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NEW FANFIC-Obsession Updated Ch8 pg 14 (Page 5)

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halaa

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halaa

Joined: 26 July 2009

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Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:52am | IP Logged
plz update soon. i m missing ur ff.

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aleena1

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aleena1

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aleena1

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Posted: 25 June 2010 at 5:27pm | IP Logged
Hi sorry guys...... for the late update, I know you've been waiting for ages.........Its just that theres soooooo many wonderful fanfics on this forum that I had to read therefore neglected my own......................
 
I hope you enjoy it............
 

NOTE: The role of Adarsh will be played by Jatin Shah.

 

 

CHAPTER 4

 

SCENE: KRISHNA'S APARTMENT

 

The alarm clock rings, its 8 o'clock and Krishna gets out of bed, he quietly walks towards Pratigya's room and opens it, he see's that she is still asleep. He has a shower, gets ready and decides to make breakfast.

 

A while later Pratigya joins Krishna in the kitchen, he grabs Pratigya and puts her arms around her waist.

 

Krishna:   Hey babes, you're looking damn hot today, (he gently gives Pratigya a kiss on her neck). Pratigya feels uneasy and says 'your egg is getting burnt'. Krishna dashes to the cooker and turns the fire off. Pratigya is relieved.

Krishna says 'Prat I'll just quickly make you another'. Pratigya replies no it's fine, I will have some cereal.

Krishna: Ok it's up to you.

Pratigya remembers that everyone will be meeting today and says 'Krishna, I will be seeing my friends today, Kamal will be taking part in a race so I will be leaving in a while.

Krishna What time does the race finish? Pratigya replies it finishes at around 3. Krishna says 'that's fine I want you home for 4pm, I have a little surprise for you' (Krishna smiles)

Pratigya, who is curious, asks 'what is the surprise?'

Krishna:  'You have to wait, Prat remember to be home for 4, ok'

Pratigya: Ok, I will.

 

 

 

SCENE: The Park

 

Kamal is walking up and down the road, waiting for her beloved Adarsh whom she hasn't seen in a long time. Pratigya  Komal and says 'aaah look at you, Laila, waiting for her Majnu, you look so lost without him, don't worry he'll be here soon.' Kamal looks at Pratigya and says 'shut up'. All of a sudden, they hear a sound of thundering motorbikes. Adarsh who was dressed in black leather jacket and jeans looked so hot and handsome, even Pratigya was spellbound. The motorbike screeches to a halt. Adarsh take of his black sunglasses and says 'hi' to everyone and looks at Kamal.

Adarsh:   'Kamal, at least once, dress like a woman, you and your combat trousers, there is no feminity left in you.

Kamal:     'Shut up, I dress how I want! And no one can tell me what to do.

Adarsh:     'Ooooh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Don't tell me

Kamal:       Shut up, 'let's get ready for the race. What are we betting on?'

 

Adarsh:    'motors, I get your car- Mazda MX5 and you can have my bike, it's a three lap race and whoever loses will need do whatever the winner says.

Kamal: That's fine with me.

 

Kamal is at the start line and revs up the engine, while Adarsh is on his Yamaha motorbike. Adarsh begins to flirt with Kamal. 'Hey sweetheart, how about a kiss after I win the race? 

 

Kamal:  "Go and drop dead, u dirty pervert. You will not win; instead you will be licking of the dirt from my shoes when I win.

 

Adarsh:   'Girl power isn't it? You know, the spice girls have gone past their sell by date, and Kamal, just to let you know it's a proven fact, that women can't drive, never mind that they don't even know how to read a map so how will you participate in rally racing? ......... You should know that your place is in the home, cooking, cleaning, looking after their husbands and bearing children. Aaah but don't worry, after we're married and have a full gang of kids, when we race, I'll let you win, because you will never be able to beat me either in this lifetime or the next seven lifetimes. (Adarsh blows a kiss at Kamal)

Kamal who is so furious says 'you disgusting chauvinistic pig, I will never marry a person who has that kind of sick mentality about women in fact a person like you should marry a dog, you know what they say a dog is a mans best friend'

Adarsh laughs; he knows how to aggravate Kamal and says 'let's get on with the race'.

