Joined: 11 September 2009
Joined: 11 September 2009
I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three
Beginning of a new day, everyone has new dreams, destinations, plans in this fresh day but my life was like just stoped three months back. The whole incident was as fresh as it's happened an hour ago, which changes my life in such a way that m still couldn't believe it, it just looks like a dream. The smile of whom make me feel that I m alive is now varnished and m helpless, not knowing what to do. Y this all happened to me? What was our mistake? Oh God y? These were the question that I ask daily but have no answer.
Again today when I woke up he was standing near the windows, unaware of his surroundings, n was in a world of deep thoughts. I have not seen him sleeping in the morning after that incident.
M: uth bhi ja na ab, mein tery waja sy roz late hota hon.
S: sony do na 2 minute or plz.
Samrat who was as usual annoyed by the same issue everyday said angrily covering his face by the pillow
M: uth ja m asking u last time. The bucket of water is ready.
S: kabhi kabhi mujhy lagta hy mujhy army join krny chahiye thy, wo log itna torture nae karty jitna tu krta hy
Samrat asked waking up angrily as he don't have a second option.
M: its really my dream k kabhi subha mery ankh kholy or tjhy already jaga hua paon.
S: some dreams never comes true and its one of them.
Samrat said yawning n moving towards the wash room.
I know today my words come true but I was unaware that when this day will come it would be as painful for me.
M: samrat kya soch raha hy?
Samrat turn to see him already awake stirring at him
S: m ready. To bhi ready ho kar neechy aa ja.
By saying this he moves out of the room.
N mayank standing over there compare his brother with the person he knows in past
M: pehly bol raha tha uth ja to utha nae or ab pichly adhy ghanty sy tujhy ye samajh nae aa raha k which shirt u should wear??? V r already late.
S: han to tery tarha to nae hon, mon dhoya jon sy shirt hath mein aa gae pehny or chala gya. I have to maintain my image too.
Samrat said while searching his cupboard.
M: yar dekh to jo bhi pehny ga acha lagy ga. Itna time kyun zaya kar raha hy.
Samrat just ignored what he said.
M: log kehty hein larkiyan tiar hony mein time lgaty hein, jis din wo tujh sy milly history badal jae gy.
S: han that's fine. Now stop all this n start the car, mein 5 minute mein tiar ho kar aya.
M: ok jaldi ana 5 minute means 5 minutes.
S: uff kitna bolta hy. Kabhi kabhi to lagta hy he is doing bachelor in advicing others. God
M: kahan reh gaya aa bhi jaa.
S: ahhhhhhhhh ye larka! aa raha hn
A tear escaped from his eyes.
M: Y God y u have done this. I have no one in this life except him. I want him back as he was before. Now I cant tolerate it any more. Y u have changed our life like this. Plz God listen to me, plz help me. U r the only one who can help me, who can reduce my pain, plz.
M: I only want the answer kya wo thek ho ga, can he be out of this fear ever in his life???
D: I have told u before v r trying our level best. Its difficult for him to come out of this situation. Hum jo kar sakty hein hum kar rahy hein, but he should also try , he should fight with his inner fear.
M: kya krn mein I couldn't see him like this
D: I could understand ur position but give him time a day will come when he will win against his fear.
M: ok doc thanks I will wait till my death.
Mayank by saying this left the cabin with a little hope in his eyes.
S: I m going on a party at my friend's place. Tum chalo gy.
M: mery pass time nae hy I have a lot of work to do
Mayank said doing his assignment
S: ok as u wish
Samart left the room
In the party
Samrat was with his best friend chashmish unaware of the fact that next moment will change his life totally.
S: chashmish tum ny btaya nae when will be our next date?
S: what ???
But suddenly his mobile starts ringing.
S: mayank's call
S: hello. Tery itni bad timming kyun hy??? I have told u na no calls m no more a kid.
S: ok just avoid it mein jaldi aa jao ga. Will drive safely fine now???
M: samart wo mama papa are back
S: ok get it yar to to ghar par hy na control kar ly na sub mein jaldi aa jaon ga. Ok don't disturb me now.
M: to abhi ghar aa ja plz
S: y r u sounding so low yar. Papa scolded u because of me. Ok sorry but whats new in this???
Samrat said controlling his laughter
M: just shut up. Har baat joke nae hoty I want u back within fifteen minute
Mayank throw his mobile with full force on the floor, crying badly
S: isy kya ho gya???
G: kya hua samrat??
S: don't know but I have to go home now. Come on I will drop u.
Samrat dropped her n was moving towards his home with many confusions in his mind. Mayank ko ho kya gya???
