Joined: 27 December 2006
She looked at what was going on. Sid was standing beside her, checking all of the belongings to take. He packed all of his baggage. Ridhimma just stood there, perplexed at what was going on. The information that Sid gave her was not sinking in.
'Ridhimma I think it is time we end this!'
Ridhimma stood shocked and confused. What did he mean by....end this... This was not how she imagined things would be. Everything was falling apart after one night that she despised. One night that she was ready to give herself to Sid and yet was taken by Armaan due to his passion. That one night that she wished to erase. That one night that she wished that her husband would hold her tightly and assure her that he loves her and wants her in every way. But what she got that night was certainly different than what she imagined!
Sid packed his bags completely. He felt his heart shudder. He remembered her words when she was talking to Armaan. The pain she had in her eyes when she said that Sid is her Zimmedari and she can't leave him no matter how much she loves Armaan (A/N: I didn't really watch DMG those days so I don't really know if this is what happened or this was done some other way so please excuse me here). He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. The image of her pain-stricken teary face came in front of his eyes. He opened his eyes and the lump that was hidden at the back of his throat threatened to come out. He saw her confused horror-filled face. He slightly smiled and went near her.
Ridhimma could not look up into his eyes. She was ashamed of not just one, but a lot of things. She was ashamed of not being a good wife. For not ever thinking about Sid as her first priority. For not ever being able to do something for him. And last of all, for letting some other man touch her. She closed her eyes and a tear escaped from her lashes. She felt familiar, warm fingers gracing her face. She opened her eyes to see his smiling face in front of her.
Sid could not take it. He did not want to leave her. He loved her, but he also knew that sometimes if you love a person, then the best thing is to let her go and find her happiness by herself. If Sid was Ridhimma's happiness than she would have realized it a long time ago. But she didn't which broke his heart and shattered him. He mustered all of his strength and scooped her face gently in his palms, "Ridhimma...Sach to yahi hai na? Tum mere saath khush nahi ho aur tumhari khushi Armaan hai.." Sid looked at her, "Dekho agar me kahoon ki me theek hoon to ye galat hoga kyuuki ab waqt aagaya hai ke we both understand that this isn't right. Nothing is going right and it is about time we admit that before it is really too late!"
Ridhimma was too dumbfounded to say anything. She could not imagine a life without him. He was a part of her life that she gave 9 months to. It may be due to him being her good friend or something more. She didn't know at this point. All she knew was that she will miss him tremendously. But she also knew that it was too late. Too late to change his mind. Too late to do anything. She moved forward and hugged him. He hugged her back. This was the first time when they both hugged each other, feeling the same way. None of the feelings were one-sided or unreciprocated. Both knew that they will feel incomplete without the other yet both reluctant to admit it!
The routine was always the same. No one in Sanjivani knew yet, except two people, Sid and Ridhimma. Both of them acted same way towards each other. Both acted friendly, because none had any negative feelings, only regrets that they did not try to make their relationship work. Both decided that Sid will tell the family when they are done with all the official work for the divorce. Sid already filed for the divorce papers, and issued them to come straight to Sanjivani. The duties were assigned as usual.
Ridhimma was walking, when she felt a sudden pull and found herself in the fire escape that held very dear to her. She looked around to find Armaan looking at her. 'Armaan..' but Armaan silenced her. 'Ridhimma..Kyuun kar rahi ho tum aisa. Agar tum chaho to main baat karoon Sid se.' Ridhimma jerked her face and looked at him in utter shock. 'Nahi..' she interrupted him. 'Tum aisa kuch nahi karoge." She warned him. He nodded his head, not entirely understanding why she warned him. She freed herself gently and escaped that part of her memory. She was walking when she realized the depth of Armaan's words. For some reason, it sounded strange to her. She did not imagine herself to be with someone like she was with Sid. She sighed as she shook herself out of her reverie.
Sid heard the announcement. He was confused. He did not know why Ridhimma was being called along with him, in Dr. Shashank's office. He slowly made his way, only to face Dr. Shashank furious face.
Ridhimma arrived earlier and Sid arrived few minutes later. Both looked at him when he showed the divorce papers to them. Sid looked shocked, he did not think about the consequences of asking his lawyer to send the papers to Sanjivani. He closed his eyes. Dr. Shashank's questionable expression was valid. Sid looked up after taking a deep breath. "Papa...who yeh hum bahut dino se soch rahe hain.." he swallowed yet again. "Wo...main, ab aur nahi seh sakta...Ridhimma achchi ladki hai papa but main is samjhote ki shaadi se tang aa gaya hoon! I am fed up. I want a release. I don't want to be in this relationship anymore...." Shashank's knees seemed to have given up..he collapsed on to his chair. Ridhimma moved forward to help him up. Shashank stopped her, "Yeh tum kya keh rahe ho Sid? Tum to Ridhimma se bahut pyaar karte hoo.." Sid interrupted, "Karta tha.." He looked at Shashank with the eyes that pierced his soul. He could not say anything except to hug daughter. Sid moved back and exited the room. His eyes burned hot with fresh tears. He felt helpless. Sid knew if he told everyone the real reason for leaving then everyone will blame and taunt Ridhimma and he did not want that one bit.