 

Tunna starts the countdown, Kamal closes her eyes and begins to pray, 'oh god, please let me win, please help me win so that I can enter the forthcoming tournament. Adarsh is a big shot in this league; I will need to prove my worth and to show that women are not inferior to men but are equal. Please god'.help me win.

Kamal and Adarsh are both revving their motors and when Tunna waves the flag, both competitors are determined to outdo each other, and they both fly off to an amazing start.

Adarsh takes the lead on his motorbike, he takes the corner sharply while Kamal who is lagging behind but over steers, this has cost her a few seconds. She hopes to catch Adarsh on the straight run but she knows that Adarsh has an unfair advantage of having a faster bike and the fact that Adarsh is a professional racing driver. Adarsh sways like a snake on his motorbike preventing Kamal from taking the lead. Kamal starts to increase her speed and is determined to beat Adarsh.

Kamal and Adarsh are on their last lap. On the fourth corner, Kamal catches up to Adarsh but Kamal loses control of her car, then it clips the barriers, flips three times and catches on fire. Kamal bangs her head on the steering wheel and falls unconscious while Adarsh hears the crash from behind and makes a u-turn to head back to Kamal. Adarsh's friends run towards the crash with extinguishers and they try to put out the fire. A siren is heard, Tunna says 'the ambulance is on its way'

 

SCENE: THE HOSPITAL

 

Kamal slowly opens her eyes and sees Adarsh who was sitting on her right hand side of the bed, holding her hand'. His eyes red and sorrowful as if he almost lost something/someone who was too precious to him'

Adarsh says in a low soft voice 'Hey Kamal'..how are you feeling??? Babes'don't scare me like that''.you are my life''.what will I do without you babe? Adarsh kisses her hands.

Kamal groans and says 'Oh god, this is not some lovey dovey yash raj film where you all get filmy and romantic'. Be a man'.

There is a roar of laughter which fills the room.

Tunna: 'Look at her, she has just been in an accident and all she does is torture our poor Adarsh that is not nice. Adarsh has been so worried and hasn't stop crying like baby''.

Adarsh: Shut up fool, are you trying to ruin my hard earned reputation.

Kamal: What reputation? You mean the reputation for being the biggest chauvinistic dimwit who thinks too highly of himself.

Adarsh gives kamal an angry look whilst Kamal smiles sweetly at him'.

Kamal looks up and sees all her friends and family who have come to see her. She spends quality time with her friends and family''when suddenly there is a knock on the door. Krishna enters the room with a big bouquet of flowers and says hello and good afternoon to everyone.

Krishna: Hey Pratigya'' why don't you introduce me to your friends.

Pratigya: Hi everyone, this is my boyfriend Krishna, I am currently living with him at the moment. (Pratigya introduces all her friends)

Kamal: Hiya nice to meet you. I often heard about you from Prat'.

Krishna smiles and I also heard a lot about you and racing. It's a dangerous sport, so how can a girl like you take up such a sport.

Kamal: This is my hobby, my passion, Its not just a sport, Its my way of life, some people feel happy playing football, netball, fashion, glamour etc, but this is me'.I don't want to looked down on just because I'm a woman and be stereotyped as just be a housewife, looking after kids etc. Im a person, a human being, who has dreams ambitions and someone who aspires to become the best female rally racing driver in the world.

Adarsh: Oh god, here she goes with her bhashan

Kamal: Shut up Adarsh

Krishna: Oh, is that so? I hope all your dreams come true ''so how are you feeling now?

Kamal: Im feeling much better, Its not serious just a slight pain in the neck and my leg but I'll be fine'..erm'.I'm sorry that we had to meet in these circumstances'''.

Krishna: Yes'.. that's true but I hope you get better soon..

Pratigya looks on, putting on a fake smile''but deep down she is shaking'. Her heart is beating fast'.. she feels as though something terrible might happen'

 

A while later''.

Pratigya and Krishna are in a dark empty room in the hospital'..they are talking'..

 

Kamal says to her family that she wants to take a walk, she feels slightly weak from the crash but she takes hold of some crutches which will help and support her to walk.

