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Leaving your wife because she can't conceive (Page 6)

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return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posts: 20454

Posted: 29 June 2010 at 10:24pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by souro

Originally posted by return_to_hades

I don't think it is right for a man to leave a woman who cannot conceive. Nor is it right for a woman to leave a man who is shooting blanks.

How about shifting the debate to something more appropriate for todays times.

If a couple cannot conceive - what is the better alternative
1) Adoption
2) Spend money on fertility treatment

If the issue is with the man - what is the better alternative
1) Adoption
2) Sperm donor

If the latter. Should it be
a) anonymous donor
b) Involved donor

If the woman cannot carry pregnancy to term
1) Adopt
2) Find a surrogate

This is trickier as obviously a surrogate cannot be anonymous. What is the role of the surrogate? There is also the matter of defining motherhood. What is motherhood, conception, carrying to term or raising a child?

You are clearly biasing the response. When you're giving options to a respondent you have to give all the available options and in this case, one of the option happens to be marriage to another person who is fertile. Since, it's a very much valid alternative, so you can't just omit it because you don't want respondents to choose that option.


Of course one option people face is leaving their spouse or significant other. Infertility and impotence are grounds for divorce. For some people one's own child with spouse and sexual satisfaction are imperative in marriage and if it is important enough a person will choose divorce. However, unlike adultery it is not covered under 'fault divorce'.  It falls under 'no fault' divorce and both parties have to mutually agree. So it definitely is an easy divorce. However, lying about infertility, impotence or desire to have children can be grounds for annulment. That is the marriage becomes void and there is no divorce settlement, alimony etc.

The problem with 'leaving spouse' in certain parts of India is that the husband simply abandons the wife or has a second marriage or a keep. The legally wedded wife never gets the fair legal share. Also social stigma prevents women from getting a divorce if men are infertile or impotent.

Personally, to me children and sex life both should be discussed before marriage and have tests conducted if somethings are important to the other person. Get that bridge out of the way first hand.

Either way legally marriage is a contract between two people and the contract can be voided when the result is not satisfactory.

Morally and socially however, marriage is supposed to be a very committed bond and if such things will be grounds for divorce - a person should not be marrying and taking those vows in the first place.

However, I wanted to add that you have misunderstood my intent behind these options. No it is not to remove leaving the spouse as an option. It is very much an option as long as people have a divorce legally, properly and fairly under the extent of the law.

My intent was to draw attention to the choices faced by couples who choose to stay together in such situations.  Not all people can spend money on IVF - there is a choice to be weighed between expenses of IVF vs the desire of ones own child. Similarly if IVF and other methods do not work - what is the better solution in these cases. The choices are not as easy as they seem. Neither adoption or choosing a sperm donor/surrogate is an easy option. So my intent was purely to debate the pros and cons, social/legal implications of these options, not to eliminate one choice.

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Posted: 29 June 2010 at 11:35pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Sneha

Originally posted by Summer3

Originally posted by -Sneha

Originally posted by Believe

Originally posted by Summer3

Originally posted by P1nk

Some guy told me If I marry him and find out I cant pop any babies he will marry again and expect me to live with her under the same roof [honestly], I told him I hope his sack gets burned so no one will ever marry him.
 
 
Sometimes it is the guy at fault. --- What about Religion!!!? And WHAT about religion?
 
 
anyway what is the big deal, just adopt a kid;
There are so many homeless and need help.
 
Religion is secondary . -- Bcos of different cultural or religious beliefs people never try new technologies..!.
A good person is good no matter what religion. --Agree
 
It also depends at what age the child is adopted.
 if very young she should follow the religion of the parents adopting her.



My "what about religion?" in red was sarcastic... Just by the way! LOL  ---sarcastic comment loading  wait Wink...........................70%.


Who cares about religion? Of course, many couples would prefer a kid coming from their community perhaps, so that later on in life, both parties could avoid bizarre and embarrassing questions or situation from outsiders. Personally, to me, it would have made an iota of difference. Doesn't your child learn religion from you only? If tomorrow I grow him acting as if I am a Muslim or Christian rather than a Hindu, he'll only be following my steps. What's religion for him except a culture he's being imbibed by his parent(s)?

