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FRIENDSHIP MARK!!!

gadhadada Coolbie
gadhadada
gadhadada

Joined: 27 August 2010
Posts: 74530

Posted: 18 December 2010 at 1:05pm | IP Logged
my STORY is based on DAYA-ABHI LOVELY FRIENDSHIP.... in this story... i dont
try to write something about the case... lots of loopholes... mistakes...
spelling/tenses... loose elaboration...bad script.... all are there....
coz i m a beginner.... on this forum... who got such great STORY writers,
like CHINNU MAA'M, SAGNIKA MAA'M and others... so if u read it... i'll be
really THANKFUL AND IF NOT... XTRA THANKFUL...Wink
always welcome YOUR'S precious FEED BACK... CRITICISM will entertain on prior basis...


                   FRIENDSHIP MARK

The morning was pleasent..... DAYA started his quallis and
move on his way to the bearue..... he feels good but at the
moment, suddenly he got a call in his cell....
DAYA: haan SACHIN..... bolo
SACHIN: Sir, ABHIJEET Sir ko kisi nay bearue mei goli maar
        di hay....
DAYA: kiya.... and without any intention, his feet pressed the break
      so tightly and he lost his grip on his cell.... his cell
      fell down inside the car, after a moment, he just move fastly
      on the way to bearue.... he quit some stairs and move with his
      maximum speed enter inside the bearue.... he did not see any
      thing around... he saw ABHIJEET on ACP's cabin and without any
      minute loss he enter inside the cabin... and hug ABHIJEET
      tightly....
ABHIJEET and ACP both are astonished after watching this...
DAYA: tum theek hona... ABHI.... oh thank GOD.....
ABHIJEET: push him back aggresively cz not only ACP but some
          other people are also there...
ABHIJEET: haan main theek hon... tum jao....
DAYA clearly feel that ABHIJEET did not like his unintentional act...
but he was helpless at that time...
after this incident, ACP ordered both DUE for some case work... but ABHIJEET
took VIVEK instead of DAYA which shows his sulkiness towards DAYA...
this is really shocking and hurting for DAYA...
he leave the bearue and at that time when he step down from stairs, SACHIN
came to him and say SORRY about his act, he said that he did this just cz of APRIL fool
but he did not often thought what are the consequnces handled by both of them...
SACHIN: I m extremelly SORRY Sir, mujhy malum nahi tha kay ABHIJEET Sir ka reaction
itna harsh hoga aur aap ko itni takleef hogi...
DAYA (in really sad voice and look): aainda kabhi kisi kay sath aisa nahi karna..
and just leave the place atonce...
at that night DAYA call to ABHIJEET and want to clearify everything but ABHIJEET
did not pick his call... DAYA is really in sorrow mood...
on next day, he tried everything to talk to ABHIJEET but ABHIJEET did not give a
lazy moment so DAYA get success in his effort....
this is really the BAD DAY for DAYA, because his BEST BUDDY is angry with him
without asking what was the reason behind of that act....  
due to that situation, SACHIN decided to tell everything to ABHIJEET....
SACHIN: main ABHJEET Sir ko sub bata don ga kay meri wajah say he DAYA Sir ko
        itna problem hua...
KAJAL: aap ko aisa karna he nahi tha Sir, her koi DAYA Sir aur ABHIJEET Sir ki
       attachment ko jaanta hay....
SACHIN: haan KAJAL, tum theek keh rahi ho... meri he ghalati thi....
VIVEK: Sir main ABHIJEET Sir ko jaanta hon, is waqt wo buht gussay mein hain...