Kamal hears Krishna's voice from the corner'

Krishna: So Prat''.tell me why didn't you keep your promise??????? He said in a harsh tone.

Pratigya: Im sorry

Krishna: I don't understand you'Prat''..I don't understand if all you do is apologise.

Pratigya: Im sorry (pratigya is scared and teary eyed)

Krishna: You WERE SUPPOSED to come home straight away as soon as the raced finished at 3. You should have been at home for 4.. THAT was the promise you made Pratigya''..

 

Pratigya: Im sorry but Kamal was hurt I couldn't leave her in this condition'.

Krishna who wasn't listening to Pratigya at all'.. is fuming and is about to blow like a violent volcano and says'..YOU DIDN'T keep your promise'..

 

Kamal who is listening to this hears a loud bang'..Kamal becomes shocked and sees Krishna manhandling Pratigya. He pushes Pratigya on the floor, slaps her'..

Kamal whos is shocked to witness this scene''.sees Krishna grabbing  a chair and is about to hit Pratigya'.

Kamal shouts: STOP IT,    Kamal drops her crutches and runs whilst in pain and shields Pratigya in order to protect her.

Kamal shouts: DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY PRATIGYA''..

Pratigya:  Kamal'.I'.

Krishna stops and stares at them both wideeyed and says' 'my Pratigya'''..

 



Edited by aleena1 - 26 June 2010 at 5:09pm

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see10MaankiMariam-radhi-CBrockschhaya007PristineSoulkasturika_kashushruthiRAbrayshumi...CountingStars

kasturika_kashu

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kasturika_kashu

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Posts: 6500

Posted: 25 June 2010 at 9:03pm | IP Logged
awwwwwwwwwwwww........that was a quite frighteing as well as blood warming chapter...keep updating more and more...love ur writing skills....wwwoooww its action packed....  EmbarrassedBig smileBig smileBig smileBig smileBig smile and i LUUUBBB actions...... i wonder wat krishna will do....Confused

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aleena1

UnIqUe954

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UnIqUe954

Joined: 29 May 2010

Posts: 175

Posted: 25 June 2010 at 10:08pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by aleena1

Originally posted by arhaanfanatic

Kyaaaa  beh, u totalyy spoilt krisna character turned him into sycho
 
dis Fanfic is totally BAKWAS
im sur evrybody will agree wiv me
 
totalyy crap!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Agar aap ne fanfic likna hai to storyline thoda sa change karo, aur humra krishna ko achese dilogues dedo aur maar/pitna band karlo. yeh kya sik rahi ho logo ko?
 
waisa bhi aapne pratigya ka role  milta hai Pratigya serial me. woh to bohut kamzoor lachaar aurat  hai, aur ek hi shakal banathe jo aapne kaha SHOCkED face.
.
 
 
 
 
Oh my god, is my fanfic that terrible? I know it's not in the same league as the rest, but still I was doing the best I can.
 
If there are more people who share the same views as you, I will stop writing this fanfic


im nottt evn lying n i dunt wannaaa lyke be mean or anythinggg butt thss ff is rlllyyy softtttOuchOuch..loll...seriouslyy i dunttt thinkkk tht thiss ff iss rllyyy thtt guddd....no offense....i have no intention to be mean or cruell orr hurt urr feelings  buttt i actuallyy agreee with arhaann fanaticc....imeannn evrythinggg in this ff is perrfeectttt buttt krishna's character justtt ruinnnsss evrythinngg andd makess itt completelyy imperfectt......buttt in the endd itss upp too...there are pplz whoo likee thisss ff but i m  certainly not oneee of themConfused

Abray

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Abray

Joined: 15 June 2009

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Posted: 26 June 2010 at 12:22am | IP Logged
nice chap dear.......do update soon

shruthiR

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shruthiR

Joined: 27 January 2010

Posts: 9125

Posted: 26 June 2010 at 12:47am | IP Logged
Thanks for the extra long chp AleenaSmile.I hope Komal recovers soon and Adarsh seems to be sweet but I hope tht he really isn't a MCP.What is wrong with Krishna?He very well knows tht Pratigya had to stay with Komal at the hospital since she was injured.Despite that he was actually beating her up.Who the hell does he think he is??AngryAngry.Poor Pratigya! I hope she leaves this MCP jerk soon.Looking forward to the next chpSmile

