Joined: 26 November 2009
Joined: 02 February 2010
Joined: 31 March 2009
Joined: 06 March 2010
Joined: 05 July 2005
Something went wrong, not sure what. Suddenly Stories 1 and 9 were incomplete while stories 2 and 3 went completely missing. I have corrected the posts on the first page. I request writers to please check if their stories are in FULL and have not gone missing. If you realize that the Story Number assigned to your story has changed then let me know.
Joined: 05 July 2005
I have received PMs from many participants asking for my comments on their stories. This is going to be my feedback post. As I keep finishing the stories, I will keep adding my comments here. Since I coordinated the contest, I would not like to hide my comments and PM them to the respective writers. I hope participates will take my comments sportingly, good or critical.
I would encourage readers to give their feedback, if you want to be anonymous, you can send me your feedback with the story number, I will post it here. This will help the participants and we will get better stories to read at that time.
STORY 1: The writer has a different writing style from the rest. I like the simple flow of the story. It justifies the title and the given plot very well. I sort of guessed the culprits when their names were introduced. I liked how Abhi Sir's past helped built trust between the CID team and the Aditi. However I would have liked more of ACP's participation in the investigative process since her last wish was to meet him. This story was presented more like an emotional drama. I hope to read your next story more on the lines of a thriller. Nice attempt, thanks for participating.
STORY 2: Nice attempt. Easy and simple dialogs. Sweet small interactions between the all members of the team showing a nice rapport between everyone. However the story dragged a bit, I took a couple of breaks in between to finish the story. There was a stage in between where there wasn't much progress. I hope read a more concise and a crispier story from you the next time. Thanks for participation.
STORY 3: I like how this writer has listed names of all the main characters involved with their roles in the beginning. Sometimes when a story has many characters and the reader may get confused in the names, seeing this section would help them connect again. This is a different take since here the husband was faking his death, so that was interesting. This seems like the writer's first attempt, so I will try and highlight aspects that may help next time; I hope this feedback is taken positively. Here the writer seems to be in a rush, scenes just come and go and the dialogs sound more like titles than full sentences. I would suggest, give time to develop the plot and to build a connection between your characters and your readers. I never felt any connection with Anjali. Now coming to the story, the court convicted Anjali because police found a skeleton with a bullet and a gun her locker when the gun and bullet weren't even matched. That part does not sound convincing. Thanks for participation.
STORY 4: I like the references to the recent case aired on CID. I wish this was the following case than what we got to see. Anyway coming back to the story, the different thing was that none of the characters were white including the lady. However I did feel that the writer kind of lost interest mid-way, could be due all new around actual CID or maybe the writer could not make the plot his/her own. Not sure if it is fair to say but usually this writer's story has some WOW element, if nothing else atleast in Daya-Abhi interaction, that spark was missing here. None the less it is a nice attempt. I hope you can make the plot your own next time around and give us more WOW moments. Thanks for participation.
STORY 5: Another unthought-of criminal. Nice easy flow to the story, however the reporter angle was not really needed. That is the only time I felt the story dragged. Personally I felt there was no need for Simran to be shown as someone ACP already knew, I mean if she already knew him, she would have asked for help immediately when she was arrested for the police, why wait for so long. But that is my personal take may different from read to reader. Nice attempt. Thanks for participation.
STORY 6: This one really surprised me. When I gave the plot never did imagine that someone could actually create this kind of climax. Nothing was predictable; at no point did I know what will happen next. The story was so wonderfully woven and plot was wonderfully used. VERY WELL DONE. Thank you so much for participating.
STORY 7: Nice simple story, no dragging, no unwanted scenes, though it had a predictable culprit. I like Freddie in Scene 1, very sweet. Loved Daya Sir's line just before his trademark slap. Nice attempt but I would like to read something more unpredictable from you. Thank you for participating.
STORY 8: hmmm this one has confused me. It was going fine, really well and suddenly there was an anti-climax when Aarti turned up. The climax was a letdown for me but may vary from reader to reader. However I like the writer's writing style, it's different. I like the girlfriend joke in the beginning and way it was written did not sound cheesy. I liked the tone of the dialogs overall. Thank you for participation.
