He was back at the office again, pretending to be highly engrossed in the new design layout, but only he knew what he was really upto. The rival maganize had an article on maritial woes, but he couldn't help thinking that they had missed out on something important.
What will you call a marriage based on compromise? Compulsion to marry who you harmed...compulsion to marry the one who harmed you...
Before leaving for work, he had heard his mom speaking to her...asking her how she was. He loitered around for few minutes behind the closed doors of his parents' room...eavesdropping on the conversation. But not once in those fifteen minutes did his mother ask her to come back.
He wasn't jealous or hurt...but just wished that somebody would understand him. The oblivious ones couldn't look at him beyond his perfection....and the ones who knew...wouldn't stop blaming him.
She was yelling again, asking her attacker to let go of her. To quieten her, he pressed his palm against her mouth and continued to perform the act of desire.
When Amir came back to consciousness, he felt a figure slipping on the bed beside him. He didn't need to turn on the lights to know who was resting beside him. He could feel the figure move as far toward the edge of the bed as she could and then curl herself into a ball. He wanted to tell her it's okay...but he knew better than to open his mouth. The world was asleep...let her rest in peace as well!
The next morning when he woke up, the figure was gone...for few minutes he continued to lay on his bed...contemplating if last night was a frigment of his imagination. Maybe it was...since it wasn't the first time he had imagined her.
He got out of the bed and walked toward the washroom..but once there he could hear the shower running and rightly concluded that she was here...Shona was back!
She didn't look at him even once when they sat across from each other on the dining table with the rest of the family. As usual, no one was talking...it was pin dropped silence...for some reason he remembered his school teachers telling them to be quiet just like that. Those were some memories of his past that he wanted to cherish...and there were others that he just wanted to erase from his mind...forever...
He kept thinking about her all day at the office...many times he would pick up the phone to call her...but everytime he would talk himself out of it.
"Hey, perfect dude! C'mon let's go! I came to pick you up for lunch!" Rahul barged into the cabin without knocking.
But that's not what made Amir's blood boil...but that word...PERFECT
"Earth to Mr. Perfection, let's go!" Rahul waved his hand in front of Amir's face but quickly moved back with a sudden movement from Amir.
"Why the hell do you keep calling me perfect?" Amir got up from his chair in anger and looked at Rahul as if he was about to murder him.
"Dude, what's wrong with you?"
Amir did not answer him but rather walked out of his cabin as Rahul continued to call after him.
There was no one in the park...it was almost midnight anyways...but he still chose to come here. Darkness and lonliness reminded Amir of what his life had become in the last year. Once even he was an ambitious young photographer...working for a magazine that he thought was perfect for him. There was a time when he loved to be perfect...but he wasn't that...that...word...anymore. He was a man covered in dirt...a filthy disgusting man!
"Dude, you just walked out on me yesterday...what's wrong?" Rahul ran up to Amir to join him for his usual morning run.
"Sorry...I...wasn't feeling too well!" Amir briefly gave Rahul an apologetic look before looking away.
"Hey, Amir...I've been noticing that you aren't being yourself lately! You know you can talk to me, buds!"
Amir did not say anything but simply gave Rahul another brief look before turning away.
"I heard that Shona's back...I thought you would be quite happy about it! You both were so happy at your wedding!"
"Things are not always what they seem!"
"Oh, so that's the matter! Mr. Perfect had a fight with his wife!"
"Will you stop calling me perfect!?"
"C'mon dude, just because you had a fight...it does not dimish your perfectness!" Rahul's intention was a tease but it ended up hitting the wrong spot.
"I AM NOT PERFECT!" Amir came to a sudden halt
"Dude, it's just a fight!"
"It's not just a fight...it is a punishment...for a mistake that I did!"
"Oh, well what did you do? Kissed her wrong or something, Mr. Perfect?" Rahul continued to tease...failing to understand the seriousness
"You wouldn't understand!" Amir started to walk away looking dejected
"C'mon dude, I always have fights with Anjali...what could you have done worse?"
Amir turned around and gave a sad smirk...
"Have you ever raped a girl?" Rahul eyes widen in shock "I raped her...I raped Shona!"
"Leave me! Let me go! What's wrong with you Amir?" she was struggling to get him off of her, but was failing miserably
He didn't know what took over him...he didn't even realize what he was doing...until he was done. When he came back to his senses, he saw her lying there...curled up in a ball. She wasn't crying or sobbing even...she was just lying there...emotionless
End of Flashback
He walked away from a shocked Rahul and sat on a bench...remembering how he had gone to both their parents and admitted what he had done. He could have kept his mouth shut...and would have told her to do the same...but he didn't. They were forced into a relationship of marriage within a month. For the past one year, he had been trying to live with the guilt of raping her...living with a girl who pretended to be happy and strong but every night he would feel her curling up in a shape of a ball...just lying there...emotionless.
He wasn't perfect...he was a coward...just a mere coward!
Edited by -bhootni- - 19 April 2010 at 4:49pm