i hope so sweetheart i hope so
x ray visions sometimes they literally drool too dont let me start on the staring prevert creepsthey just give me the chill! seriously!
@Green: Agree, thats why good guys who are not like that, stand out like shining diamonds in all that dirt in the world.
@Maroon: It's the same way over here too. I remember many of my cuzins and indian friends who got married got a chance to talk with each other, hang out at cafes to get to know each other before saying yes. I still think there are chances of either girl or guy acting nice before marriage trying to sound appealing and then after marriage they might turn into something else in to their "real" self. I have seen this backfire on many but, at the same time I've seen it work for others.
@Lime Green: That is very good idea. I won't mind wearing a veil,
I think it helps a lot in many situations such as when you want to avoid pervert guys staring at you.
@Red: That's how its supposed to work. The guy or the guy's family proposes to the girl's family until I saw my girl cuzin's family going to guy's family house for the proposal.......then I was like "I guess there aren't any rules nowadays." LOL, but it just sounds weird having a girl's family propose to a guy......it just doesn't sound conventional. It's always been the guy making the first move.
@Black bold: Yes, I totally agree with you!!!! I also, feel that I have the right to find the right guy for myself at the right time and fall in love with him and marry him. That's why I get annoyed when my relatives talk about my marriage or bring proposals to me becuz, I feel like they are treating me like I am some type of property . Thank God, my own family is not like that at all. My mom have this sense of trust in me and she knows that if I find someone, he would be the right guy becuz, she knows what type of traits I admire in a guy, which she approves of too. My brother and dad on the other hand are more protective but, then brothers/dads are like that.
My own family is more modernized they are not against the idea of love marriage and are more open-minded as long as you know your limits like keeping your chastity before marriage and not letting anyone take advantage of you. But, its just some of my relatives are way too old-fashioned. And when I mean old-fashioned, I mean it in a way like for instance, a friend of mine had a love marriage, and I remember my aunt, exclaiming, "Oh! I thought she was a good girl!" And this friend of mine did not sleep with her husband before marriage but, the fact that she went out and found a guy by herself, makes her sound like not a good girl in their eyes. But, I don't care, as I believe others aren't going to live my life for me and nor do I have any intention to impress my relatives. As long as my own family supports me and I know I am right then who cares what the world thinks.
@Sky blue: I think I know what it is.....
@brown: You spoke my mind. Abhay has exactly all the personality traits I want in a guy. He is a dignified man, he believes in waiting for the right person and being loyal to the one girl he truly loves. He is protective, supportive, loving, passionate, caring, extremely romantic, and a guy with a self-respect. He is someone I would definitely respect and fall for, in my eyes he is just perfect. In your updates, I think Abhay is more appealing than the one in the serials. Becuz, the CVs can at times play around with Abhay's character in the serial for the sake of TRPs but, in your updates the characters and story remains true to its roots. Moreover, I feel that the Abhay in your one-shots, acts more like a college boy and is more easy to understand.
@Turquoise: Tell me about it! I get very angry when I see a guy staring at me in the wrong manner becuz, sometimes its so obvious you can tell. I once, got extremely mad at this guy who was a classmate and the professor had paired everyone with partners to work on an assignment. And this pervert the guy, the whole time I was talking to him, he would stare at my chest.........And I wasn't even wearing any revealing clothes! I had on a turtle-neck sweater and a jeans. So, you can tell that I wasn't showing any cleavage at all and inspite of this the idiot kept staring either at my chest, neck, or legs as if trying to have an x-ray vision. It was very uncomfortable and disgusting in the manner he was staring at me, like how a rapist stares at his victim.
I kept ignoring it and tried to divert his attention to the assignment but, then I lost my control and yelled at him, "What the hell are you keep staring at me for you idiot! This is it, I can't work with you. You are a pervert that sees only one thing in a woman!" I just blurt it out without thinking twice. He was shocked and embarassed at the same time becuz, he knew just what I was talking about. But, he couldn't say a word becuz, I guess no one had ever talked to him like that and he certainly didn't expect me to say something like that.
To be honest, I didn't expect myself to just blurt it out, but he just made me extremely mad at the time that I couldn't control my anger.
I remember I went up to the professor afterwards and requested that I didn't feel comfortable working with him. And from that day on everytime he would pass by me in the hallway, he would look the other way or down at the floor to avoid looking at me in fear I might burst out on him again.
My friends couldn't believe that I actually blurt it out so openly right across his face...........as the guy must've been so embarassed out of his mind. But, I feel I did the right thing becuz, he should know his manners and how to respect women!
Edited by lighteningbuzz - 07 January 2011 at 11:14pm