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syrene

Goldie

syrene

Joined: 08 October 2005

Posts: 1653

Posted: 13 December 2005 at 4:08am | IP Logged
Decades of female foeticide and infanticide have finally caught up with the people of Haryana. With the sex ratio in Rohtak district down to 796 females per 1000 males and the rest of the state faring not much better, young men are desperate to get married but cannot find themselves brides

Two decades of female foeticide and infanticide have finally caught up with the Haryanvis. Thousands of young boys are desperate to get married, but there are no brides available.

Ram Kumar Hooda, member of the panchayat in Bhali village in Rohtak district, turns philosophical when describing this paucity of women. "The scarcity of marriageable girls in our state is akin to the shortage of grain in a famine," he says.

Gyano Devi, the sarpach of Mayna village in Panipat district, was accosted by six lanky Jat boys who warned her, "Tai, we will accept your sarpanchi only if you find brides for us."

The situation is so grim that families are resorting to buying girls from Madhya Pradesh, Bihar and West Bengal and passing them off as members of their own 'biradiri' (community).

Doughty old Bhagwani from Bhali village admits both her grandsons have settled for 'bahus' from Gohra village in the Sagar district of Madhya Pradesh. "What could we do? We consider a boy to have reached marriageable age after he turns 18. My grandsons were 27 and 28 years old. A close relative of ours whose son was 32 found a girl from Sagar district. We decided to follow suit," she says.

Ram Ratri, a woman member of the Bhali panchayat adds, "Polygamy is common in Haryana and men will marry twice and thrice in order to get a male child. I won't be surprised if, due to the shortage of brides, families start reverting to the earlier practice of polyandry where one bride was shared by the male members of a family."

Village elders are horrified at this trend. Balraj, a farmer, says, "With no jobs and no family responsibilities, young boys while their time away playing cards and boozing. We believe a boy gains adulthood at the age of 18. He must be married off by then. But these days, boys are entering their mid-30s and not finding a girl."


this is from a news article

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syrene

Goldie

syrene

Joined: 08 October 2005

Posts: 1653

Posted: 13 December 2005 at 4:10am | IP Logged
under these kind of cirumstances and add to it that more and more women are getting educated and holding jobs and finding their own life partner i wonder how long the despicable system of dowry can sustain?

Minnie

IF-Veteran Member

Minnie

Joined: 20 September 2004

Posts: 8640

Posted: 15 December 2005 at 8:46am | IP Logged
That is the worst part. Even the educated women, themselves earning in lakhs per year do not get to escape the system. If they are unable to stand up to it, what chances do the others have?

Minnie

IF-Veteran Member

Minnie

Joined: 20 September 2004

Posts: 8640

Posted: 15 December 2005 at 8:47am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Vishesh

as far as i am concerned.. i will most probably do the 'love-marriage'..so dowry doesn't come to my mind..

i am just commenting in this topic bcoz

Originally posted by Minnie

   Is there anyone of you out there who can give some justification for it's prevalance even today?

 Please write your views.

i have talked and had a fight with some of my relatives abt this Dowry issue.. and the reason they gave me were..

First let me tell u..why ppl 'GIVE' Dowry..yes..there r ppl who..like to 'Give Dowry'..

1.in old days..(and at some places now too)..the girl was not having any right in Fathers' properties.. so parents generally give a lot of money+ to girl.. (considering her part in properties)..

2.girls' parents + her relatives.. (and boy's relative too).. gives them Presents.. so that..newley-wed couples.. can start their family in easy manner..otherwise they have to purchase many things..cots,utensils,fridge,TV,etc..

3.girl's relative/friends loves her..and on her marriage..they want to give her presents.. these presents collectively goes to 'couples's home' and counted as 'Dowry'..

4.'Don't kill me'..but some girls like their fathers to give dowry... i have seen younger sisters fighting with parents..that..why did they give more dowry to elder sister..and not to her..and vice versa..

5. This Dowry system is encouraged by..some Parents..whose daughters are not beautiful, AND/OR, not educated,fat,divorced,'eloped previously',etc.. or by parents..who want to have 'engineer','doctor'..son-in-law for Stauts-symbol..

Now the views abt .. who likes to 'Take' Dowry..

1. if there are three boys.. age,look nearly similar.. then every parents/girl wants to marry the 'Richest one', or with a 'good job'..or 'whose parents have Big properties..', i have heard this sentence many times.. 'this boy's father has big properties, and this boy is only son..so our girl will do 'Raj'.. So if girl/girl's parents pay so much interest to 'boy's money'... the same happens with Boys too.. they don't know any girl personally..(it's arranged marriage .guys)... so if they find three girls nearly equal ..they go for Big-dowry-giver..