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aleena1

aleena1

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aleena1

Joined: 31 August 2005

Posts: 9286

Posted: 26 June 2010 at 12:49am | IP Logged
Originally posted by UnIqUe954

Originally posted by aleena1

Originally posted by arhaanfanatic

Kyaaaa  beh, u totalyy spoilt krisna character turned him into sycho
 
dis Fanfic is totally BAKWAS
im sur evrybody will agree wiv me
 
totalyy crap!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Agar aap ne fanfic likna hai to storyline thoda sa change karo, aur humra krishna ko achese dilogues dedo aur maar/pitna band karlo. yeh kya sik rahi ho logo ko?
 
waisa bhi aapne pratigya ka role  milta hai Pratigya serial me. woh to bohut kamzoor lachaar aurat  hai, aur ek hi shakal banathe jo aapne kaha SHOCkED face.
.
 
 
 
 
Oh my god, is my fanfic that terrible? I know it's not in the same league as the rest, but still I was doing the best I can.
 
If there are more people who share the same views as you, I will stop writing this fanfic


im nottt evn lying n i dunt wannaaa lyke be mean or anythinggg butt thss ff is rlllyyy softtttOuchOuch..loll...seriouslyy i dunttt thinkkk tht thiss ff iss rllyyy thtt guddd....no offense....i have no intention to be mean or cruell orr hurt urr feelings  buttt i actuallyy agreee with arhaann fanaticc....imeannn evrythinggg in this ff is perrfeectttt buttt krishna's character justtt ruinnnsss evrythinngg andd makess itt completelyy imperfectt......buttt in the endd itss upp too...there are pplz whoo likee thisss ff but i m  certainly not oneee of themConfused
.
 
 
Hey Hun,
 
It's ok I dont mind if you dont like my fanfic............I deliberately changed Krishna's character on purpose.........This fanfic will be like MARMITE........ you will either love it OR HATE ITROFL....
 
The main concept of this fanfic is love.....obsession....and domestic violence and how a person who is sooo madly in love with someone oversteps the bounderies and doesnt realise how that persons actions affects other people...
 
I could have made Krishnas character a bit more subtle, sweet and basically more like the one in the serial........but then I thought I want to be different and in this fanfic,hence the reason why  I chose to write this ff AFTER Pratigya-Krishna had met....(sorry guys I cant write lovey dovey stories I leave that to the experts e.g ArhainaArhaan, Kaash, serial maniac, siince 09 and many more sorry if i didnt write your name cant think of top of my head) 
 
 
All I have to say is that Krishna's actions will get worse in this fanficCry so all KRISHNA lubbers BEAWARE............Krishna's actions will get worse if you want you can stop reading but I would prefer if you read on ....hehe
 
I guarantee by the time I finish with this fanfic 99.9% will HATE this fanficROFLEveryone will be in tears.Cry....
I will be getting ready for the back lash as well from the Krishna lubbers ROFLI know they will grill me afterwards...ROFL
 
Now here's a question, for you guys, which characters in this ff resemble the ones in the serial??????get your mind working I know i havent put many chapters up but it should be quite easy.......
 
 


Edited by aleena1 - 26 June 2010 at 12:48am

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PristineSoulkasturika_kashu

aleena1

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aleena1

Joined: 31 August 2005

Posts: 9286

Posted: 26 June 2010 at 12:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by shruthiR

Thanks for the extra long chp AleenaSmile.I hope Komal recovers soon and Adarsh seems to be sweet but I hope tht he really isn't a MCP.What is wrong with Krishna?He very well knows tht Pratigya had to stay with Komal at the hospital since she was injured.Despite that he was actually beating her up.Who the hell does he think he is??AngryAngry.Poor Pratigya! I hope she leaves this MCP jerk soon.Looking forward to the next chpSmile
 
 
 
 
Hi thanks for reading.....jus one silly question what is MCP?

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