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Commitment: A Lost Virtue

Cookies01 Senior Member
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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 7:04pm | IP Logged
There was a time when commitment was a virtue, something to be admired, a trait that earned the respect of those around you.

I am really appalled at how easily so many members on this forum are jumping up and down for SR to divorce. And no, I am not an SR fan.

A lot of folks here are saying that Riddhima should choose Armaan because she has feelings for him. How can she ignore her heart? Because none of us has ever had a change of heart, right?  And if I recall correctly, one member even said that "Feelings are all that matters!"

BUTTT feelings change...like everything else in life. Change is the only constant thing in life. Change is a law of nature. Nothing escapes change, not even time itself.

And THAT is the reason why marriage is called a commitment. Because a commitment is based not on feelings (which are fleeting, restless, and ever changing) but instead, it's an agreement, a pledge, a promise to fulfill a certain goal, to achieve a desired result, to turn a dream into a reality.

Imagine if marriages were based on feelings alone? Everyone on the planet would be divorced! It is not humanly possible to feel love for your spouse every single second of every single day. There are times when you will be so pissed off you'll want to murder the person you're married to! And I'm sure those on this forum that are married can attest to this. The younger members have a very fairytale, Bollywoodish, and unrealistic understanding of love and marriage. In marriages, you have good times and bad times, but it is your commitment, your belief in the institution, your promise to the person, to knowing that what you have build together is priceless, sacred, and worth all the trials and tribulations that time may put you through that motivates you to move forward when you'd rather quit and walk away.

And I am NOT saying that Riddhima should stay in a marriage just for the sake of the institution. But I'm sure everyone who has been watching DMG saw the phone conversation between Naina and Riddhima where she says "I may just end up falling in love with Sid." And before Armaan comes back, Riddhima seems happy with the decision she has made to give Sid a chance, to give her married life a chance.

Someone on this forum very aptly said that whether 1910 or 2010, values are values. I understand that everyone has different values but tell me ladies, would you go for a guy who based his decision on his feelings or someone who followed through with their commitments? What's the guarantee someone who does only what they feel like will stick around, will not cheat when they see someone attractive? A commitment means believing in a higher purpose and being determined to fulfill that purpose.

What exactly, as fans of this show, are we advocating for the sake of seeing certain couples together? Yes, it's JUST a show. But (as a psychology student) beliefs are formed by repetitions, not logic! This is the reason why a young mind repeatedly shown an advertisement about how cool Nike shoes are will want a pair!

I truly wonder, what kind of a message this show is sending to young, impressionable minds about the meaning of love, commitment, and marriage.
I hope the CV's know what they are doing. If they are going to break a marriage, please do it for the right reasons!

Sometimes, the things we hold on to as if our life depended on them are the very things we need to let go of to begin life again. And sometimes we have to let go of something good, to find something great.

Love,
Cookies


P.S. I've been a silent reader for eons but just felt compelled today. I'd really love to hear everyone's honest opinion. This post is NOT meant to bash AR fans or SR fans or the characters or actors. It's just a post on commitment, its meaning, and value.

P.P.S. Please pleaseee ladies and gentlemen, no bashing. Or as little as possible LOL







Edited by Cookies01 - 08 April 2010 at 7:20pm

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
@cookies,  wonderfully explained, and I second every thought of yours

"I may just end up falling in love with Sid."  suffice that people should give another chance to themselves.

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 7:49pm | IP Logged
All you said is understandable...just one question... Marriage is NOT based on feelings? So as long as there are commitments...The marriage works? Then you are absolutely right b/c without LOVE (and love is a feeling...not a forced feeling either), Marriage is not a marriage...it's an agreement and a contract!

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 7:56pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by dua_44ever

All you said is understandable...just one question... Marriage is NOT based on feelings? So as long as there are commitments...The marriage works? Then you are absolutely right b/c without LOVE (and love is a feeling...not a forced feeling either), Marriage is not a marriage...it's an agreement and a contract!


definitely feelings are what makes you human and Sidma were gradually developed those required emotions for each other and cookie mentioned explicitly in her post

"I may just end up falling in love with Sid."


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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 8:06pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by dua_44ever

All you said is understandable...just one question... Marriage is NOT based on feelings? So as long as there are commitments...The marriage works? Then you are absolutely right b/c without LOVE (and love is a feeling...not a forced feeling either), Marriage is not a marriage...it's an agreement and a contract!
Even mutual respect and trust account to feelings and Sidma's marriage was based on that. Love is not everything in life. If there is love without trust (in AR's case there are many instances wherein neither had enough trust on the other person) what's the point in that love? How strong is that? Eyelocks and passionate moments don't alone suffice for classifying love but silence can speak volumes about it too. In SR's case, marriage was a decision taken by both of them and Armaan came at a point when Ridz was getting feelings for Sid. At this point should she crush those feelings and run back to her love? If she does that, then it'll be an insult to the love AR had earlier on as it wasn't selfish way back then.

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
i think nobody on SR angle spoke about feeling ok..now u r saying if the girl develops a feeling for a guy it is with whom she should lead a happy life with happy feeling for him.  the phone conversation between ridhimma and naina all that happened before armaan came back..i could now say strongly that she has feeling only for armaan now and commitment towards marraige for sid.
 
so who ever supporting this feeling angle please have this in mind, as i'm sure ridhimma will be shown very soon to have lot of feeling for armaan which was so long hidden, i just want to see what people talk at that time..they would just talk about the marraige commitment and would only bash ridhimma for that feeling of hers??
 
picture abhi bhaki meri dost

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 8:27pm | IP Logged
nice pov......just that mine's a little different from yours.....i'm not saying i don't agree with you....honestly i don't really know what riddhima shud really do although i wud like her to be with armaan for my own selfish reasons.......
and about commitment....well you've spoken about the commimtment in a marriage and i want to point out the commimtment in a relationship.
as i have said before a relationship of two years and that two one as emotionally binding as AR's os no less than a marriage and demands equal commitment if not more......armaan and riddhima had graduated from being lovers to soulmates.....theirs was not a fling and feelings for your soulmate don't just vanish or fade into the background in six months....even if she gave sid another chance she knows sid will never be her soulmate not because he can't but because that place in her heart is armaan's and he cannot be replaced.
i ope you got what i'm trying to say which is just as a marriage demands commitment so does a relationship with ur soulmate.......
peace out
love
sumedha

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Posted: 07 April 2010 at 8:28pm | IP Logged
" i may end up falling for Sid" i think she said tht out if sheer convenience... she had no other option but to fall in love with sid.. no signs of armaan.. forceful commitment.. miserable life.. why not make it happy by falling in love with him.. him happy me happy life happy!
its not tht she may end up faliing for sid but she may HAVE to end up falling for sid!  and tht too she said it long time ago.. now the time is different situations are different.. and i dont think SR relation is going to be the same even if they are together now.. sod will always have the feeling of not trusting her loyalty towards him and she also wont be 100% loyal towards him!
and abt commitment.. it si not a burden.. it is by choice.. and you cannot force yourself to a life long commitment when you clearly are not up for it.. if you were up for the marriage you wouldnt have acted the way she did.. when armaan came back.. its okay to get affected but when she moved on in life she shouldnt be affected by him to so much extent.. she CLAIMED to have moved on..but her actions say otherwise..!

coming back to commitment i dont think riddhimma is going to break her so called commitment so soon anyways

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