SACHIN: magar yaar itni gussay wali baat tou thi nahi....
KAJAL: haan un k BEST FRIEND nay hee un ko hug kiya hay na... haan ye alug hay kay...
SACHIN: kay kiya kajal....
KAJAL: itny logun kay saamnay....
FRIDDIE: yehi baat hay, ABHIJEET Sir ko sirf isi baat ka gussa hay... warna DAYA Sir
         sy naraz hona... wo bhi ABHIJEET Sir ka... namumkin hay...
VIVEK: tou phr Sir ab kiya karein... aap hee kuch batao....
KAJAL: haan FREDDIE Sir, aap tou hum say zyada in logun ko jaanty hain na...
FREDDIE: arry tum log fiker na karo... FREDDIE hee ab kuch kary ga...
on the next day.... DAYA came littel late with a bandage on his forehead...
everyone was worried to see this... including ACP and ABHIJEET...
ACP: ye kiya hua DAYA????
DAYA: Sir kuch nahi... bus aisay hee...
ACP: magar ye chout...
DAYA: Sir wo ek chota sa accident ho gaya tha... bus... sub theek hay...
ACP gazed to DAYA and then towards ABHJEET, but ABHIJEET showed himself busy....
meanwhile ACP get call of Dr. SALUNKHY and said....
ACP: haan SALUNKHY...
ACP: acha hum abhi aaty hain....
ALL the team goes at FORENSIC LAB.....
ACP: haan SALUNKHY tum kuch bata rahay thay..... case kay baary mein...
ACP and SALUNKHY talk about the case... in that time DAYA look at ABHIJEET but
there is a big board of NO RESPONCE from ABHIJEET side....
between this discussion... when DAYA ask about something to Dr. SALUNKHY
DAYA: Sir tou ye kiya hay???
he picked something from the table and show it to Dr. SALUNKHY....
when SALUNKHY take this thing... his hand touches DAYA's hand....
SALUNKHY: arry DAYA tum tou kafi garam ho rahy ho...
          tabiyet tou theek hay tumhari???
DAYA: haan Sir...
SALUNKHY: Dr. TAREEKA zara thermameter tou laiyey....
TAREEKA: yes Sir....
DAYA: Sir main theek hun... aap bekaar mein pareshan ho rahay hain....
SALUNKHY: dekhny mein tou koi haraj nahi hay na.... wesy by the way ye chout
          tum ko kis silsily mei lagi???
at that moment, SALUNKHY give thermameter to DAYA... and then moved to ABHIJEET
SALUNKHY: haan bhae.... ABHIJEET.... ye DAYA ko chout kaisy lagi???
DAYA give the thermameter... and DR shocked....
SALUNKHY: DAYA tumhein tou itna zyada bukhaar hay....tum ko aaraam karna chahyey...
          aaray DAYA bachhy ye kaam waam tou chalty hee rehtay hain... magar apni
          sehut ka khayal bhi zarori hay...
          kyun... ACP sahab...
ACP: DAYA tum ko chout kesay lagi???
DAYA (with very low voice): Sir wo main aa raha tha yahan tou chakker sa aa gaya tou
                            gadi pair say takra gayii thi....
ACP: DAYA tum ghar ja ker aaraam karo....
DAYA: magar Sir....
ACP: its an order DAYA.... aur haan VIVEK tum DAYA ko chor ker aao...
DAYA left with VIVEK.......
SALUNKHY come near to ACP and whisper him that is everything alright between DAYA and ABHIJEET
ACP was shocked....
ACP: tum ko kesay pata chala kay dono kay darmiyaan koi tenshion hay....
SALUNKHY: aarry yaar ab itnay saalun say kaam ker rahay hain tou kuch tou andaza ho hee jaata hay
ABHIJEET pareshan hay magar zahir ker raha hay kay us ko koi takleef nahi.... aur na DAYA ki taraf
dekh raha hay....
ACP: haan SALUNKHY... tension tou hay... magar dono dostun ka aapus ka mamla hay... is liyey main
     kuch nahi bol raha hun...... dostun mein larai jhagra tou chalta hee hay... ab dekh tery aur
     mery beech mein kitni larai hoti hay... aary is say na piyaar barhta hay...
SALUNKHY: tou kis nay kaha hay kay aap mujh say piyaar barhaein....
