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From the depth of a dark heart:The consequence (Page 5)

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Sumi_162710

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Sumi_162710

Joined: 14 September 2008

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Posted: 21 February 2010 at 11:35am | IP Logged
Awe.....I agree wid serendipity.....ur writing is magical!! Finally I hav got a new rod to describe Sur....yay!! U knw wat....when I start reading....I just donno where its gonna end....how its gonna end...wat its al abt....and the interest n curiosity increases wid each word....thats the best part abt ur writing dear!! U hav this certain power of keeping us glued....EmbarrassedEmbarrassed....and its just mesmerizing!! And abt the story....wat to say...I just loved the last line....in fact when she had said...."She wud follow the footprints when she loses him"....I was like....why she thinks she'll lose him....she shud not be thinking like that....and then at the end she really didnt think like that...LOL....so it was all very beautiful dear!!

And guess....u r having sum refreshment tym amidst the xams....LOLLOL...umm....itna to chalta hi hai...hehe.LOL So gud job dear!! Loved it totally!!Big smileBig smile

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Sur_10

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ammygurl

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ammygurl

Joined: 22 November 2008

Posts: 4331

Posted: 23 February 2010 at 2:35am | IP Logged
OKay.. this is something unexpected coming out from you! come on.. you were never into Romances..But I must confess, to my horror... :D You have written it very well...exactly my feelings when i look at water!
Awesome SIRIUS beta.. you are getting into SERIOUS stuff! :D
Take care
Love you soo much.. this is the best gift you could have given me.. :D
James. :)

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Sur_10

Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1838

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 5:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by _.serendipity._

Oh I thought your previous piece was the last, because it was called 'The End' Embarrassed ..it later ocurred 2 me that it might be misintepreted. but yeah, I guess that was just the title LOL And I'm soooo glad I got it wrong!!!! Big smile Dancing even i am!
It was lovely to read your latest! thanku This is brilliant, Sur!! This has got to be your BEST piece so far!! I can't even describe how much I love it. Especially the way you used images of waves! Ooh, and the way he came back! I'm seriously running out of words here. Your writing  is .. magical!! StarStarStar
Write on, Sur! oooh..im really happy u liked this...u see im not into romance much- it confuses me so much!
 
Ps. Hope your exams went well? nah..they were hell
thanks for commenting Hema!


Edited by Sur_Singhania - 26 February 2010 at 7:35am

Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1838

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 5:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sumaiya wahid

Awe.....I agree wid serendipity.....ur writing is magical!! really????oh thanks so much!!! Finally I hav got a new rod to describe Sur....yay!! lolz U knw wat....when I start reading....I just donno where its gonna end....how its gonna end...wat its al abt....and the interest n curiosity increases wid each word....thats the best part abt ur writing dear!! aww...im glad u read it so carefully...nd it didnt frustrate u!!! U hav this certain power of keeping us glued....EmbarrassedEmbarrassed....and its just mesmerizing!! And abt the story....wat to say...I just loved the last line....in fact when she had said...."She wud follow the footprints when she loses him"....I was like....why she thinks she'll lose him....she shud not be thinking like that....and then at the end she really didnt think like that...LOL....so it was all very beautiful dear!! yeah...we dont know is going 2 happen...she never illusioned herself but just kept faith...

And guess....u r having sum refreshment tym amidst the xams....LOLLOL...umm....itna to chalta hi hai...hehe.LOL So gud job dear!! Loved it totally!!Big smileBig smile is refreshment ki wajah se mera 20 no. ka paper blank gaya hai!thats costly isnt it?anyways thanks for commenting!nd spanking me dat day atleast  i studied for some time(not that it did me any gud)


Edited by Sur_Singhania - 26 February 2010 at 7:39am

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Sumi_162710

Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1838

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 5:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ammygurl

