Posted: 18 September 2004 at 2:41am | IP Logged
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your
national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742
Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office
number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell
number's 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net. Which
number are you calling from, sir?"
Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this
Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.
This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of
your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors
indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and
extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider
won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure
you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes'
from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized
Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your
four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your
total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in
cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before
your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking
account's overdrawn also."
Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the
cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about
45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick
'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying
pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car
payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for
and you just filled the tank yesterday"
Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've
already got a July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop
and another one I see here on September for contempt at your
hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you
just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause
prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New
Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"