ACP: chalo bhae ABHIJEET.... yahan tou aag lagni shoroo ho gayii hay....
SALUNKHY: haan haan... tum aur aa gayey ho barkhanay....
on returning from FORENSIC LAB, ACP want to talk to ABHIJEET, but he thought, its bit early....
on next morning, ABHIJEET found a SORRY card on his desk.... he was bit
emmotional, but suddenly change his mood after watching DAYA entering inside bearue....
FREDDIE: DAYA Sir kesay hain aap????
DAYA, fine FREDDIE and thanx.... ACP Sir abhi tak nahi aayey....
VIVEK: nahi Sir,
DAYA: acha...
DAYA try to start talk to ABHIJEET with formal way, but ABHIJEET dont get notice....
at that moment, ACP come and see DAYA...
ACP: haan DAYA kesay ho??? bukhar kuch kum hua????
DAYA: jee Sir... wo mujhy aap say kuch baat karni hay....
ACP: abhi nahi DAYA, pehly tum aur ABHIJEET dono ja ker is GARAGE kay maalik say milo....
ABHIJEET: Sir mai aur FREDDIE wahein ja rahay hain....
he totally ignore DAYA and move fastly with FREDDIE...
FREDDIE: magar Sir..
ABHIJEET: chalo... with angry look....
ACP was shocked and DAYA was hurted with embarassment...
at that evening, DAYA was giving his RESIGNSTION to ACP.... and jus say...
DAYA: Sir meri kuch personal reason hay...
ACP (just folded that resignation): kahein wo personal reason ABHIJEET tou nahi hay...
DAYA: nahi Sir forcefully...
ACP: DAYA tum kum az kum mujh say jhoot nahi bol sakty ho... jaanty ho na tum ye...
DAYA jus look at ACP with watery eyes and left bearue...
next morning, the news of DAYA's RESIGNATION filled the envirenment and the weather
of bearue was extremely sad.... FREDDIE is weeping slowly... VIVEK was so sad, KAJAL
is also feeling bad and SACHIN who is the main character of the whole scenario was
feel himself a point of conflict between two best buddies...
he rushed to ACP and tell him about that disguisting joke which created whole bad situation...
ACP scolds him alot.... at that moment ABHIJEET enrtering in bearue... ACP saw him keenly
and said to SACHIN...
ACP: SACHIN filhaal ABHIJEET ko ye batanay ki zarurat nahi hay... jab tak main na kahun...
     samajh gayey tum...
SACHIN: with very confusing way.... jee Sir...
ACP: ab tum jao... aur sub ko kehna ABHIJEET ko is baary mei koi kuch na batayey...
SACHIN: ok Sir, aisa hee hoga....
ABHIJEET: arry FREDDIE... kiya hua???? ro kyun rahay ho?? bhabhi jee nay kuch kaha hay???
FREDDIE look him angerly and move aside...
ABHIJEET was very confuse, nobody takes him serious....
ABHIJEET: Sir koi baat hui hay kiya??? sub buhat udaas lug rahay hain... aur FREDDIE bhi ro raha hay...
ACP: arry FREDDIE tou... kuch khas nahi... bus DAYA nay RESIGN ker diya hay...
ABHIJEET was extremelly shocked.....
ABHIJEET: kiya!!!
ACP looks him and said: haan wo us ki kuch personal reason hay.. aur main nay us ka ISTAFA
manzoor bhi ker liya hay... dekho kuch he dino mein headquarters say NAYA INSPECTOR aa jayey
ga.. jo tum ko join ker lay ga... jaldi... main nay baat ker li hay.....
ABHIJEET: magar Sir kyun... mera matlab hay DAYA nay aisa kyun kiya....
ACP(with careless tone): arry hogi koi us ki personal reason.... wesy tum kyun itna pareshan ho rahay ho...
tum tou wesy bhi us kay sath kaam nahi karna chahty thy.... hain na!!!
ABHIJEET: nahi Sir... aisa kuch nahi hay.... mai DAYA say kuch naraz zarur hon... magar main DAYA ko
kabhi nahi chor skta... kabhi nahi......
ACP: khair, ab tou us nay ISTAFA day diya hay....
ABHUJEET: Sir main us say abhi baat karta hon...
