shreela Goldie

Joined: 24 December 2009
Posts: 1509

Posted: 20 December 2010 at 7:47am | IP Logged
It's sweet, I must say, but I didn't find any 'story' in it at all. a story should contain a proper plot. two CID cops, espacially Daya and Abhijeet can't behave so childish yaar! moreover, they r not so emotional people. there should be a proper reason for behaving like this. but still, your story is very cute, nice to read.

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Shagnika IF-Rockerz

Joined: 02 February 2010
Posts: 7856

Posted: 20 December 2010 at 11:14am | IP Logged
First of all, Thanks a lot for mentioning my name in your post...and please dont call me "ma'm"... !!!! I am just 18 yrs old...LOL.... and secondly, i am not a great writer to be an inspiration for others, Visrom, Chinnu, they are the ones to take inspiration from...Smile..

I am glad another newcomer joining the story writer gang of IF. Trying is the best way to learn.... Smile

now coming to the story. I agree with Fahmi and Mitali.... The story seemed to be very much unlike CID as the crime part was absolutely sidelined. The attacks and all were just ignored and the emotions were all that were shown. The emotiones were very well portrayed but very Over the top most of the times...and watching CID for so many years makes me feel that the characters would never behave so childish... But some lines were really very touching and cute. Embarrassed

You seem to have a good writing style. If you can manage some crime story and get these emotional sides added in between, that would be very praiseworthy. I am expecting such a story from you..Big smileBest of luck !!!Thumbs Up

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mallikaBalu IF-Dazzler

Joined: 02 December 2009
Posts: 3849

Posted: 20 December 2010 at 11:25am | IP Logged
Nice try. But some parts confused me. I felt something like sinister plot was missing. Still all the best.

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gadhadada IF-Addictz

Joined: 27 August 2010
Posts: 74927

Posted: 21 December 2010 at 4:20am | IP Logged
hi to all...

wowwwwwwwww.... wat a pleasent surprise....
i dont have WORDS.... how to THANK all of YOU people....
specially notepad697, dr.fahmi, aadrika01, tanniSDaya
star571, m_kal2011, nimi697, shreela, sagnika, mallikaBalu
and all those who only READ my story but did not give their
precious FEEDBACK....
i have WRITING SKILLS... i think we all have... cz we do this
from our BACHPAN.... exams.... school... college... universities...
so WRINTING is NO BIG DEAL.... but STORY WRITING.... buhat bara kaam...Wink
i m really a BEGINNER in this kind of WRITING... cz i fist join any
kind of FORUM... even earlier i dont know wat is forum or blogs....
i jus open my mail account... and jus chk my meals.... ohhhhh... i
mean mails.... heheheWinkTongue
so.... its a big task for me.... in WRITE A SCENE CONTEST... where my SCENE got  2ND RUNNER UP... its really boost me... to write something in DIALOUGE FORMAT..
now... first according to my own words...
CRITICISM will entertain on prior basis....
dr.fahmi Sir, Sagnika jee (cz she does not like MAA'M)
and all others.....
ya guys... i knew my story have no STORY!!!! hahahahLOL
i mean it have no PROPER case.... no DETECTION...
even no hand and foot... RIGHT....
basically few weeks back... i wanted to make a SIGGIE for DAYA Sir
BIRTHDAY CONTEST.... and for that i ask in ASK ME THREAD that could any
one have a PIC of DAYA Sir n ABHI Sir hugged each other...
obviously responce came in negitive....
that click something in my mind.... may be ABHI Sir does not like!!!
or may be DAYA Sir did not do this act earlier....
just to use this click into double click....
i wrote that story... which only highlight this point....

abot CHILDISH BEHAVIOUR.... hmmmmmmm.... Smile
yaar we all also did that CHILDISH BEHAVIOUR in last month
at DAYA KI SHADI.... hahaha.... LOL  remember all those post
all comments.... i think sometime CHIDISH BEHAVIOUR bhi chal hee
jata hay...

related to my WRITING SKILLS.... first my HINDI is really weak...
and ENGLISH too..... hehehehe....Big smile

but i feel... everyone like SOMETHING.... some people like
the conversation b/w DAYA n ABHI.... some like HOSPITAL
SCENE.... some like the LAST LINE and some like that AWESOME SMILE.... so after ADDING all these TINY LIKES... i feel... kuch acha ho
he gaya... MUJH say..... hAIN NA!!!!!!!Thumbs Up

lastly.... after reading all ur SUGGESTIONS... i have a new story which is at WIND UP stage... i dunt want to change its mood... so could u think i'll post it... i m puzzled guys...Question
plz help me....
ya i missed one name (thanks to SAGNIKA jee post) VISROM MAA'M.... i'll wait for two MASTER MIND comments... CHINNU MAA'M and VISROM MAA'M... but!!!!!!!!!!Unhappy

again i m very THANKFUL to all people who extract some precious time from their busy skedule...
and yes if i hurt anyones intentions.... delibrately/undelibrately.... i say EXTREMELY SORRY to all of them....

tons of THANKS with profound REGARDS...

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Bhavanab IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 31 March 2009
Posts: 24043

Posted: 21 December 2010 at 4:45am | IP Logged
Gadhadada !!! Very nice to know that you're too interested in writing stories !!! A new addition to our writers gang !!! Well I'm yet to read your story !! Will provide detailed review then !!!
Can I give you a suggestion ?? Just add My story to your title !!! otherwise I thought it was another common topic and was skipping it !!!

Well I'll definitely read it !! and by the way do participate in story contest 3 this time !!!!

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m_kal2011 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 25 June 2010
Posts: 10827

Posted: 21 December 2010 at 6:31am | IP Logged
Originally posted by gadhadada

now... first according to my own words...
CRITICISM will entertain on prior basis....
dr.fahmi Sir, Sagnika jee (cz she does not like MAA'M)
and all others.....

better say dr. fahmi ma'm.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:


Mayapapaya Groupbie

Joined: 25 April 2010
Posts: 120

Posted: 21 December 2010 at 7:38am | IP Logged
dr.fahmi Goldie

Joined: 15 July 2009
Posts: 1479

Posted: 21 December 2010 at 7:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by m_kal2011

Originally posted by gadhadada

now... first according to my own words...
CRITICISM will entertain on prior basis....
dr.fahmi Sir, Sagnika jee (cz she does not like MAA'M)
and all others.....

better say dr. fahmi ma'm.

ehmm hmm...ROFLROFL 

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