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Debate Mansion
Debate Mansion


-Believe- IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 03 December 2005
Posts: 25721

Posted: 05 January 2006 at 9:36pm | IP Logged
Life is too short. I say go the divorce way, if there is nothing else you can do to make it work, no need to suffer in silence. Embarrassed

Willows Senior Member

Joined: 26 December 2005
Posts: 456

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 12:20am | IP Logged
Originally posted by pj04

Discussion of the week


          Recent surveys show that there has been a exponential increase in divorces, especially in family oriented societies like INDIA and MIDEAST. what do you think are the reasons of this increase, is it assertion of feminine power, changing lifestyle which is becoming more individualistic ,or simply more materialistic desires.what do you think will be the future impact of this on the society(surveys show that the offsprings of a broken marraige have higher incidence of having unsucessful relationships in thier own lives)

I believe following are some of the reasons for increase in divorces….

The first and foremost is drastic fall in the tolerance levels, we are becoming more and more intolerant, and in couples also most of the small arguments ends up in fights, and this fights are breeding ground for separation.

Value System: in earlier times due to joint families, the value systems was not only intact but was practiced on daily basis as matter of routine, and their was emotional support system in place, today due to various factors people choose to stay alone and most of the times both the couples are working and hence the child is also left to care of baby sitter or nanny, hence the values are no more cherished or practiced.

Independence: In today world where both husband and wife are working, they are financially independent, this makes them feel that they can manage any situation and do not mind the drastic step of separation even when the things can be solved amicably.

Edited by Willows - 06 January 2006 at 1:33am
hazelgirl IF-Rockerz

Joined: 25 June 2005
Posts: 5745

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 12:23am | IP Logged
i feel divorces are arising cos there is less adjustment and compromise..
every onw wants their own life devoid of anyone's interference....
now in marriages its basically you and me,,,not we Tongue Tongue Tongue
-SooSweet- Goldie

Joined: 20 October 2005
Posts: 2410

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 12:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Believe

Life is too short. I say go the divorce way, if there is nothing else you can do to make it work, no need to suffer in silence. Embarrassed

If the mind set is like that nothing works Divorce........Then you cant have a peaceful life.
You should always have it in your mind this is my family my husband and my kids you wont go for Divorce.a good human has to face all difficulties.God ahs given you one life one parents .why r u trying to have multiple life partner.Some gone cases will be there to whom we cant live at all,in such least  cases you can think abt that.
mad_cap IF-Rockerz

Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 6268

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 1:15am | IP Logged
Trying to figure out why divorce rates are on the rise, I think these may be some, if not all the causes.

The most common cause are those centred around affective qualities of the relationship including communication problems. And with increasing lack of communications, a situation arises where it becomes like 'just two people growing apart'. And the communication problems lead to an array of situations connected with emotional erosion in the relationship - not being understood, feeling that needs are not being met, loss of affection and companionship, feeling lonely and unappreciated.

Sometimes it arises from expectations not being met. The couple had high expectations before marriage, but somehow, they were not realsed after marriage.

Another reason is infedility. This in turn leads to a breakdown of the emotional closeness and companionship dimensions of relationships that define marriage.

An important factor, especially with context to India is abusive behaviours and personality traits. Included in this category are alcohol and drug use problems, jealousy, dominance, immaturity, gambling , physical and emotional violence, and mental illness. Jealousy and dominance play a major role in broken marital relations. Often one takes his/her partner for granted, and expects him/her to do as he/she wants. One forgets that their partner is also an individual and requires a certain degree of space and freedom which should not be interfered with. Also a number of divorces arise due to physical violence and emotional abuse by any partner. And this abuse may not be limited to the spouse, but may extend to the children also.

Other factors like work pressure, financial problems, mental and physical illness also contribute. Most commonly it arises from disagreements over appropriate gender roles and the allocation of work and family tasks, and autonomy and independence in the relationship.

In India, interference from in laws leading to break up of marriages is also common.
sosweet IF-Rockerz

Joined: 11 August 2005
Posts: 6616

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 3:15am | IP Logged

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Willows Senior Member

Joined: 26 December 2005
Posts: 456

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 3:56am | IP Logged

Originally posted by sosweet

divorce is a dreaded word for some, it is like virtually breaking a heart but for some it is very easy to walk away with you best companion without having any second thoughts, the reasons for high rise in divorce is this, attitude, today everyone is working and independent enough to fend for himself and hence the relationships have become like material things have it and dispose off when it ultility is over, every relationship today seems to have a expiry date though not predecided but in the process, i believe till the time values, attitudes do not change, we will become like any other developed society

hard hitting statement Clapbut trueClap,i totally agree with you for some people breaking off is as easy and for some one even the thought is shivering, i also agree with the expiry date, today the relationship are not long lasting due to various factors as already discussed by all of above. 

Edited by Willows - 06 January 2006 at 3:57am
Rindam Senior Member

Joined: 24 October 2005
Posts: 821

Posted: 06 January 2006 at 1:25pm | IP Logged
To be honest I dont know how objective I can be about this but these are my feelings and views only-

Maybe the choice to bail out on your marriage is like Willows very correctly pointed out, that the tolerance is lower. Expectations are high, possibly unreal even. High expectations can be met but unrealistic ones cannot. And as people we are selfish, everyone is and was. There could be several reasons why people what to opt out. Divorce is not something anyone wants to happen or chooses the option without atleast some deliberation especially when children are involved. If they are then something is seriously wrong.

But one question I think many dont ask themselves before they run out is

would I bail out on my son or daughter if our relationship reached this point.
Would I tolerate this, would I stop caring about them? Would I stop to help them?
Would I stop saying Happy Diwali to them?
Would I stop praying for them?

If the honest answer is yes to most of the above then yes go for it. Yes, opting out of marraige if the challenges really mount and have fatal or serious consequences, should always be recommended. And these cases are not few, many people put up with abuse and trauma just to sustain their marriage and that is probably not OK and probably not marraige at all. If this population has now started opting out I dont see it as something one can control or negate or reverse.

But on the other hand the population that is opting out for better dreams should try to make their dreams possible with their partner. Or why the hell did you get married in the first place. One doesnt get everything in life, dissapointments happen, they happen with everyone. But if your spouse dissapoints you let go. Why? Teach him how not to dissapoint you or dissapoint him back. Dont leave, not yet.

One should not associate marriage with only one emotion or one word, Love or Togetherness or some pre concieved notion. Marraige is just that, Marraige, it has its own word for it for a reason. If not they would asked you be "loved" or be "together" , not be "married".

And once that has happened, think that you are stuck, yes STUCK, literally. Think about it. And dont give up, atleast fight for it, show some spirit.

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