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Serendipity - one shot

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_.serendipity._

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_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 472

Posted: 12 February 2010 at 7:21am | IP Logged
 
Serendipity

 

It was love at first sight, although admittedly, not quite for the first time. But Neha wasn't one to count or rank "loves." Love was just love, not to be confined or categorized or controlled, or worse still, rationalized. It was simply there to be lived, and its magic believed in and celebrated, without any conditions or expectations. Like life. To other people, Neha was naive. To Neha, others were unnecessarily complicated.

 

She excitedly memorized every detail of what had just happened as the red-heart-clutching white teddy bears on the shelves smiled, winking at each other mischievously.

 

It was all so romantic, and all so perfectly timed, as though predestined.

 

Barely an hour ago, for no reason she could fathom then, she had decided to bunk her last lecture and go on one of her random walks.

 

Everyone judged her ways crazy, but she never questioned her instincts. Random walks to her were not a hobby or even a habit; they were a way of life she abided by with utmost faith, because she knew she would discover the reason behind the "randomness" sooner or later. Neha believed that coincidences were hardly ever accidents, and often found herself to be proven right.

 

Her steps that day led her to a supermarket. And there, in the aisle especially devoted for Valentine's Day gifts, just as Enrique's 'Hero' started playing on the supermarket's loudspeakers, he walked by and caught her eye.

 

He.

 

He was short, pale and average-looking. Yet, there was something that drew her to him. Maybe it was his eyes, bright and kind behind thin blue-framed spectacles. Maybe it was his warm and genuine smile. Or maybe it was just the way he seemed, content, at peace. Like someone who valued life and every moment thereof. Neha liked people like that because she found herself reflected in them.

 

And when he talked, she knew that it was his sincere heart that made him so magnetic. 

 

"Hey, can you help me?" he said to her, politely, with a cute, endearingly embarrassed air, "I need to buy something for my girlfriend for Sunday, you know, Valentine's Day, and I have no idea how to go about..you know? I've never - Sorry. If you don't mind, that is."

 

"Sure!" Neha chirped cheerfully, "How about this mug? It's adorable. You can fill it with lots of tiny chocolates, and give it to her ...umm, along with ... a hand-made bouquet!"

 

"Hand-made?"

 

"There are these beautiful lilies on the other side of the mountain! I have plucked them before. There is nobody to stop you. And listen, don't be nervous. She'll be very happy, I'm sure!"

 

"You know, you're, you're simply wonderful. Thank you. I love you!"

 

Neha smiled and he went away with the mug.

 

Yes, it was love at first sight, and definitely not for the last time.

 

 

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MrMonster

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MrMonster

Joined: 02 January 2009

Posts: 376

Posted: 12 February 2010 at 10:27am | IP Logged
I think there could have been a little more detail, You know, I mean about how the whether was that day, and where they were, and you could have explained how the mug looked like, I really don't mean to sound rude, a little more detail would be good, but i liked it, I loved Neha's character, a sweet, bubbly heroine, overall I think it's a nice start, You could have given the boy more detail though, you know whether he seemed young or old, or something like that, so basically all you have to do is add a little more detail, and then your good to go, I'm sorry if I sound you know… rude, but as I writer remember this, criticism makes us better, and praise makes are head bigger, I guess you feel weird taking advice from some random stranger on the net seven seas away.. Anyway back to your story, I liked it, just remember to add detail, and it'll be great.

Okay that was a long, long review, I just feel happy today I guess.

<3 Hala

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_.serendipity._

amalia

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Joined: 04 February 2006

Posts: 9854

Posted: 12 February 2010 at 8:29pm | IP Logged
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_.serendipity._

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 472

Posted: 13 February 2010 at 10:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by 090909as

I think there could have been a little more detail, You know, I mean about how the whether was that day, and where they were, and you could have explained how the mug looked like, I really don't mean to sound rude, a little more detail would be good, but i liked it, I loved Neha's character, a sweet, bubbly heroine, overall I think it's a nice start, You could have given the boy more detail though, you know whether he seemed young or old, or something like that, so basically all you have to do is add a little more detail, and then your good to go, I'm sorry if I sound you know' rude, but as I writer remember this, criticism makes us better, and praise makes are head bigger, I guess you feel weird taking advice from some random stranger on the net seven seas away.. Anyway back to your story, I liked it, just remember to add detail, and it'll be great.

Okay that was a long, long review, I just feel happy today I guess.

<3 Hala
 
Hey, random stranger Smile Thank you very, very much for taking the time to read through and providing such an honest, helpful and insightful review Big smile I am not offended at all and do not consider you rude in any way!! I really, truly appreciate it very much. And I get your point about the lack of detail. I felt it too, when I read through it again, with your words in mind. Actually, in the state of mind I was in when I wrote it, details didn't seem as important as the idea behind. I just had the concept in mind, and I wanted to put it down into words as spontaneously as I could. So I basically wrote it in one shot, and hardly reviewed. It felt right at the time. And, as a writer, I kinda like the story as it is, because it captures how I felt when I wrote it. But you're right. I completely agree with you. From a reader's point of view, it doesn't satisfy, really. Feels like something's amiss. Thank you once again!! Big smile  
 


Edited by _.serendipity._ - 13 February 2010 at 2:41pm

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 472

Posted: 13 February 2010 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Originally posted by nanshr

Very cute Hema!  She lives life in her own eccentric way. I think that you purposefully did not add much description to the boy's character - you wanted it to be "uncontrolled" and "irrational." It's something that comes and goes. It wasn't the first time that it happened nor will it be the last.


 
Sravi!!! Big smile Big smile Big smile Big smile Big smile Makes me so happy to read your feedback!! Yes, I guess I did want it unconventional and mysterious, mystic even, if I may say so. I didn't exactly plan it out... the whole thing was very spontaneous. I'm only reflecting back now, and trying to figure out what I was on about then. lol. I'm really, super glad you liked it! Thanks soooooo much for reading and for the comment. Love ya!

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amalia

mailme2sobit

Groupbie

mailme2sobit

Joined: 08 February 2010

Posts: 66

Posted: 03 June 2010 at 10:58pm | IP Logged
Very well written! Story is nice.Clap

Keep writing..

Keep up the gud work..


Hey frn, i also have tried to write story called "Footprint"  n "Whispers From Within" n poem Life is BEautiful". Plz give some feed back. (all positive n negative (constructive) coments are most welcome.

God Bless u n keep in touch alys..

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