When we ask such questions, it's like today religion, tomorrow skin color, and day after God knows what... Can't we just transcend those barriers of caste,creed and color and push our limits for once? That Muslim child you opted against could have had better innate humanitarian qualities than the Hindu one you opted for.
 
Most of the people really want to raise their biological child, or "their own" child, thats the fact but in many religious communities, infertility is still considered a "taboo" topic...Many women fear that they will be blamed for their infertility or that they are being punished for past wrongdoings. However, this is not the case. Infertility is a medical condition and should be treated as such...I know many people still feel to do IVF is against their belief, Many religious "scholars"  talk against the new medical technologies,they not realize how their statements effect entire lives?!Confused

mind-googling

Goldie

mind-googling

Joined: 07 October 2009

Posts: 1244

Posted: 29 June 2010 at 11:51pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -JONAKI-

Leaving your wife because she can't conceive

Why can't you conceive a different kind of topic?

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Beyond_the_Veil

Beyond_the_Veil

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Posts: 11596

Posted: 30 June 2010 at 1:36am | IP Logged
THE ACCOUNT OF THE MEMBER WHO POSTED THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY BANNED.

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Monika__29Fair-n-luvlybaz786

Mindbender

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Posts: 15873

Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:04am | IP Logged
Originally posted by PhoeniXof_Hades

The next few topics:

1) Is it okay to burn your bahu if her husband dies?
2) Should women be forced to remain inside the house?
3) Can women work outside without her husband's will?
4) Are women superior to men?
5) How far has feminism reached?
6) Is marital rape wrong?
7) Are mother-in-laws cruel in nature?
8) Should a wife remain with an unfaithful husband?
9) Why do men cheat on their women so much?

I can go on...
LOL Kya ho gaya POH? Sab theek thaak?LOL

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Summer3

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Joined: 24 September 2007

Posts: 44226

Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Mindbender

Originally posted by PhoeniXof_Hades

The next few topics:

1) Is it okay to burn your bahu if her husband dies?
2) Should women be forced to remain inside the house?
3) Can women work outside without her husband's will?
4) Are women superior to men?
5) How far has feminism reached?
6) Is marital rape wrong?
7) Are mother-in-laws cruel in nature?
8) Should a wife remain with an unfaithful husband?
9) Why do men cheat on their women so much?

I can go on...
LOL Kya ho gaya POH? Sab theek thaak?LOL
Other topics
 
How to burn your bride legally
How to murder your mother in law
How many times should a man remarryLOL

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

Monika__29baz786

*Woh Ajnabee*

IF-Sizzlerz

*Woh Ajnabee*

Joined: 15 September 2007

Posts: 22667

Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:08am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Mindbender

Originally posted by PhoeniXof_Hades

The next few topics:

1) Is it okay to burn your bahu if her husband dies?
2) Should women be forced to remain inside the house?
3) Can women work outside without her husband's will?
4) Are women superior to men?
5) How far has feminism reached?
6) Is marital rape wrong?
7) Are mother-in-laws cruel in nature?
8) Should a wife remain with an unfaithful husband?
9) Why do men cheat on their women so much?

I can go on...
LOL Kya ho gaya POH? Sab theek thaak?LOL


He's conducting a study on the effects of Ekta Kapoor's serials on mindsets, particularly the female mind. Through this post, he is trying to figure out if he's headed in the right direction. LOL

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

-Snehabaz786

Mindbender

IF-Sizzlerz

Mindbender

Joined: 21 October 2008

Posts: 15873

Posted: 30 June 2010 at 2:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Summer3

Other topics
How to burn your bride legally
How to murder your mother in law
How many times should a man remarryLOL

LOL

Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*


He's conducting a study on the effects of Ekta Kapoor's serials on mindsets, particularly the female mind. Through this post, he is trying to figure out if he's headed in the right direction. LOL
We need more such minds on the DM for him to have a significant amount of study.LOL

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baz786

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