So I watched the epi'and I must say I was both elated and heartbroken at the same time'
My heart grew three sizes today watching Sid. I mean here was this rejected, angry, heartbroken man. He was a man that has painfully kept the oil buring in this dying marriage of his. Everytime the wind blew and attempted to blow out the flame of the lantern once and for all he ran and with everything in him and made sure to cup his hands around the flame and save it. He knows there is only so much fuel left in the lantern and that no matter how long he holds his hands there eventaully it will run out. But regardless of the inevitable he continues to place his hands around the flame and keep it going for as long as it will. Come rain or shine, come hurricane or tsunami he makes sure NOTHING will let that flame douse before its meant to be douse. The flame I am talking about is the flame of hope he has in his heart, it's the hope for his marriage, for Ridz, and for his love.
I think the first time Sid realized that he can actually be burnt by trying to protect this flame of hope was when he waited for Ridz on the terrace. He put everything he had into asking her to come visit him on the terrace and to just let him talk to her once, to finally clear the air and figure out what they both wanted from this marriage. To at least in the end of their 7 months come out as friends if they couldn't make it something more. The flame grew brighter in that moment, she had not turned around, but she also didn't refuse'and that my friends was the kerosine that Sid's flame needed to burn a little brighter. And so it did. Of course, kerosine is simply a starter fluid, it is not meant to burn long term its simply the stepping stone by which to start a spark. It is extreme heat in a short period of time, but just as brightly as it burns it is that quickly without wood that it will die out. Well in this case Ridz was the wood, she never showed , and that ultimately lead to dimming of Sid's flame.
What we saw then was the aftermath of that kerosine hit. By not only getting stood up by Ridz but finding out that she ditched him to go to the one place where the man she claimed she wanted nothing to do with was, it made Sid take as step back from the flame. He removed his hands and we saw the anger and heartbreak that had been brewing inside of him. We saw all the heat that he has kept inside of him. And yet, this man did not say anything out of spite nor did he say anything hurtful about the woman that had "betrayed" him. All he said in his monologue of anger was that "how come you left without telling me? Why did you not once think about me?" And yeh he has his doubts about what his wife was doing, but you know what he does instead of simply voicing them and calling them as he sees them? He acknowledges that he knows what he is thinking is wrong, but that he cant help it. He apologizes'I mean who when they are angry thinks of things as apologies?? I certainly don't in fact when I'm angry all that I can think of is the darkness that is surrounding me. Yet this man, with his generous heart manages to once again find fault in himself and not his wife. But at the end of this we can all see that the flame has dimmed considerably and that Sid no longer feels the need to fight for the flame, that he is going to just let it do what it was meant to do'he is going to let it extinguish itself out'.
Yet once again'this man shows his true colors. He is devestated by the carelessness of his wife, hi s heart is shattered into a million pieces. As far as he his concerned Ridz made her choice once again and that was clearly Armaan. So what would any sane person do in Sid's place??? He would be rebeling, he would be cold as ice, he would refuse to talk about that woman. She would forever remain and black mark in his past, never to be spoken about again. And that flame that he was so vigilantly protecting?? Well it wouldn't just be left alone but would be doused out by a bucket of water.
But then he gets a phone call. All he hears in that is that his wife has been crying, that she has been thinking about him, that she is sick. And what happens??? Once again, we see what a heart of gold this man has. He brings that dying flame back to life. He drops everything and rushes back to her and this time he makes sure he has brought a glass case for that lantern of his. Even though I knew what heartbreak lay ahead for this poor man, watching him during his drive up to lonavla the excitement on his face, the peace, the thoughts that went on. My heart didn't just expand out of pure love for this man but it actually sighed. I mean seriously?? Afterall the pain and heartache he has gone through for a woman who has yet to even speak a full sentence to him since her ex is back. Who only indicates she wants marriage (whatever that means he has no clue, whether its marriage is duty, an obligation or if its happiness, peace and yeh love) He once again throws open the doors to his heart, and in that moment'I knew no matter what happens in this show or with Sid and ridz'.this Sid'in this moment will forever hold a special place in my heart...
So for my heartbreaking'.well there is no way to avoid it'after giving this man a place in my heart and knowing what lies in store for him there is nothing else my heart can do but break. What he sees when he gets there isnt just a 'hawa ka jhoka' that can blow out his flame, but it's an F5 tornado that not only will blow out the flame and shatter that glass case he brought, but it will take that lantern and drop it somewhere 90 miles away. I must say I am glad that finally, Sid will let it all out in the open, that he will get out all that has been building inside him and that the person that hears it is the one person that really needs to. That finally Ridz can see what her indecisiveness and vague answers have done to the rock of husband she had. To see that no this man is not a saint and no he is not unfeeling, but that in reality he is a man that feels too much, that his heart is made of gold and not diamonds. That every scratch made has left its mark and that this final scratch will shatter that precious heart once and for all'
I know I have been playing ridz defender since I started...and you know what'she's not to blame for all of this either...and don't worry when I get some time I will let you know exactly what I think is going on w/ her...but today after this epi I just had to make this post for Siddhant Modi...and to let him know that he may not see that flame of hope...but that it always burning and sometimes we just have to let it rekindle itself and grow slowly b4 we are able to see it again.
you all know the rules...play nice
Edited by arp04srocks - 06 May 2010 at 6:47pm