Joined: 22 June 2010
Okay, we admit it: The ending of tonight's "Gossip Girl" episode "War at the Roses" was fiercely awesome. Everything that came before it, though, was pretty dumb.
The episode revolves around a celebration for Blair's 20th birthday. She is (of course) planning the perfect party, one that will (of course) be ruined as the result of a scheme perpetrated by a "GG" cast member.
This time, though, Blair isn't the one doing the scheming. In fact, she's legally obligated not to. At the beginning of the ep, Nate and Serena have Blair and Chuck sign a literal peace treaty, one that prevents the ex-power couple from plotting to destroy one another. It's an incredibly absurd device, but Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick do manage to sell the hell out of it, so we're not too upset.
In a twist of events, it's Dan who decides to try and take Chuck and Blair down as revenge for what they did to Jenny. He makes two attempts to do so. In the first, he and Eric plant a fake Gossip Girl story about Blair and Jack Bass hooking up. Unfortunately, the seasoned plotters see right through it, so Dan resorts to a Plan B—but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Other conflicts are also set to come to a head at the party. Serena, for example, is still trying to resist Professor Colin until she's no longer his student. Juliet learns about Serena's predicament and gets S to agree to let Juliet "chaperone" her at Blair's party; her job will be to distract Serena when Colin's around. Then Nate convinces Serena to let him chaperone her instead, which puts a wrench in Juliet's plan. Geez, is this girl really so incapable of controlling herself that she needs someone to physically restrain her from having sex with her professor right in the middle of the hors d'oeuvres? Never mind; this is Serena we're talking about.
The party is another hodgepodge of champagne, designer clothes, and random guest stars (Joe Zee! Cynthia Rowley! Jonathan Franzen and Madeline Albright, who are mentioned but not shown!). The entire cast is there—even Chuck, who Blair invited as a gesture of goodwill. Serena tortures herself watching Colin apparently flirt with another girl until Nate calms her down by making her recite the Gettysburg Address.
Nate and Serena's storylines get even more convoluted when young Archibald sees Colin speaking with Juliet, then assumes that they're dating. He also thinks that Colin's name is Ben. After he tells this to Colin, the professor drags Juliet into Blair's kitchen and tells her he can't believe she's been talking to Ben, her jailbird brother. Blair and Nate witness their fight, but neither they nor we understand the back story behind C and J.
Then Dan's (semi-nonsensical) revenge plan goes into motion. Before the party, he called a record executive named Rita and told her that the shindig is a roast. Rita, in turn, comes to the party armed with an embarrassing video of Blair drunkenly serenading Chuck with "Stand By Your Man" after a Robyn concert. Robyn, for some reason, has also come to watch the video play; as a famous recording artist, shouldn't she have better things to do than attend a random fan's birthday party?
The clip embarrasses Blair so much that she rushes away. As she goes, she accidentally pushes Rachel Zoe into a table and causes the diminutive stylist to pour a giant bowl of melted chocolate on her own head. There are no words for this scene.
As Robyn inexplicably performs for Blair's guests, Rita tells Blair that this whole incident was Chuck's doing. Meanwhile, Serena and Colin meet clandestinely in her extremely dark bedroom. She mumbles at him for awhile before confessing that she wants to sleep with him—just not in Blair's apartment.
Blair confronts Chuck, and they argue before Dan reveals that he masterminded the stupid video thing. Rufus, who is standing nearby, tells Dan that he's sorry his son has become "one of them." Right, because Dan never did anything morally iffy before this episode.
Meanwhile, Juliet and Ben, the prisoner with unlimited phone and texting privileges, have a conversation. She tells him that their cousin Colin—the man who apparently pays for her college education—is the professor Serena's dallying with, and that he has no idea Serena is her target. Before we can find out why J and B are trying to get Serena expelled, though, Ben sternly tells Juliet that even if they are related to Colin, they have to use Serena's relationship with him to their advantage.
So Serena and Colin decide not to sleep together after all—but they do kiss in his apartment. And Juliet has apparently managed to install a surveillance camera there, one that happens to be positioned to capture their one kiss. This… is so stupid.
But then! Blair finds that Chuck has been lurking around her apartment, even though she told him to get lost during the party. He tells her that their treaty is over—they can't have an amicable relationship because "friends have to like each other." Blair agrees that she can't stand Chuck, and they go back and forth about how much they hate each other until the music—Robyn's awesome single "Dancing On My Own"—reaches a crescendo and they start making out furiously. Our faith in the show is restored a tiny, tiny bit.
Blair and Chuck continue to be "enemies with benefits." We're crossing our fingers for an hour focused only on that, devoid of any shenanigans involving Juliet or Dan or—shudder—Vanessa. Who's with us
Joined: 16 November 2004
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