ACP: zarur....
ABHIJEET call to DAYA.... but DAYA did not pick the call....
ABHIJEET: VIVEK tum DAYA ko call karo... wo meri call recieve nahi ker raha hay... us say kehna
main wahein us ka intaizaar karunga...
VIVEK: kahan Sir...
ABHIJEET: wo jaanta hay...
VIVEK called DAYA and gave him ABHIJEET message... DAYA listen his message and put off his cell....
ABHIJEET waiting anxiously but there is no sign of DAYA'S coming.... after few hours he decided to
go back coz he feel that DAYA will not come...
while reversing his vehacle, few steps back he saw DAYA sat on roadside.... he stopped his jeep and sit next to him...
ABHIJEET: mujhay malum hay tum mujh say buhat khafa ho.... magar DAYA wahan itnay saary log thy
          tum samjho is ko bhi....
DAYA: kiya main nay pehlay kabhi aisa kiya hay???
ABHIJEET: nahi... isi liyey tou main hairaan tha kay tum ko aaj kiya hua hay!!!
DAYA: kiya tum ko pochna nahi chahyey tha...
ABHIJEET (in very low volume): haan...
DAYA: tou tum nay kyun nahi poocha!!!!
ABHIJEET: mujhy gussa hee itna carha kay main poochna bhool gaya...
DAYA: acha... he wanted to go but ABHIJEET grab his hand...
ABHIJEET: tum RESIGNATION wapis lay lo...
DAYA: kyun??????
ABHIJEET: main keh raha hon... tum meri baat maanty hona...
DAYA: maanta tha... and try to remove his wrist from ABHIJEET grip....
ABHIJEET (with smile): CID officer ka haath hay... itni jaldi is say bachna mushkil hay....
DAYA again try... but he dont want to try so hard cz as a result ABHIJEET hand will also hurted...
ABHIJEET: mujhay malum hay tum mujh say apna haath churwana chahty ho... magar wo kya hay DAYA kay
main tumharay hath ko chorna nahi chahta.... and suddenly he put his hand and DAYA's hand on Handcuff
and threw the key to the roadside...
DAYA: ye kiya ker diya tum nay ABHI....
ABHIJEET: main nay tou kuch nahi kiya....
DAYA: tum kiya samjhty ho.... main kiya maan jaonga.. is tarah..
ABHIJEET (wink hi): maano gay nahi bhi tou kiya... sath tou raho gay na...
DAYA: dekho ABHIJEET... tum
ABIJEET (with laughing): kiya dekhun DAYA... tumhein.... wesay yaar suna hay tumhari smile bari AWESOME hay..
DAYA: haan theek suna hay...
ABHIJEET: magar abhi wo kahan hay???
DAYA: main abhi gussay mein hun...
ABHIJEET: ohhhhh... acha... tou jub tum gussay mein hoty ho tou tumhari AWESOME smile kahan chali jaati hay???
DAYA (with anger): ghass khanay....
ABHIJEET (with laughing loudly): acha tou wo bhi tumhari tarah VEGETARIAN hay... hahah
DAYA continously try to remove his hand without hurting ABHIJEET hand... but failed....
DAYA:tum chahtay kiya ho ABHIJEET???
ABHIJEET: tum apna RESIGNATION wapis lay lo....
DAYA: aur agar na lun tou!!!!!!!!
ABHIJEET: theek hay tou phir bethay raho yahan meray sath....
DAYA (with aggressive tone): ok... fine
both sitting on roadside saw on opposite direction..... ABHIJEET cell ringing... he pick up the call...
ACP: ABHIJEET.... foran KHAR pohancho.... fata fat...
ABHIJEET: Sir... sub theek hay na....
ACP: tum foran aao... hum tumhara wahein intaizaar karein gay...
ABHIJEET was bit confused... he saw his hand and now bit irritatiing on his throwing keys decision....
he stand and just look at DAYA.... DAYA chalo....
DAYA: tum jao... tum ko bulaya hay.... main tou wesay bhi CID chor chuka hon...
ABHIJEET: DAYA please...
DAYA: tum nay meri "please" suni thi....
ABHIJEET: DAYA baad mein jitna marzi lar lena... abhi tou chalo....