2. one father,whose son lives in another city.. his son-my friend...told his father that he will not take a 'single spoon' in dowry..whereas Girls' father were giving 'Dowry' willingly.. his father gave him argument.. "at ur house..u have many things..which were purchased by my money...so if girl's father wants to contribute from girl's side.. why do u have problem"..

-------------

well guys.. i saw a movie "Dulha Bikta Hai" many years before..when i was a teenager... and i am against Dowry.. these ppl who r asking for50lakhs,1 crore...Must die Bachelors.., but sadly it will not happen..and some or other ppl will marry their daughters to these persons..

in my relatives and town.. ppl are more aware abt this problem..thanks to KSKBT and Ekta-Serials.. now to-be Mothers-in-law are afraid of D-i-l.. and they don't want money..they want a 'Good girl' even with no dowry...

But still some parents with 'not-so-good daughters' are still advertising to give more dowry.. so that.."good boys who are only little bit greedy' can marry their daughters..

-------------

and don't worry guys.. we are having some improvements in "Law n order".. and Girls are more educated now.. and earning too.. and more ppl are falling in love in India... ppl have started to marry outside their castes.. so this problem is being decreased... at least in my Friend-circle..noone advocates Dowry-system..Smile

 That was very well put Vishesh.

 Give me sometime, I am a little busy this week, so I will come back on this later.

 

sweet_shikhs

Groupbie

sweet_shikhs

Joined: 14 December 2005

Posts: 137

Posted: 15 December 2005 at 9:04am | IP Logged
i believe there should be one more column in the matrimonial classifieds for those ppl who want dowry,,,,n that should be matri auction,,,those who will bid highest for the guy,,,guy would be given to that girl,,,,
i really hate this thing,,,that in todays world,,after gaining so much education also ppl r behaving like 17th century in case of dowry,,,
r girls really burden for their parents???

sowmyaa

IF-Dazzler

sowmyaa

Joined: 23 August 2004

Posts: 3658

Posted: 15 December 2005 at 9:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Vishesh

as far as i am concerned.. i will most probably do the 'love-marriage'..so dowry doesn't come to my mind..


i am just commenting in this topic bcoz


Originally posted by Minnie


Is there anyone of you out there who can give some justification for it's prevalance even today?


Please write your views.



i have talked and had a fight with some of my relatives abt this Dowry issue.. and the reason they gave me were..


First let me tell u..why ppl'GIVE' Dowry..yes..there r ppl who..like to 'Give Dowry'..


1.in old days..(and at some places now too)..the girl was not having any right in Fathers' properties.. so parents generally give a lot of money+ to girl.. (considering her part in properties)..


2.girls' parents + her relatives.. (and boy's relative too).. gives them Presents.. so that..newley-wed couples.. can start their family in easy manner..otherwise they have to purchase many things..cots,utensils,fridge,TV,etc..


3.girl's relative/friends loves her..and on her marriage..they want to give her presents.. these presents collectively goes to 'couples's home' and counted as 'Dowry'..


4.'Don't kill me'..but some girls like their fathers to give dowry... i have seen younger sisters fighting with parents..that..why did they give more dowry to elder sister..and not to her..and vice versa..


5. This Dowry system is encouraged by..some Parents..whose daughters are not beautiful, AND/OR, not educated,fat,divorced,'eloped previously',etc.. or by parents..who want to have 'engineer','doctor'..son-in-law for Stauts-symbol..


Now the views abt .. who likes to 'Take' Dowry..


1. if there are three boys.. age,look nearly similar.. then every parents/girl wants to marry the 'Richest one', or with a 'good job'..or 'whose parents have Big properties..', i have heard this sentence many times.. 'this boy's father has big properties, and this boy is only son..so our girl will do 'Raj'.. So if girl/girl's parentspay so much interest to 'boy's money'... the same happens with Boys too.. they don't know any girl personally..(it's arranged marriage .guys)... so if they find three girls nearly equal ..they go for Big-dowry-giver..


2. one father,whose son lives in another city.. his son-my friend...told his father that he will not take a 'single spoon' in dowry..whereas Girls' father were giving 'Dowry' willingly.. his father gave him argument.. "at ur house..u have many things..whichwere purchased by my money...so if girl's father wants to contribute from girl's side.. why do u have problem"..


