Forever....
'Happy Birthday' Raj whispered into my ears. I woke up suddenly, glancing at the clock hanged on the wall to see the time. It was exactly twelve o'clock at midnight and he was awake just to wish me. We have spent five years of our marriage and till today, there hasn't been a slight change in his behavior, his love didn't change on me. Instead it grew deeper, day by day, but is he the only one I love? I know he would be sad if ever he knows the truth about me and for the past five years I have been trying to change my mind.
My closest friends advised me that I need to get married to the one who is in love with me, not the one I love. Raj was the only one I found perfect for me because he loves me dearly and truly, but now I feel that I should have done the opposite. Ranbir was the only one who was able to won my heart, but there are so many differences between Raj and Ranbir.
Ranbir was more of a play boy type while Raj is the opposite. He is always serious about life, which I don't find appealing because life should not always be serious. There are times we need to laugh and have fun, especially at times when we are upset.
The first time I met Ranbir, he was ready to jump into a swimming pool with his friends. It was his manly body that drew my attention to him; his torso was so inviting that I wanted to feel every bit of it with my hands. I was frozen on my steps drooling over him until my friends drag me from there. It was my luck that I got a chance to talk to him after a while as we accidentally met each other on our way to washroom. He was soaked from water and I could have counted the number of water droplets hugging to his body if I wanted to. I too am beautiful according to what I heard about others say about me, so he too could not resist smiling at me, whole heartedly.
I did not reach home, when I received the very first call from him. I was shocked because he called to my mobile, leaving me to wonder how he got my number so soon. We fell in love with each other soon promising that we would be together till eternity. He cared about me more than himself, being my savior all the time and stood for me every time I needed him. A single smile on his face could lighten up day making I go crazy over it without my knowledge.
It was my one of my cousin's birthday I introduced Ranbir to my family with nervousness feeling that my family may reject him. It was one of the happiest days in my life when my family accepted Ranbir to be my life partner and because of my father's sudden death delayed our marriage. His family members visited mine and we lived like a family, hoping that we would be able to tie the knot soon.
There were tones of differences between us as he was from a rich family while I belonged to a middle class family. He has studied so well and I sometimes find it difficult to understand his poetic expressions on me, but I never let him know about it. Sometimes he used to help me to understand things better and it disturbed me a lot, but it wasn't the reason why we are parted. I respected him so much and the limit we kept in between each other made me to fall more into him. He used to send me various messages and love quotes to my phone, and the following is one of those I still remember 'I would never die for your love to prove that I'm a Romeo, but I would live for your love. Anyone could easily die for love, but to live for it is difficult and I would continue to live even if you are not in my life. I would live with your heart forever because I know that no one could ever get your heart back from me.'
His words touched my soul, and I stopped in front of the window to think about the meaningful words he sent to me. I could still remember the various sounds I heard that night while witnessing the busy roads of Delhi. There is nothing we could do when fate decides our way making it intolerable for us. It was almost time for our engagement day when we finally saw the crack in our relationship.
It was a Sunday afternoon we were sitting on a bench in a park while we heard the frightening question from the couple passed away in front of us 'Have you done the thalassemia test?' We heard it like a siren of an ambulance. It was something that we have forgotten and I could never face it again because my brother has lost one of his kids because of it and he still has a child who needs blood. It isn't an easy task though one has money because we could never bear to see our own kids suffer.
Neither of us did say a word about it but decided to do the test on the very next day as we haven't done it yet. We did the test secretly and I saw Ranbir coming out of the hospital with the report and I hid myself and rang to his phone, he looked at his phone but without answering he put it back into his pocket. Why didn't he answer me? He could not bear to tolerate the hurt and was unable to tell me about it. Things worsened when I got my result, shaken me so much with the truth, I too could not call him or even answer him when he called.
We met for one last time and he embraced me in his arms for one last time with tears in his eyes. I cried so much that day knowing that we would not be able to live together and pretended that we both are separated for in front of our families. Knowing that it would be better to hide the truth from our families or else they too would suffer from what we were suffering then. Things happened as we expected that our families become mad at us, helping us to overcome the loss.
Several years has passed after that, still I find it difficult to forget the sweet moments I have spent with Ranbir. I wished that we could have betrayed each other or could have done something else before we parted so that we would never remember each other. He hasn't called me a single time since I got married to Raj and I have no complaints about it, but still he wishes me on my birthdays by sending a message saying 'happy birthday'. I have never replied to him either by saying a thank you or how he was doing, but simply read his wish and move forward with life.
I have started to write poems recently while trying to overcome the emotional despair I have gone through, and luckily I have proved myself being more than enough to write poetry. I am grateful for what Ranbir has done to me, awakening the creativity within me. It is only because of him I am writing this today.
Today I'm happily married to Raj and I am proud to say that he is among one in a million for me, being there for me always and I would always keep him happy never ever let a single crack on his heart because it is with me now. I pray for Ranbir and I am sure he too would still remember me and protect my heart with care and love. To live for ones love is really difficult and it was taught to me by Ranbir. One cannot give her heart to several people; it could be given once only. If the heart belongs to someone else, then one could always give love like me, for me I love my husband dearly though my heart still belongs to Ranbir.