Ridhimma's heart cried out. She calmed her father down before going to her favorite spot...the fire escape. She sat down as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "It's so strange.." she whispered, "I know that what you said was only to protect me and yet I feel like I am being slapped on the face." She cried out in pain.
"I know....first Armaan left her and now Sid....man I wonder why? There must be something wrong with her!" one of the custodian whispered as Ridhimma walked by. "I know, who knows? Maybe it is because her lover is back and that is why she is leaving her husband! What a characterless woman!" the other custodian replied. Ridhimma did not how this was leaked but it was work of some hospital insider. She was upset to hear all of this, but what appalled her more was that she could not falsify these rumors. She knew that no matter how harsh they sounded, they were true nonetheless. However, she was shaken out of her thoughts when she heard Sid's stern voice:
S: Aap log kya....what are you saying?? Who are you calling characterless?? She did nothing wrong. I am the one who is leaving her, so why is she the culprit? You people just want to gossip don't you? She is not at fault. Let me tell you, she is the most affectionate and loving wife anyone would wish for. Why are you blaming her? She is the victim here!!
Custodian: Really? If she is so lovely then why are you leaving her?
Sid: because no matter how lovely she is, I don't deserve her....she deserves better than me...
Sid's outrage alarmed everyone there. Ridhimma just stood there! Speechless and at the same time surprised. Tears welled up in her eyes and she ran away from there. Sid followed her:
Ridz: Why? Sid why? Why are you doing this? You know it's not your fault and yet?
Sid: Ridhimma....tumhari bhi to galti nahiin hai na! You were, are, and always will be in love with Armaan and there is no helping it....no matter how much I love you...you will still love him! Ridhimma koi kuch bhi kahe...the truth is that I love you and I want to protect you....
Ridz: Words cannot describe how I feel Sid...
Sid shushed her, and pulled her in a hug. She closed her eyes and took his scent in.
Armaan smiled at Ridhimma when she came in the locker room.
Ridz looked up at him: hmmm?
Armaan: oh to tum isiliye mujhe rok rahi thi kyuunki tumhara divorce already pehle se ho hi raha tha?
Ridz: Armaan I need to talk to you.
She came and stood in front of him. Sid, who came behind her was looking at this whole scenario unable to move.....Ridz smiled at Armaan for the first time...happiness apparent in her eyes. Ridz put her hands over her heart. "do you hear it Armaan?" Armaan looked perplexed. "My heartbeat?" It's beating fast. He smiled at her. "I know why!" "No, Armaan you don't! it is not because of you...it is because of Sid"...Armaan smiled, "I know, he let you go that is why!" "No that is not it'.he hugged me!" Armaan looked at her, his smile disappearing. Ridhimma began, "At first, when you came in my life, I was confused because my love for you never disappeared. Even today, I still love you.." Sid moved a step back and supported himself to the wall after hearing this for the second time!
Ridhimma resumed, "I still love you''but my love for Sid'.it's just not love'.it's something greater...bigger" She breathed in deeply. "Words cannot describe what I feel for him Armaan...Its not love but much more than that. I feel respect, honor, and pride when I look at him, and most of all I feel understanding and love. I am not saying that you were missing something, but merely that I can't leave him. I am married to him now. He is a part of me now...a part of me that I cant leave behind. Even if I move with you, that part of me will never be complete...Armaan, today finally I realized that we just weren't meant to be..."Armaan gulped, "Then what was it that night??" She knew that this was coming so she smiled, "Armaan, did you know that Sid never held me with that authority or passion ever?? Your passion blinded me, and I yearned for that kind of love...but the hug that Sid just gave me washed my worries away. I used to think that he did not ever touch me even when I gave myself to him because he did not want to embrace me as a wife....everytime I stepped towards him, he moved back thinking that I am uncomfortable with it...but if being with him means that giving all of this up then I am willing to!" Armaan started crying , "Is it me? Am I lacking something?" Ridhimma shook her head, "No Armaan, it's not you! You are an amazing guy, and I love you...but I am not 'in love' with you anymore...and Sid...well he can childish, immature, impulsive, annoying, little hard to talk to or understand but I love him. He stood by me when the whole world turned its back on me! He was there for me whenever I needed him, then how can I leave him now??"
Armaan sighed, "Guilt..." Ridhimma stopped him, "No! I am not feeling guilty right now!" Armaan smiled, "I know...I just wanted to say that Guilt is certainly not an option here...because Basket..." Ridhimma interrupted him again, "Ridhimma!"...Armaan smiled sadly "Ridhimma, no matter what, you cannot lie....I know you...and I know that right now, you don't need me. You need..him" he did not have the strength to say Sid's name. He smiled sadly, tears threatening to come out so he exited the locker room.
Sid, who was overly overwhelmed, just stood there at the locker room's door. Ridhimma came in front of him, "Sid..." She took his hands in hers, "I know you would do anything for my happiness...I know that you are happy when I am happy. I know that you want to see me happy....so Sid, today I want to ask you for something, will you give it to me?" Sid just smiled and slowly nodded, "Don't ever think of leaving me again. I wont be able to take it again. When Armaan left, then you were there, but if you leave then I will di....." She could not finish her sentence when he put her hands over her mouth, "Do you think I am as stupid to leave you behind?...I will take you with me If I ever want to get away from here! I may be immature or childish but not stupid." He finished off with a slight smirk as he slowly kissed her forehead.
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