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FF: Maan&Geet: 120, Chandini's Rooftop - CLOSED (Page 3)

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Paloma_D

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Paloma_D

Joined: 12 November 2010

Posts: 361

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 7:37am | IP Logged
Brilliant can't wait for the next part! Lol Scotland yard:)
Update soon
Paloma x


Edited by Paloma_D - 13 December 2010 at 7:37am

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-afsha-

IF-Sizzlerz

-afsha-

Joined: 24 June 2008

Posts: 20240

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 7:45am | IP Logged
Nice FF
Liked the strt
Well Maan is sumthg new here n evn Geet
Geet was feeling his pain n she spoke her truth name out for the 1st tym
Liked that Maan in so much pain was also observing her n her language
Lets c How their lives changes after that night
Update soon
Thanx for the pm

punjabi.princes

IF-Rockerz

punjabi.princes

Joined: 10 February 2008

Posts: 5954

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 7:51am | IP Logged
awesome FF and great beginning!
a unique lovestory in the making! lol
add me to the pm forsure...
con't soon

bobbydoll

Goldie

bobbydoll

Joined: 28 March 2010

Posts: 1213

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 8:09am | IP Logged
different concept

amara7374

Groupbie

amara7374

Joined: 30 July 2010

Posts: 108

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 8:32am | IP Logged
it z just awesome......Clap
u should continue it............
very good............
cant make it from to many days.............................paperz they...............
tc

ibelieveinpink

IF-Stunnerz

ibelieveinpink

Joined: 25 September 2006

Posts: 30180

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 8:46am | IP Logged
OMG!!! I don't know what to say...it's something so different def, but I can't find the exact words for it...I think I'm having mixed feelings about this FF, b/c both are very flawed compared to their on-screen characters! I mean she's a prostitute and he's engaged in illegal activities....there's a dark/grey side to them! I mean it was good, but it's strange to adapt to this genre of reading! I guess I'm so used to that softness and gentleness of NY Times, sorry if this is offending, but it'll take me time to appreciate and fall in love with MK and Chandni!! Ok now for the things I liked!!!!

One....I'm so happy G/C (geet aka Chandni) is written the way you did...she's classy in her own way! She knows how to crack jokes and has a good humor and she knows 7 languages, which means she's obviously the intelligent kind! I really wanna know her back story...can't wait to find out why she is how she is and how she got into the business!!! Plus, she doesn't take shit....from the get go you made her strong!!! 

Second...MK....Armani, Mercedes, empire.....thanks for those visuals....he obviously has a taste for higher things in life...let's see how G/C will fit into this! But I loved the chess analogy who used about how he doesn't have a queen hence no checkmate....no weakness...I'm gonna love how Geet will change this philosophy!!!

Third....in a weird way both are equals b/c he's the king of his empire and she's the queen bee....the one to get in her line of work!! Strange correlation, but I can foresee ego/attitude clashes in the future!!! B/c even seems like a no-shit kind of guy!!!

Four....Dev just seem amazing...I also foresee a strange love triangle forming...not anytime soon of course, but real soon! Just b/c both D and M are competitors in the look department, but there's a mysterious aura around MK...he's all business and no fun, so MG seem like a sizzling pair!

The wound cleaning was hot in its own way!!! To see that he brought some kind of change in her was really magical....English and he calls her out on it...amazing!!! Her eyes glowing like soft coals....OMG!! This line was amazing!!! I like the visual of that!!!

The ending was so good...she tells him her real name!! I was so confused the whole time as to why you called her Chandni, but then when she says her name is Geet it all makes sense....now to find out the secret of her life....that's gonna be great!!

Suggestion: Maybe you should include Maneet, MG, Geet or something in the title so other Geet fans read this b/c it's a nice change from FFs and stories! I say keep the Rooftop part, but maybe change the ek so bees part....I like this title more than simply surreal though! Also, did you make a character sketch for this like you did for NY Times?!

Other than that...fantastic job!!!!Big smile

Lov26

Senior Member

Lov26

Joined: 31 August 2010

Posts: 397

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 8:46am | IP Logged
Love your new attempt Hasini.Smile

It is not an unusual story but your writing style will make it different.

Would love to read more.
Seems that this one will contain less English though is that right?

6thElement

Goldie

Joined: 18 October 2010

Posts: 1709

Posted: 13 December 2010 at 8:54am | IP Logged
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