Samrat reached home. There was a complete silence everywhere. His heart started beating badly, a strange feeling of pain covered him. He was not aware what happened but now he was atleast knew that everthing is not fine. The environment is not as calm as it was before. He hold the door handle n was about to open it but some weird terror was warning him. But now he did it he opened the door immediately n the first scene makes his condition ever worst. No this is not true m I dreaming or what. No this couldn't be true.
Then suddenly the wind blow n the white sheet, covering both the dead bodies, moves away. Now he can see the dead bodies of his parents both badly covered by blood as they have taken a bath with blood.
Samrat started loosing all his strength. He tried his best to control himself. He was about to fall when a hand takes a hold of him n protect him .
Mayank's condition was also the same but he knew that he should be strong enough for the sake of his brother as he knew the fact that he is over sensitive about his family. Mayank hugged him tightly, trying to control his tears but in vain. Samrat was standing still there was not a single move or change in his gesture.
First time samrat's expressions confusing him a lot. He wanna talk to him but he has to left him against his wish for the preparation of last journey of their parents.
When the time of their parents departure arrive. Mayank see him but he was not there. He moved towards there room n samrat was sitting on the floor n his facial expression was the same.
Mayanks heart started aching even more badly. On the one hand was his parents n his only strength his brother was not in condition to accept the situation. Tears that he was trying to hide in front of his brother came out breaking all the limits.
He moved towards him n hugged him tightly. Samrat who was sitting like a dead body also start crying hugging him back. Mayank unbroke the hug n put his hands gently on his face wipping out his tears.
M: plz samrat control urself, it's a bad time I know but we both should be strong enough to face the reality.
Mayank trying to calm him down, but the truth was that his words were not even satisfactory for his ownself.
S: ye sub kyun ho gya, itna sub kuch kesy ho gya. Plz mayank un ko bolo na they cannot left us alone, they cannot leave us like that. Unhy bolo na wapis aa jaein plz mayank unhy bolo na. Mery baat wo kabhi bhi nae talty mein khud un sy baat krta hn.
By saying this he left the room running towards his parents.
S: how can u do this. Parent always think about their children to ap ny kyun nae socha humary bary mein. Plz don't do this, promise I will not irritate to any further but mujhy itni bary saza to mat dein. How could u leave us like that how could u HOW COULD U.
One month after their death
Mayank n nupur were moving towards the class when suddenly a boy came
B: mayank wo samrat become unconscious suddenly while playing BB. Gunjun is there n she is calling u.
A ray of pain passes through him n he rushes towards the BB court
Mayank saw him looking really anxious. He was not looking good at all. He was looking horrified of something but what he couldn't get.
He fastly approaches him
M: what happened? How r u feeling now? Wait I will call a doctor.
S: no its not needed m fine. I wanna go home
Mayank wanna say something but then he thinks its not the right time to ask him anything.
M: ok come.
Four of them reached home. Samrat fastly moved towards his room without talking to anyone.
Mayank asked gunjun about what happened
G: I don't know I was reading a book suddenly I saw him standing really tense, as I approached him he was sweating badly n his facial expression was changing continuosly as was thinking about something really panic. Then suddenly he start loosing control of his body n faints.
M: oh god mein kya krn. Firsly his attitude was unbearable for me n now this. Ye sub mery sath hy kyun. Now m tired m really tired of all this. When I wanted to be strong a new problem make me weak. Now what will I do.
N: mayank just relax. He was playing after a long time may b because of that.
M: nae nupur kuch to hony wala hy.mujhy nae lagta ab kuch bhi thek ho ga. Mein samrat sy baat kr k aya.
Mayank entered the room seeing him sitting on the bed. It looks that millions of thoughts are torturing him prolonging the agony. He looks me and give me a smile or truely speaking a fake smile, only to confort me. But he was also aware that this smile is not enough to calm me, to make me satisfy.
M: I have called a doctor n u
S: I don't need anyone to itna pareshan kyun ho raha hy everything is fine.
M: I want this so plz
Samrat didn't reply as he was aware that no one can change mayank's decission right now.
M: doctor everything fine na???
Mayank ask after gaining a lot of courage as he was not ready to hear anything that he not want to happen.
D: he is absolutely fine.
D: I think u should consult a psychiatrist
The words of doctor was echoing in his mind. He was unable to understand the meaning.
M: another step to pass. But mein usy kesy btaon ga? Wo kya sochy ga m thinking he is psycho or is mentally ill. But I should do this for his sake. But will he understand me? Agar wo mujhy galat samjha to''''''
Now what I will do
Whole night same questions were in his mind. He was unable to decide what to do
But finally it looks that he got the answer, he knew a solution.
