Joined: 28 August 2009
I am just a simple ordinary girl in this big brutal world. Life had been pretty easy for me. Yeah, I had my own share of experiences, but I kind of enjoyed everything. I never took anything for granted. Being the first child, I have always been the daddy's girl. I belong to a rich family, so I never had to crave for anything.
But I never considered it to be my achievement. I mean, I hadn't earned all that! I was a mediocre in studies, not that I really studied. I never craved for new things, I just love exploring myself. I love to dig myself down and see what I have never seen. I love adventures. Well, I am shy, reserved and an introvert, but I am happy for what I am.
I always wanted to be like someone else. But then I realized that I am Nupur, just because I am different. I mean, I just don't know, what I feel. Sometimes I feel I am wrong, and I don't want to live but the other times, I feel happy that God gave me such a wonderful life. I am always in awe of myself. Sometimes I do the things; I didn't even know that I could really do. I am terribly mysterious.
Well, but my life has undergone a change since we met. I no longer want to stay inside the class in the interval. Just one glance of Mayank makes my day. Sometimes I feel that I just want to run away from him, but then something, just something holds me back. I feel something for him but I just don't know what.
I mean, I have always been a girl who was quiet a traditional one. I am shy, I have long hairs, I hate short clothes, and I love traditions and know what all they symbolize. I always hated such type of affairs. I mean love in school? Are u kidding? Kids can't fall in love, atleast not true love.
I always believe that love happens only once in life. The other feelings may be crush, infatuation, attachment, like or anything except love. I never liked boyfriend-girlfriend relationships and despite having such friends, I, for one, didn't go astray. I always maintained my character and never indulged I such acts.
I always had a dream of having arranged marriage. I still have, but my liking towards him has only grown with the distances. I am not sure of the consequences anymore. I like him, yeah, really like him. I even tried to brush off my feelings for him by thinking that I like him just because he possesses the same smile as Arjun Bijlani, my favourite actor, does.
Yeah, his smile is really gorgeous and I love to see him smiling. But can he see me? Well, I am not sure of this. Sometimes I feel that I don't want to feel for him, but the other moment, I find myself stealing glances at him. And when his sixth sense starts working, and he turns to look in my direction, I turn back.
"Sometimes we can fall in love with someone for all the wrong reasons, and still love them even after all the heartache because most of the time, we can't pick who we love. And even though we know we shouldn't love them, we do and always will, because there are just some people in our lives who will get to us for reasons we can't explain, even when they shouldn't."
Its not that I love him, I only like him. It would be more than enough if I get him as my friend. It's because I know that we have no future. My parents really understand, and although they love me really much, still I know that they despise love marriages. One of my cousins had a love marriage and her 'chapter' always opens up as an example of people who ruin their father's name.
I don't want to be one of them. Infact, I am not sure if I want to even marry Mayank. I just kind of like him, but ohk, I don't know. I don't know what I really want from God. It's just that everything is so messed up that I am not in my control now. My feelings for him are too strong to ignore.
Every time I see him, a smile automatically comes to my face accompanied by a blush. My heart beats starts increasing when he passes by my side. I feel so magical, so special around him. I always try to look at him while not letting my friend guess about it. But since I told my best friend about him, she makes a special effort by letting me see him properly. I don't know whether it's a liking or a crush or infatuation or simply some unknown feelings. It's just that I am not me anymore.
It's not that my heart is in my control anymore. I mean, I just don't know why, but I have started liking him a lot. I don't know whether it is just a fling, or my feelings have grown more than that. I have always brushed off my feelings for him, by saying that it's just a fling. It would pass away by time. But how come time is not blurring it?
It is a fling. It's just a fling, which would pass away with time. It can't be more than a fling. But then, why does my heart react so strongly around him? Why can I sense his presence? Why do I feel different around him? Why do I love looking at his back? Why do I stare at him, when he is not looking?
Often, when he senses something, and looks at my direction, I always turn back. I always make sure that he doesn't see me. I am afraid. I am terrified of the consequences if I felt more. I am not sure if I want to feel for him. Can anyone teach me how to control one's heart? I know that after everything, I would be alone and desolate.
It's just a fling for me. It has to be a fling only. It was supposed to be a fling only. But who knows? But my feelings have grown. Maybe…
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