DAYA also take steps with ABHIJEET towards his jeep... ABHIJEET on his move cz his RIGHT hand is free...
after few minute... he saw a car in his view mirror continously chasing to ABHIJEET jeep... he told this to
DAYA... and after watching few seconds... he also agreed with ABHIJEET... at the moment... that car speeds
up and come against ABHIJEET jeep and start firing....
DAYA and ABHIJEET instantly go down and then DAYA grab ABHIJEET and remove him from the jeep from his side due to
that handcuffs...  
DAYA dont have a gun... but ABHIJEET have... so he take position and started firing as well.... but the against party
were more in numbers with more amunation and good position....
DAYA was just try to move here and there with ABHIJEET.... now he stop to remove his hand cz its create
difficulty for ABHIJEET.... in that bad situation... one bullet shot ABHIJEET on his chest... DAYA was
totally insane... even he dont understand what to do... ABHIJEET lost his gun as well turned into
unconcious state rapidly.... the against party stop firing and rushed from where they came...
DAYA was mad... he saw the jeep but in this shootout the tires bursts....
DAYA saw ABHIJEET.... his hand... and then grab ABHIJEET and started running.... he was trying his best
to maximize his speed... he lost everything either to call to ACP Sir.... he just see ABHIJEET face and
boost up his speed... he tried to ask lift from people... but people saw handcuffs on their hands and then
step back just thinking they are the terrorest.... at last DAYA was inside the hospital... before DR
say something he take out ABHIJEET CID BADGE from his coat pocket and show it to DR and just say... please..
first they cut their handcuffs and then took ABHIJEET... DAYA was also in bad state of health and mind too...
he try to call to ACP but he lost his cell in that battle... he is going to RECEPTION and call to ACP and
tell him everything....
before ACP entering.... DR came to DAYA and say "I M SORRY"... and DAYA become mad... even he do not listen
the DR completely... he grabs his coller..
DAYA: tum jhoot bol rahay ho....
DR: magar officer... aap meri baat sunyey....
DAYA: agar ABHI ko kuch hua... tou main tumhari gardan maror dunga.....       
DR: officer aap meri baat tou sunyey....
at that time ACP enter with his team...
ACP: DAYA ye kiya ker rahay ho... choro usay...
DAYA: Sir ye bol raha hay kay ABHI... and after that word he fell down... and unconcious....
after long hours.... DAYA open his eyes... he saw ACP and he started crying without hesitation...
DAYA: Sir ye sub meri wajah say ho gaya.... main nay ABHI ko maar diya... main agar usay jaldi
      hospital lay aata tou aisa kabhi nahi hota.... main... he is crying loudly...
ACP: DAYA... DAYA... sanbhalo khud ko....
DAYA: Sir... ABHI...
ACP: magar ABHIJEET tou....
TAREEKA: kiya hua ABHIJEET ko...
DAYA saw her and thought due to this news she lost her senses...
everyone is looking at DAYA....
just on time... ABHIJEET entered
ABHIJEET: haan bhae... kiya hua mujhay... arry DAYA....
DAYA was getup from the bed and rushed towards ABHIJEET... he touched his face...
on his hand... and last on his chest where he shot...
ABHIJEET: aweeee. ahhhhh
DAYA huged him and suddenly pushed back saying SORRY....
ABHIJEET: hain... tou kiya tum ko afsos hua mujhy zinda dekha ker...
DAYA: Sorry....
ABHIJEET: meray bachnay per itni SORRY.... hain...
DAYA asked ACP: magar Sir wo DR tou keh raha tha....