-------------


well guys.. i saw a movie "Dulha Bikta Hai" many years before..when i was a teenager... and i am against Dowry.. these ppl who r asking for50lakhs,1 crore...Must die Bachelors.., but sadly it will not happen..and some or other ppl will marry their daughters to these persons..


in my relatives and town.. ppl are more aware abt this problem..thanks to KSKBT and Ekta-Serials.. now to-be Mothers-in-law are afraid of D-i-l.. and they don't want money..they want a 'Good girl' even with no dowry...


But still some parents with 'not-so-good daughters' are still advertising to give more dowry.. so that.."good boys who are only little bit greedy' can marry their daughters..


-------------


and don't worry guys.. we are having some improvements in "Law n order".. and Girls are more educated now.. and earning too.. and more ppl are falling in love in India... ppl have started to marry outside their castes.. so this problem is being decreased... at least in my Friend-circle..noone advocates Dowry-system..Smile



Clap Vishesh, Very well and logically explained.

ManishaRox

IF-Dazzler

ManishaRox

Joined: 22 March 2005

Posts: 2611

Posted: 26 December 2005 at 12:51pm | IP Logged
I would like to explain my opinon in a story so here it goes:

A father has one daughter and one son! Both son and daughter have the difference in age of 1 year. They are both Handsome and pretty, they both eat, drink, sleep, love, hate and do sins however, when t comes to the term of give and take (Dowry). The girl's parents (Just call the girl Sundari)- Sundari's parents have to pay for her! The boy's (Sundari and Rahul's parnets) Parents don't have to give a single penny! Why? How exactly are men better then woman. Just because the woman goes to the husbands house she doesn't become a burden! She helps keep the house tidy, helps maintain then dignity of the family, but the lazy boy stays at home and spends his time at home doing nothing! Why exact ly then should the girl be called a burden and the man get away from everything! A woman goes through many experiences- she has to do the hard work 9She maintaina thr dignity of the family, she care's for her husband's parents then why should she be treated like dirt! The boy gets drunk etc however, the parents don't say anything the girl does it, she is kicked out of the house! Why does everyone have to treat a girl that way, She is not a burden she is the live of every house! She gives birth to kids and gives the word Love a profound meaning so why should she be called the burden! If there were no woman Men wouldn't be born! Every woman has the right to live without being provoked feeling of being Dirt! She has the right to live without being called dirt! She should get treated exactly the way a man gets treated! I don't personalyl have that problem my parents treat my brtoehr and me equally. Dowry is given to the girl so she can settle in life and can support her husband through her dowry. The dowry is given at the start of marriage to facilitate the couple, not to make the groom's parents rich whilst treating the girl unequally. Dead Angry

rebelqueen

Senior Member

rebelqueen

Joined: 15 November 2005

Posts: 576

Posted: 27 December 2005 at 7:37am | IP Logged

Originally posted by miss.england02

I would like to explain my opinon in a story so here it goes:

A father has one daughter and one son! Both son and daughter have the difference in age of 1 year. They are both Handsome and pretty, they both eat, drink, sleep, love, hate and do sins however, when t comes to the term of give and take (Dowry). The girl's parents (Just call the girl Sundari)- Sundari's parents have to pay for her! The boy's (Sundari and Rahul's parnets) Parents don't have to give a single penny! Why? How exactly are men better then woman. Just because the woman goes to the husbands house she doesn't become a burden! She helps keep the house tidy, helps maintain then dignity of the family, but the lazy boy stays at home and spends his time at home doing nothing! Why exact ly then should the girl be called a burden and the man get away from everything! A woman goes through many experiences- she has to do the hard work 9She maintaina thr dignity of the family, she care's for her husband's parents then why should she be treated like dirt! The boy gets drunk etc however, the parents don't say anything the girl does it, she is kicked out of the house! Why does everyone have to treat a girl that way, She is not a burden she is the live of every house! She gives birth to kids and gives the word Love a profound meaning so why should she be called the burden! If there were no woman Men wouldn't be born! Every woman has the right to live without being provoked feeling of being Dirt! She has the right to live without being called dirt! She should get treated exactly the way a man gets treated! I don't personalyl have that problem my parents treat my brtoehr and me equally. Dowry is given to the girl so she can settle in life and can support her husband through her dowry. The dowry is given at the start of marriage to facilitate the couple, not to make the groom's parents rich whilst treating the girl unequally. Dead Angry

 

hey i think that u've put it really well...i totally agree....but only if r ancestors had this much sense so as to protect the future generations-then we wud not have 2 c this day

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