Next day at night
on the dinning table
samrat was looking towards his plate not in mood to eat anything.
M: samrat wo'' mera dost aa raha hy kal, I want u to meet him
Samrat looked towards him
S: kn sa dost???
M: wo hy aik friend mein usy tujh sy milwana chahta hn
S: seedhy tarha naam bta na. Mujhy nae yaad tery kisi dost ko mein nae janta
M: nae abhi hy dosty hue hy new friend hy to nae janta
By saying this he left the dinning table n start moving towards the stairs. Before putting his step up, he turned around, looked towards mayank
S: next time agar mujhy kisi psychiatrist sy milwana ho to usy apna dost bnany ki koi zarorat nae hy
By saying this he left from there leaving mayank amazed n worried at the sametime. How he knew all that? He left from there towards the room seeing him sleeping
M: samrat mujhy tujh sy baat krny hy
M: are u listening me I wanna talk to u
M: samrat mujhy pta hy to jag raha hy so drama krna band kar
Samrat get up n maynk sat beside him
M: mujh sy naraz hy???
S: mein kyun tjh sy naraz hon ga???
M: samrat mein ye sub
S: mery liey kar rahy ho i know. Mein ny tujh sy kuch kaha???
M: nahy kaha isi lie to m feeling bad
S: I know doctor said u to do this m aware of this, y u feeling sad. I also know that m not normal like u all
M: samrat. Just stop this non sense
Samrat gave a smile
S: this is truth mayank. Tum is lie nahy keh sakty because u r my bro na, u feel bad but sub ko to yehy lagta hy na, n I respect their opinion because somewhere I also knew that they r right
M: samrat its enough now just avoid it
S: I love this concern about me in ur eyes.
Samrat said changing the topic
S: Now good night humy kal psychiatrist k pass bhi jana hy
Mayank left the room with tears in his eyes
M: I know to mery lie kar raha hy na sub kuch. I can see the pain in ur eyes. Mein ny kyun kia ye sub. I should know k jab tujhy pta chaly ga to kitny takleef ho gy tujhy. I should think of it too
Tears were escaping through his eyes continosly n it was impossible for him to control them.
samrat was sitting behind mayank with an unknown feeling that was making him uneasy.
D: can I talk to him alone
Mayank was to leave when samrat hold his hand tightly
S: nops I want him to be here with me plz
D: ok as u wish, so mr.samrat how r u?
S: is question ka answer to ap dein gy na
D: ok be comfortable just like u r talking to ur friend
S: I hate such things. Don't try to make me confortable fine. M ok, just ask the questions n let me go.
D: ok but sometimes it become difficult to tolerate clearcut questions, mayank ny mujhy btaya ap k bary mein. What make u uneasy that day. It reminds u what?
Samrat was sitting without physical sensation, lacking any sign of life. Now he believes its really difficult to bear a clearcut question. The incident of past were rotating in his mind like they happened now, his heart was throbbing like hell.
Samrat suddenly stands with thousands of thoughts in his mind left the place without saying a single word n reahed home without informing mayank.
After reaching home
S: noooooooo I can't do this, y only me, y no one understands what I wants. Or may be I cannot understand what other wants. Oh God plz let me die, the pain of death is to be tolerate once but I couldn't bear this torture again everday, every second it looks that m living in hell, y I couldn't come out of it WHYYYYYYYYY
He started crying badly sitting on his feet
S: oh man Mayank to abhi aa jae ga agar us ny mujhy asy dekha to, firstly our parents left us n now if I will do this then he will be alone. No I will tolerate this, only for him, for his happiness
He wiped out his tears n move towards his room to take a bath
Mayank arrived home with a nervousness that how will I face him, how will I talk to him.
By thinking this he reached the room, samrat was standing near the window. Mayank put his hand on his shoulder
M: samrat wo
S: the BLOOD
S: in the BB court the blood coming out of his head reminds me of'''.
M: of what???
S: the blood covering the body of our parents, blood that snatch our world our parents from us, the blood because of which v r alone
He hugged mayank tightly crying badly
S: blood makes me frighten, it reminds me of our lose, it reminds me of our misery. It reminds me of my defeat my helplessness. It makes me fragile, it snatch all my strength mayank it makes me weak,it makes me weak.