STORY 9: Interesting climax, rest of the story was sort of the usual (not to take away anything from the writer, saying this after having read 9 stories on the same plot) but the climax is a winner. I have a couple of suggestions for the writer. Avoid statements like "I am very bad at forensic as I am Non-Medical student. So if any Bio student finds any problem do bear." and "It's the main scene, all the confusion set on second and third scene will be cleared here, most part is imagination" before your scenes. Not a good practice, if you ask me. When I read the first line, as a reader I knew that what is going to follow next is going to be unconvincing and it was, you did not give me a chance to believe what you are saying. Similarly for the second line when I read it I knew now something different is going to happen, you sort of took away the surprise element from the climax. You can write all that at the end of your story but not before your scenes, because you strangely set a negative mindset in the reader and take away from your hard work. Secondly if you aren't very convinced about you forensic scenes, you can do away with them in your stories, like here since it's the photographs which actually prove that there were two knifes, you could do away with the unconvincing Scene 5 altogether. However these are my personal view and may vary from reader to reader. This writer thinks differently, has different ideas, just need to work on how to present them with more clarity to the readers. Thanks for participation.
STORY 10: hmmm thoda confusion hai. I did not understand the smuggling case context in the current Mridula case, Also the need for the argument over Abhi Sir between Raj and Daya Sir. Scene 6 wasn't required if you ask me. There were many characters and I got confused in the names who is who, Raj, Karan, Arun, Raghu, etc. I wish you had listed the names of these characters as well with the team, that would have minimized the confusion to a certain extent. My suggestion is, since we are all beginners, lets first start with fewer characters and smaller plots, this way we will be able to control situations in our writing and things will not go out of hand. Thanks for participation.
STORY 11: Nice, I like CID in disguise, Scene 7 was lovely. Scene 9 seems irrelevant and out of character for both Daya-Abhi, however this is my point of view and may vary from reader to reader. It was nice and crisp, did not drag apart from scene 9. I have two suggestions. The story just took off immediately; a small introduction to set the stage would have been nice. Also Karan instant trust for Abhi Sir was not convincing, a couple of conversations to establish that connection would have been nice, may be on Day 3 and 4 when CID team could not make much progress. Nice attempt. Thanks for participation.
STORY 12: Interesting story. I like how the old crime has been connected with a latest crime. I did not understand why ACP-Abhi had to hide the Lady's case from the team, especially Daya Sir but then I remembered the Case Of The Talking Parrot which had something similar. I loved the climax, Freddie our Hero (when will we get to see this in CID, Fireworks are you listening?). Good attempt. Thanks for participation.
STORY 13: Nice attempt. I like how you gave names of the days to show that CID was pressed for time, however that urgency did not reflect in dialogs or investigation process much. If the team was spilt up and sent to investigate different aspects of the case that would have helped. However I LOVED the message you gave through your story, it is so true. Keep it up. I have suggestions for writing style. Be consistent with language, some dialogs in Hindi, some in English, not a good practice. There was no casing (everything in small letters including names, for e.g abhi (Abhijit Sir) and abhi (Now in Hindi) can't be differentiated), abrupt newline characters used, this makes it difficult for readers. I hope you keep these suggestions in mind, you have good ideas now just need to concentrate on how to put them on paper more effectively. Thanks for participation.
Great work everyone. Same plot but different stories. None of the stories were same, it's amazing how not one thought alike. Its been a wonderful experience for me, thank you everyone who participated and also the readers who are taking time to read all the stories. I would like more NON-PARTICIPANTS also to please come forward, take time, read the stories and give our participants your valuable feedback. If you wish to stay anonymous as you give an honest feedback, feel free to PM me, like the writers are anonymous, reviewers/readers will be kept anonymous too if needed.
I understand that Hindi is not a forte of some writers, so as a first step to help improve on that front, this is my suggestion. Pay attention to the genders; correct use of "Tha" and "Thi" for male and female respectively; ACP will say "karoonGA" while Tasha will say "karoonGI". A simple way to find the gender is to put "Kaisa" and "Kaisi" before the Hindi Word, like "Kaisa Khoon" and "Kaisi Khoon", you will realize that the former sounds correct, so you know "khoon giRI THI" is incorrect instead you have to use "khoon giRA THA" or "Kaisa Bartav" and "Kaisi Bartav", you will realize that the former sounds correct, so you know "usKI bartav" is incorrect instead you have to use "usKA bartav".
The following 6 member(s) liked the above post:
sneh., sunnyp1414, teju_g, Shagnika, Bhavanab, visrom,
Joined: 12 April 2009
Joined: 02 February 2010
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