ACP(with smile): tum nay usay kehnay ka mauqa kahan diya DAYA....
ABHIJEET: aur kiya... pehly hee bechary ko apny DO FAmOUS say JHANPER maar diyey kay wo bhi
          meray baraber mein late gaya....
ACP: wo keh raha tha kay zyada khoon behnay ki wajah say ABHIJEET ko hosh aany mein waqt lagay ga...
FREDDIE: magar Sir aap nay tou pehlay hee us ki....
ABHIJEET (intruppting): coonch band ker di....
FREDDIE: hahaha... haan Sir...
ABHIJEET: wesay hum nay bata diya hay... kay humara ye officer (pointing to DAYA) thora KHISKA
          hua hay.... magar us ki smile bari AWESOME hay...  
DAYA(in anger): kiya main KHISKA hua hon...
ACP: ek minute ABHIJEET abhi tum DAYA ki smile kay baary mein kiya keh rahy thay...
ABHIJEET(with naughty tone): Sir DAYA ko "kisi" nay kaha hay kay us ki smile bari AWESOME hay...
ACP look at DAYA... he looks SHY... he looks so cute....
ACP: kiya kisi larki nay kaha hay....
DAYA is so embarass... he try to change the topic but ABHIJEET....
ABHIJEET: haan Sir.... kaha tou kisi "larki" nay hee hay....
everyone gigles in this situation... DAYA look so shy....
ABHIJEET: magar Sir... DAYA ki wo AWESOME smile na... VEGETARIAN hay....
VIVEK: hain Sir... kiya...
ABHIJEET is laughing... DAYA try to cope up and now he successeded...
he said to TAREEKA...
DAYA: arry TAREEKA tumhein malum hay.... ABHIJEET shadi ker raha hay...
everyone turned into ABHIJEET:
ABHIJEET: hain... hain.... ye kiya keh rahay ho DAYA...
DAYA: haan larki tou achi hay....
ABHIJEET: DAYA... marwao gay kiya....
ACP(with naughty smile): tum nay tou larki dekhi hogi DAYA... hain na!!!!
TAREEKA was in shock state...
ABHIJEET: Sir DAYA aisay hee keh raha hay...
DAYA(ignoring ABHIJEET): haan Sir... larki tou buhat achi hay...
                         magar bus ek masla hay... us kay sath...
ABHIJEET(whispering to DAYA): tu pitay ga DAYA ab mujh say....
ACP: haan... tou hum kyun hain... bhae.. ABHIJEET ka masla... humara masla....
ABHIJEET: Sir... ye DAYA... na... koi masla nahi hay....
ACP: yani tum nay larki pasand ker li hay....
ABHIJEET... nahi... haan... nahi... Sir....
ABHIJEET: DAYA kay bacchay...
ACP: haan DAYA... tu batao kiya masla hay.... DR.TAREEKA zarur ABHIJEET ka masla
     hal ker dein gi.... hain na TAREEKA....
TAREEKA (with faint smile): jee Sir....
ABHIJEET: DAYA....
DAYA: you start it first....
ACP(again): DAYA... tum nay bataya nahi kay kiya masla hay....
DAYA: Sir wo... wo bus.... Sir wo ek "terhay" aadmi kay sath kaam karti hay....
ACP: terha aadmi...
ABHUJEET punch on DAYA's shoulder and he get back to his place... obviously
on hospital bed........
DAYA take his RESIGNATION back....  when ABHIJEET try to find somthing from his drawr...
he saw that SORRY CARD... he opened it... and start laughing... DAYA came near....
DAYA: kiya boss... akelay akelay hee hans rahay ho....
ABHIJEET: ye dekho....
DAYA: hahaha... ye kiya.... he call FREDDIE...
VIVEK also come near to DAYA... he saw a Card and stated laughing too...
FREDDIE: jee DAYA Sir... aap nay mujhay bulaya....
DAYA: ye sub kiya hay FREDDIE....
FREDDIE: Sir kiya....
DAYA show him card.... where he wrote his name on reciever hands....
FREDDIE: Sir wo...
ABHIJEET and DAYA both say FREDDIE tou "gadha" hay na... and everyones laughing ...
DAYA always saw his wrist which has that MARK of FRIENDSHIP (handcuff mark)... and a cute AWESOME smile comes to his lips... which lit up his whole life....