Mayank hugged him tight to confort him, but meanwhile his own eyes were wet
M: nupur I know he is in pain, or mein ye bhi janta ho k m the reason of this pain, he has done all this because of me
S: I know wo ye sub mery lie kar raha hy mein us sy naraz nae hn shaid agar mein us ki jaga hota to yehi karta
N: mayank agar tum us ki jaga hoty to tumhy bura lagta, nae na to phir tum ye kyun sochty ho k usy bura laga ho ga
M: nupur wo bachpan sy hy asa hy over sensitive, usy ye sub buhut hurt krta hy, wo mery jasa nae hy
S: kash mein us jesa hota chashmish, I wish jis tarha wo mery strength hy mein bhi us ko defend krta but m only increasing his problems na
G: samrat he is ur brother n u r his strength don't forget that n one day u will get it
N: he will get it one day that u are doing all this for him don't be tense
M: par us din k any tak kya nupur??? I couldn't see him like that, he always try to think about me, he always wants to smile in front of me. Wo apni har taqleef mujh sy chupata hy.
S: mein jitna marzi us sy chupa lon chashmish lekin wo mujhy janta hy shaid mujh sy bhi ziada, usy lagta hy mein us ki waja sy hurt ho raha hn lekin mujhy dukh hota hy usy mery lie itni taqleef mein dkh kar
G: samrat just calm down everthing will be fine.
Mayank entered the room searching for something in his cupboard
Samrat who was sitting on the bed said opening his eyes
Mayank turned to face him
S: mayank wo
M: han bol na
S: nae kuch nae
M: bol dy warna tujhy pury raat neend nae ae gy
Mayank said with a smile on his face
Samrat leave the bed n come towards him, hugging him tight. Mayank was surpriced by his sudden act n hugged him back
S: mayank agar tum mery life mein nae hoty to mein kya krta. U r the best bro of this world.
M: n u r the worst
S: I know
M: oh really
Samrat broke the hug n give a mischief smile with a new determination in his eyes
For mayank this was the best day. After three months he had seen him smilling just like before
M: ( in mind ) today I have seen my old samrat back. I know now u will defeat ur fear very soon. My bro is back. Tum soch bhi nae sakty tmhary is smile k lie meny kitna wait kia
S: chashmish m coming to pick u be ready within 5 minutes
S: chashmish I am really excited today
G: kyun? Asa kya hua
S: that I don't know. But kuch to zaroor hua.
Gunjun was going to say something but a sudden break stops her
G: kya hua samrat
She asked him but his eyes was frozen at the scene in front of him. He rushed out of his car.
Boy: aj to ton nae bachy ga
By saying this he made a cut on mayank's arm
Mayank shocked seeing him standing over there n forget the pain of his arm
M: no not again. What he is doing here. No I don't want to him to break again. Why this all happened now? Oh man when I think that he is close to live a pleasurable life, life moves one step back. Not again plz God not this time
The vision in front of samrat's eyes was unbearable for him, he hold the hand of his chashmish strongly to overcome his pain but in vain. All the happening of past started rotating in his mind.
G: samrat be stong. Don't let urself break. Today u have to prove that u can defend him too. Don't let those feelings suffer ur present. Three months before u lost ur parents, today if u will not overcome ur fear, u will lose him too
Samrat closes his eyes
i cannot see my life suffer in front of my eyes, No I have to face this not for me but for the one who believes in me when I have ceased to believe in my ownself, who encourage me to grow, to fight with my weakness, who hold my hand tightly when everyone was laughing on me, whose voice let me forget all the worries, the one who is more than a superhero the one who is the best my brother
He rushed towards him with a new determination losing his inner fear n hold the hand of the person who was going to insert the knife in mayank's body
S: bad day, don't even dare to touch him.
He snatch the knife n pushed him badly
He take a hold of mayank's arm n clean the blood with the arm of his shirt
n start beating the boys badly.
M: samrat just stop it yar its enough
S: nops mayank how dare they even touching u
M: samrat just let them go
But samrat was not in mood to listen n was beating the boys badly
Mayank take a hold of him n shouted
M: JUST STOP IT
All the goons ran from there
Samrat turned towards mayank n hold his arm gently with wet eyes
Then he take out his handkerchief n bind it tightly to mayank's hand, who had tears in his eyes
S: buhut dard kar raha hy
M: nae bilkul nae dard kar raha
S: tujhy kya lagta hy to boly ga to mein man lon ga
M: ok actually thora sa dukh raha hy
Samrat just hugged him tight
S: thank you
M: mujhy lagta hy is time this should be my line right. Y r u saying thanks??
S: for being my brother, for everything u have done for me.
No doubt that was a beginning of a new life for us filled with happiness. It doesn't means that v lived happily ever after, there was ups n downs in our life but now v were aware that v r strength of each other n thus can face every trouble together.
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