Joined: 15 January 2005
Siddhanth..... sorry , a very angry Siddhanth was at the BB
court today, dribbling the basketball as if it was his neural manifestation -
dribble- dribble-dribble between highs and lows, between right and wrong ,
between hope and distress, between faith and distrust, between his love for his
wife and his angst against her. It was almost as if Sid was trying to make
sense out of a complicated map but it was giving him no answers. And as if that
wasn't enough , Stella's punch in the gut words suggesting that Riddz preferred
to trot of and be with Armaan instead of listening to her husband , and Sid's
own endless waiting for Riddhima at the terrace when she did not even bother to
inform him that she was going to Lonavla - all this piled into a large
intolerable emotional heap slumped down Sid's shoulders and his heart. He can
no longer take all this emotional weight-lifting - he can no longer deal with
Riddhima's snakes-and-ladders - and he can no longer deal with his own heart.
Thread-by-thread, Sid is crumbling now. Earlier,he was crumbling like an ice block - numb. And now, he is crumbling like a burning piece of coal - totally on fire. Now, that Sid had begun to hope that Riddhima and him have a chance to save their marriage , that they could make a fresh start .........the lonavla fiasco has happened. For the first time in ages , Sid was beginning to open his heart , he was beginning to hope that this marriage can indeed have a happily-ever-after fairytale fate if he and Riddz tried , he was putting up with Riddzie's ice queen act , being patient with her and he did manage to convince her to speak to him .... and Riddz , inspite of all her anger and her wounded feminine pride had given into Sid's genuine words and she was ready to speak to him.....
But as luck would have it , SR can never have it easy - a hurricane had to come and it came . And that same hopeful, sweet and adorable Sid feels mocked by fate , rejected by his wife and stands at the threshold of a psycho-emotional transition where he is convinced that Riddz indeed chose Armaan over him and did not deem it fit to even inform him while he kept waiting like a fool. He feels disheartened that it is only him who is trying to save this marriage while his wifey is just not interested and is making it clear. And to add to that the jealousy pangs of the husband in him , the insecurity and the feeling of being unwanted raising his head in him......all these are signs of an emotional breakdown that will show up as ripped vulnerability veiled by a vile temper or absolute numbness.
What Riddhima is going to do about it , i have no idea at all. Sid is giving up on her having tried the best that he could and Riddz' small , innocent but absolutely careless mistake is going to cost her much more than she has bargained for.... add to that the precap fiasco, i don't want to even go there - it is going to make Armaan awkward, Sid FURIOUS and Riddhima all dukhi (sad) heroines rolled into one. DAMN!
So, as we leave Sid letting go off the last threads of hope , we go an see the supposed self-proclaimed ice queen Riddhima Modi. It is amazing how that little girl TJ manages to shred Riddz' defences and pokes her heart by merely taking Sid's name and innocently chattering about SR's fights , their bond, their marriage and how they are with each-other. An unsettled Riddhima tries hard to ward off the child's fond blabber about Sid but as always Sid gets to her. When TJ innocently says that Sid loves her a lot , Riddz is struck and looks surprised - Sid loves me for sure and that is why he sent me divorce papers. It is next to impossible for Riddz to believe that Sid can love her because she is sure that Sid doesn't consider her worthy of him and is trying to get rid of her........ ice melted , the wife , the woman in Riddhima remembers her torrid fight with Sid at her house when he had come to her house with the divorce papers....
And here you realize that on that day Riddhima had expected Sid to tell her that he doesn't want this divorce at all - she had expected him to explain it to her that how did divorce come into question at all- but no, Sid had further wounded her by demanding signatures - and she vividly remembers the physicality of that fight - how fierce Sid had looked and how defensive she had become......If he did love me at all TJ, those divorce papers would have never showed up and Sid would have come to take me back home, not to flutter those papers in my face and tell me that he did not need me anymore.....
And as little TJ talks about Sid's promises, an emotionally pent up Riddhima takes out her frustrations and angst against Sid on her. No TJ! Sid never keeps any of his promises .......He promised to love me , take care of me , look after me , be with me for seven lives when he married me , he promised to keep me happy and look! Look what he has done , he is leaving me in the middle of a no man's land. Of course , she could not say all these things to that child but that is what she meant when she fired up at the mere mention of Sid's promises....
And as the hurt and distressed TJ walked away, tears rolled down Riddz' eyes - tears of a woman hurt, broken and supposedly rejected by the very man who taught her to hope, love and live again......No, Sid is not here but mention him to Riddz and you will see him standing right next to her. And whenever Riddz reacts like that to Sid , his name and his presence, i recall her words to Naina regarding Sid " Kya main Sid se pyaar karti hoon? Shaayad nahiin. Par kai baar lagta hai ki shaayad main usse pyaar kar baithoongi. " ( Do I love Sid , really? Maybe not. But I think I will fall in love with him)...... and perhaps Riddhima is slowly walking towards that answer..... answer to her own question.
Perhaps, from now on, it is Sid's journey towards faith in Riddhima and Riddhima's journey towards love for Siddhanth.
Love and luck always to everyone,
GOD bless everyone.
Joined: 17 January 2005
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Joined: 15 January 2005
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Joined: 15 January 2005
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