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Pain.... Grief.... Anger.... Disbelief.... Frustration.... Hatred.... Love.
All of these emotions seem to be overwhelming me, all fighting to overtake my mind and heart. As I sit in this isolated room, I find myself re-living today's disastrous ordeal. When you came to stop me from leaving in the car, I, stupidly, for one minute believed that you cared, but no this time I didn't falter with my anger, I let loose the pain that had been searing within me for so long. Perhaps if Ammy hadn't have interfered then I would not have been as furiously angry as I was, how dare he tell me I have no rights towards you! I am your husband! But then you never did regard me in that state did you ridzy? I was simply a toy to you, something you could pick up and play with, amuse yourself for awhile with until your favourite toy was retuned, I was never good enough was I? No matter what I did, how hard I tried nothing I did was ever satisfactory for you was it? So be it, if I had no rights towards you, then stay with the guy who does, stay with the man whom you love to be in the arms of, after all you have taken all my rights away from me. As I drove manically through the damned roads of lonavla, I found flashbacks revving in my mind, seeing you in Ammy's arms, your tear-streaked face, Ammy's interference. With each flash back came another stab wound to my heart. WHY??? why did you do this to me? If all this time you had wanted Ammy then why had you stringed me along? Kept up pretences? Why Ridzy Why? Perhaps the words I had screeched were not appropriate, perhaps I should have thought before I spoke, I do not know whether what I have done is right or not, but then again the situation itself was hardly right, how did you expect me to feel? Elated that your ex lover was cradling you in his arms? No ridzy that would have been ridiculous! Before I could continue with my thoughts, I found myself losing control of the car, similar to how i had lost control of my life and then found myself crashing, until I was surrounded by blackness..........
Voices... As I slowly, steadily gained consciousness I realised that I could hear slow murmuring of voices. As I opened my eyes I was tragically greeted with the sight of you and Ammy stood close together, again repugnance flooded through me, I had to get out of the room, leave before I physically attacked someone. Before I had the chance to advance towards the door, you stopped me dead in my tracks, you claimed that my wounds would get worse, that I needed to rest and recover, well what a reckless recover this turned out to be! I replied sharply, in a deadly voice "Move Out Of My Way" But instead of abiding, you decided to close the door shut, when I looked closer into your eyes I saw a sudden blazing fire in them, one that surprisingly matched my own, for a moment I was taken aback, that's when you said those words "I am not doing this out of sympathy, I am doing this as a duty, a duty of being your wife! I refuse to let you go anywhere alone, wherever you go, I will also be there beside you" As you uttered the last of your words with a tone of defiance, I realized that there was an undeniable resolution to your tone, you seemed to be speaking true of your words. But how do I possibly believe you ridzy? After all that you have done how can I have any faith in your words, I wish to trust you, to believe in what you say, to let them send tendrils of warmth through my body, but alas that is not so, you have shattered my trust, demolished my heart and tarnished my soul, though I wish to embrace you ridzy I cannot do so, the betrayal of your act burns in my mind like a ferocious fire, I cannot erase the pain anger and deceit from my essence, but despite all of this Ridzy, I Still Find Myself Deeply In Love With You....
By Tazzy
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