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Idle visrom

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visrom

Joined: 26 November 2009

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:34am | IP Logged

Many of us have seen the movie 'Baghban' starring Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini.

For those who have not seen it, just a brief intro - Amit ji and his wife Hema have 4 sons. Amitji thinks that he has 4 sons, so retires from his work without a paisa in his bank account. He one day calls his 4 sons and tells them that now that he has retired, he cannot live independently, so he and Hema would like to live with one of them or take turns living with each of them.
 
The sons are shocked. They were leading independent lives all these years and find it difficult to support their parents. And then the usual drama, tears etc...leave it.
 
Just think - instead of 4 sons, if Amitji had 4 daughters, would he ever have expected his daughters to look after him? The answer is a big NO. He would never have such expectations from a daughter because he would think that she has her hubby, family etc, so lets not trouble them. He would definitely have planned well for his retirement.
 
Even if the daughter visits once a year and buys one single shirt, he would be extremely happy and proudly show it off to everyone in the world. But if it is a son, he expects to go and stay permanently in his son's house, even if the son is staying in a small 2 bhk flat with his wife and kids and there is not even sufficient living space for them.
 
Now guys, what do you think? Why should parents of boys always expect their sons to support them? Why can't they treat their sons just as they would treat their daughters? Why do parents differentiate between sons and daughters? They are treating daughters as sons, educating them, allowing them to do whatever they wish etc, but they are not doing the reverse.
 
Pls post your views.

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Idle Summer3

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:44am | IP Logged
Interesting. Me as a son would take it as a man's responsibility as far as possible to help the parents. The son who is best off should help and contribute to the parents. The daughters may assist where possible but frankly I think it is all a man's job.
If the daughter is working too and able to earn and do well I guess she can help.
I have always taken it as my responsibility and I do not care whether any of my brothers help or contribute. Even if they cannot help financially they should help in other ways.
A friend of mine was in a awkward situation. The mum left the house to the younger brother when she passed away, the house was occupied by the elder brother and the father. The younger brother demanded rental payments from the elder brother. LOL

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love_vs_hate,  ammygurl, 

Idle visrom

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visrom

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:46am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Summer3

Interesting. Me as a son would take it as a man's responsibility as far as possible to help the parents. The son who is best off should help and contribute to the parents. The daughters may assist where possible but frankly I think it is all a man's job.
If the daughter is working too and able to earn and do well I guess she can help.
I have always taken it as my responsibility and I do not care whether any of my brothers help or contribute. Even if they cannot help financially they should help in other ways.
A friend of mine was in a awkward situation. The mum left the house to the younger brother when she passed away, the house was occupied by the elder brother and the father. The younger brother demanded rental payments from the elder brother. LOL
You say 'as far as possible' but what if you are yourself a single child living with wife and kids in a rented tiny 2bhk and your parents say they want to stay permanently with you, is it 'possible'?

Idle blue-ice

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blue-ice

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:50am | IP Logged
Exactly my thoughts.....I really don't know why we think like this...why are daughters not responsible for their parents.....I think that long back when the daughters did not have any stake in their parental property and the sons used to get everything.....it might have its roots in there...that is also how dowry came into play...because the parents used to give their daughter their share in the form of a dowry....but now things have changed.....girls are educated ...they are earning and they have a right in the property.........why shouldn't they be expected to take responsibility of their parents...........I think that the girl should themselves step up to the plate and do what needs to be done..........I have to brothers but I never ever feel that my parents are not my responsibility also................although my mother keeps reminding me that I am a beti and hence I am free from her responsibility.....we fight and I win.........I will never let her win on this one.....one of my brother agrees with me...the other one doesn't but who cares..........I do what I have to do and I always encourage my brothers' wives to do whatever they have to do for their parents............I hate the people who discriminate between a beta and beti...

Idle blue-ice

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blue-ice

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:57am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Summer3

Interesting. Me as a son would take it as a man's responsibility as far as possible to help the parents. The son who is best off should help and contribute to the parents. The daughters may assist where possible but frankly I think it is all a man's job.
If the daughter is working too and able to earn and do well I guess she can help.
I have always taken it as my responsibility and I do not care whether any of my brothers help or contribute. Even if they cannot help financially they should help in other ways.
A friend of mine was in a awkward situation. The mum left the house to the younger brother when she passed away, the house was occupied by the elder brother and the father. The younger brother demanded rental payments from the elder brother. LOL


What if the daughter is not earning....doesn't taking care of the family and house amount to some thing........as long as she is married to her husband whtever he earns is hers also....everything that come in the house after marriage is both their property irrespective of who earned it......so the daughter even if she is not earning can help her parents with her husbands earnings.....It is not only the man's  job to take care of their parents and the sooner we come out of this mentality the better it is for our society........but I know there are some girls who will not take care of their parents on the pretext of being a beti.....but come the time of dividing the property they will be right there fighting for their share......selfish girlsAngry

Idle visrom

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visrom

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 8:59am | IP Logged
Originally posted by blue-ice

Exactly my thoughts.....I really don't know why we think like this...why are daughters not responsible for their parents.....I think that long back when the daughters did not have any stake in their parental property and the sons used to get everything.....it might have its roots in there...that is also how dowry came into play...because the parents used to give their daughter their share in the form of a dowry....but now things have changed.....girls are educated ...they are earning and they have a right in the property.........why shouldn't they be expected to take responsibility of their parents...........I think that the girl should themselves step up to the plate and do what needs to be done..........I have to brothers but I never ever feel that my parents are not my responsibility also................although my mother keeps reminding me that I am a beti and hence I am free from her responsibility.....we fight and I win.........I will never let her win on this one.....one of my brother agrees with me...the other one doesn't but who cares..........I do what I have to do and I always encourage my brothers' wives to do whatever they have to do for their parents............I hate the people who discriminate between a beta and beti...
You are right from your point of view. But I am talking about the parents view. Daughters have the freedom to choose in what way they want to help their parents and whatever daughters do, the parents are happy. But not the same with sons....they expect sooo much more from their sons. Why don't they leave sons free as well?
 
Think of parents who have only daughters....the daughters would definitely take care of their parents. What if both the daughters are living with their in-laws? Would the parents force their way into their daughters' families? NEVER. They will stay independently and be happy if the daughters visit them once in a while. Not the same with sons!!!

Idle blue-ice

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blue-ice

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Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:05am | IP Logged
Its not about the will of our parents....its about our will and responsibility...what will does a 70 year old man or a woman has .....they have done their share by raising u....its ur turn now.........don't run away from the responsibilities....

Idle visrom

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visrom

Joined: 26 November 2009

Posts: 23435

Posted: 11 February 2010 at 9:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by blue-ice

Its not about the will of our parents....its about our will and responsibility...what will does a 70 year old man or a woman has .....they have done their share by raising u....its ur turn now.........don't run away from the responsibilities....
I am not running away. My situation is different from what you think. And I don't wish to discuss it. Smile

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