Joined: 19 July 2009
"I am saving your from me." Were his words when he had last time spoken directly to me'
Saving me'..! What an irony? I thought to myself'his absence is killing me'..tearing my heart into thousand pieces'..
Last time we met'he said," it's better, we stay as strangers'." But does he realize that we have come too far, to pretend to live life that way'.fury was a better emotion these days; to help me staying alive'staying alive without seeing him'.without accusing him'..without fighting with him'.without his music'.actually that were his words full of frustration & anger & irritation when he talked to me'but some how it meant music to me'music I was dying to hear'..without the gaze of his hypnotic eyes on me..The first time he saved me'.then while he said those romeo dialogues''..his face'.so close to me'I could feel his cool breath''..
Aahh! I banged my fists on the computer table in my room'.agitated with myself, why can't I stop thinking of him? What it is that I am feeling for him? This had been a routine, my emotions would start from fury and end at this emotion foreign to me'..I didn't know the emotion but one thing I am sure of is 'that his absence is affecting me'..so many questions 'but no answers''
In college everyone's life was back to normal'
kabir was happy, he got his "romeo" role back in the play'thanks to "him" (the name of the person I am trying hard to avoid) "he" backed out'.nobody knew the reason of his quitting, the play'.it was easy to accept because he never gave reasons for his obnoxious actions'.thanks to his attitude'..but deep inside me I knew the reason'in fact "I" was the reason'..
misha was at her usual best'.she was kind of celebrating "his" absence in the college'..
"T" was busy pinpointing my bad acting as Juliet, but for the first time I felt she was damn right'I wasn't acting well there were flaw in my acting skills'.I wasn't playing Juliet well, panchi too, said she felt something missing'.but kabir ,his supportive best, silenced all, 'but I wasn't silent something in me was always saying'."I am saving you from me'.., ";"it's better, we stay as strangers'.."
Damn it! I said as I sat on the desk in the class, we had a combined journalism class, misha and kabir would come any moment'and so our ma'am'.as I set, I felt someone sitting next to me'.I fussed a little'He seemed to pay no attention, I murmured in displeasure,'why me?
A voice answered, I am sitting here, because I am safe with you'
My eyes, opened wide in pleasure, disbelief'or'I don't know'.actually I didn't care'all I was interested was he was here, here sitting right next to me, talking to me in person'..i wanted to talked to him'or rather shoot him with my questions'.just as I was trying to organize my thoughts'misha wished me'.hey, looser, daydreaming as usual. I turned back to answer her that this time I am not dreaming'..actually every class I would imagine "him" making a fashionably late entry in the class, his graceful walking style '.then, he would take off his glasses, ask me to shift so that he can make himself comfortable besides me'and than answer ma'am's question with such an ease, as if he knew it all along'(generally I wasn't so liberal in appreciating his style, looks, his presence around me'but his absence had brought this change in me)
back to misha, hey, I am not dreaming ' '.and there's nothing to loose if we dream'because dreams do come true'.I was boosting, as I just thought that my dream came true he was there sitting besides me'.
Misha ' acha, madam tell me which of your dream has come true?
I turned around to see him'and'
He wasn't there, but I saw him here'.I heard him'..oh God , I have been dreaming!....I have been dreaming!'..and a small fragile voice from the back of my mind spoke''silly, you have been wishing!'you have been wishing to see him here''wishing badly to be with him''
Unable to hide my disappointment any longer'I ran out of the class'.I think misha and kabir were about to follow me, misha screaming," what's wrong?" just then ma'am entered the class and they were not allowed out of the class'.I secretly thanked for that'because I wanted to be alone'how would have I explained to them what was wrong '..
I sat there, I didn't notice till tears rolled down from my eyes that I was crying'.I was crying!!!!!! I was crying to be with "him." I stood there frozen with my own very recent realization'.
Lecture was over, soon misha, kabir, came in looking for me'but this time, they were accompanied by Danish and panchi'.they were all smiles'.I straighten up with no hint of tears in my eyes, because I didn't want to share with them what was wrong with me'..
Misha, now it's time to forget the entire worries babe', because it's celebration time'
I tried to ask enthusiastically, even thought I wasn't slightest interested'..
Danish ' abhay, is not going to come back in this college'., he decided to leave this college'. In fact his is going to leave this city and this country all together'.tonight!
I gasped, this can't be true! stroke of pain almost killed me at the thought that he doesn't even want to stay in the country where I lived'
Kabir- I can understand this kind of good news are hard to believe, piya.''
Misha ' good news! This is a bumper prize'.finally he realized he is a looser'he tried to create problems within us but we defeated him'..and now he is running away as a coward'..let 's have a party in college'.
I couldn't bear this any longer'I tried to be reasonable even though I wanted to slap misha right there, see we can't spread this news with out conformation'I still tried to be positive'
Panchi ' piya, Danish works at raichand's he has seen the papers abhay is going to London'.in fact he has even got the admission in the best university there'..danish is here, to give this good news in person'.
I was on the verge of crying'but crying in front of them would only complicate things'.but still my sadness was evident on my face'
Kabir ' what's the matter? Aren't you happy?
Kabir , I am not feeling well, exhaustion I guess, I think I need a good sleep'..panchi, would you mind if I don't attend rehearsals today?
Panchi readily agreed, so I thought I was convincing and good at lying'I didn't stop, giving no chance to kabir and misha to bother me with questions'.
Kabir offered to accompany me to the hostel, I didn't object, because if he dropped me till my room he would not try to come to my room in the later part of the day with any excuse. And I would be free to mourn and cry and sulk.
I sat on my bed crumbled myself into a ball and cried'..cried'..it's all over, I could never again see his hypnotic eyes'he would never get angry on me'.some how his anger, his hatred had become special to me'it was something that connected us'.his this set of emotions, feeling just for me'.it didn't matter to me now, even if it was just plain hatred'..but it gave me satisfaction that I am not like other girls in his eyes'I am different to him'in whichever way I don't care''.
I sat up gathering my self''he is still here, till tonight, I have to see him one last time'.so that I can cage his image in my memory'..I have to try 'try to convince him not to leave'even though I was the reason of his leaving'.so I thought of applying my mind into more creative way instead of sulking, and I tried to think of ways I could meet him'
hope you all like it...waiting for your comments.......
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A voice answered, I am sitting here, because I am safe with you'
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Madhura Naik makes an exit from Sony TV's show Tum Aise Hi Rehna.
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