    

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mahrukhtaamishikha07novvermameghaarnie002.Crystal.DJ_ApurvaLavenderCrystaldr.fahmiprincess.aadri-fairy1pappais-beena-Girl-Lawsworthaway_from_TVcid_duo.YaJuShI.Gwendchotabhootmaggi.masalaAditi_97LadyMeringue_Invincible_-Twinkles-sherdilali-nyhelangelSRJDivianTanz_Divz

.Crystal. Senior Member
.Crystal.
.Crystal.

Joined: 10 September 2010
Posts: 598

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 10:34am | IP Logged
Really cute story! Big smile
Highlights our duo's friendship so nicely!

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cid_duo

dr.fahmi Goldie
dr.fahmi
dr.fahmi

Joined: 15 July 2009
Posts: 1479

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
Glad to see another writer in the forumSmile till now all fanfics i have read here were either some case related or funny stories. As you have mentioned, genre of this story is totally different from the actual theme of the show, as it was totally duo's friendship centered, so readers have to keep this fact in their mind but good point was u kept mentioning about some case investigation going on in the background so i didnt feel totally lost. Now about the plot, i dont understand why was abhijit angry if daya hugged him in others presence? If he found it strange, he should have asked daya sir. What i enjoyed the most were the funny conversations between duo and in last hospital scene but frankly I felt many times that duo and even ACP sir were somewhat unlike themselves in this story. But overall it was a good attempt from a beginnerClapClap about rest our expert writers can give a better analysis. hope to see more from youSmile

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cid_duo

aadri- Goldie
aadri-
aadri-

Joined: 01 September 2010
Posts: 2361

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
nice attempt........apt title.......... Thumbs Up

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cid_duo

DivianTanz_Divz IF-Addictz
DivianTanz_Divz
DivianTanz_Divz

Joined: 22 April 2009
Posts: 50232

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 7:34pm | IP Logged
Great start from u dear. Though some incidents were confusing, it was very sweetly portrait on Daya-Abhi friendship. And I just love the last line...friendship mark and Daya's smileEmbarrassed....I could see that through my mind.

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cid_duo

subha. IF-Dazzler
subha.
subha.

Joined: 09 December 2010
Posts: 2991

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 8:50pm | IP Logged
Good attempt at story writing Thumbs Up

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cid_duo

m_kal2011 IF-Sizzlerz
m_kal2011
m_kal2011

Joined: 25 June 2010
Posts: 10827

Posted: 19 December 2010 at 9:19pm | IP Logged
I read the story. So now we have another writer in the forum.
Coming to the plot. Since CID is a crime based serial, it's better to have a proper plot in your story. You can make it a parallel plot like something serious happened so Abhi was behaving like this. It reminds me of my story where in the beginning Abhijeet was behaving strangely with Daya but it was revealed at the end why he was doing so. I agree with Fahmi that characters are not the same as we see hem in the serial.
But never mind, it's your first attempt. If u try u can write better.

BTW your username is peculiar. And after reading your story I felt that you are not very comfortable with Hindi(like me).



Edited by m_kal2011 - 19 December 2010 at 10:14pm

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dr.fahmicid_duo

LavenderCrystal Goldie
LavenderCrystal
LavenderCrystal

Joined: 25 November 2010
Posts: 1442

Posted: 20 December 2010 at 5:07am | IP Logged
aww really cuteSmile
good jobClapClapClapClap

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