OKay.. this is something unexpected coming out from you! yeah i know thats why i forced u 2 read it! come on.. you were never into Romances..hehe u know how beautifully they soar over my head...But I must confess, to my horror... :D You have written it very well...exactly my feelings when i look at water! i knew if theres one psycho who cud relate 2 u, its u...k just kidding thanks
Awesome SIRIUS beta.. you are getting into SERIOUS stuff! :D lolz
Take care u 2!
Love you soo much.. this is the best gift you could have given me.. :D  really?no need 2 get the book yet..ok dont answer that one i wil get it!
James. :)


Edited by Sur_Singhania - 26 February 2010 at 7:41am

Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1838

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 7:45am | IP Logged
The consequence
I sit on the low wall fencing the garden below her building. My hands are shaking a bit from the cold breeze- I should have brought along a coat. The events of the last few hours are spinning in my head, literally flashing before my eyes and making me feel dizzy. My emotions are so coagulated that I myself can't sort hatred from remorse, fear from anxiety and disappointment from bitterness. I bury my head in my hands, as once again the last few hours come back…

I walked in the party, adjusting my sleeves. This was the first social interaction I was having in months. The dim lights made everything glitter strangely. I myself don't know why I was attending this party. As though on their own account, my limbs had started working, dressing and driving to this venue. I did not resist. I smiled and greeted everyone I met. This was not as bad as I thought. It was worse. And then I saw her. She was wearing a beautiful evening gown, her hair caressing her face, smiling brilliantly. One of her arms was draped around her husband's who looked least interested in the party. I moved to the bar and sat down without a drink viewing her very carefully as she pulled him to the dance floor and wrapped her arms around his neck. He reciprocated her gestures, holding her very close. I clenched my fists as she tilted her head, talking to him with her lips inches away from his. My vision blurred and my burned as she held him close, waltzing romantically. His possessive grip on her waist, the way she stared into his eyes- nothing escaped my eyes….

I open my eyes with a snap and look around. The confusion seems to have died. I get up and move purposefully towards her flat, taking the stairs. I open the door with the spare key kept under the doormat and step in the dark flat. I stroll into her bedroom and see her sleeping peacefully with her arms draped around him. Purple satin duvet clashes beautifully against her milky skin. Her curls are spread over her bare back. My fists coil up as I my gaze fixes over their interlocked hands. Slowly and firmly, I draw out the gun and take aim, careful not to hurt her. Bullet shot breaks the silence as blood fountains out of his chest. He doesn't even wake up but she does. The sound breaks her spell and she sits up looking around wildly. She looks surprised to see me here and I notice every change of emotion in her features carefully. She looked down at him and sees blood. Her eyes take in the scene but her brain registers nothing. Slowly, as though in an age, an expression of horror overcomes her pretty face. I feel sorry for her but as she tries to rouse the dead man beside her, my sympathy changes to rage.

"Get off him!" I hear my voice scream as she hugs him, urging him to get up. Only then she looks around to see me standing with the gun and screams.

"You killed him…" her voice gave away as tears streamed down her eyes. I do not understand why- she belongs with me and I can make her happier than anyone else as my love is the strongest.

I move towards her and speak in a gentle voice, "I love you…don't cry…" she looked up at me in shock and becomes very still.

 Suddenly she lunges at me, snatches the gun and shoots herself. I stand there looking at her blood stained figure lying across her husband's. She looks beautiful even in death. I try to shake her to make her smile so that I could see the effect in the moonlight but fail. Exasperated I pick up the gun, point it to my heart and shoot. But nothing happens. I had forgotten to reload the gun.

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rashikoradia_.serendipity._valliyah-serenity-dazzling_glorySweet-LionessSumi_162710A-N-S-H-I-K-A

_.serendipity._

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_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 8:28am | IP Logged
Hey Sur! Smile
This piece was brilliant as always!! You captured the maddening obsession of this guy so well..it felt totally real. Wow! Shocked I imagine it must be difficult to empathise with states of mind so radical..but you do it soooo beautifully Clap Clap Clap And I like the end, where he wants to kill himself but his gun isn't loaded. It's very meaningful without the meaning being very obvious..and I like writings that are like that; they make for very interesting reading because they're intriguing and one has to think about them, beyond them. It gave me the feeling that he can't escape the consequences of his action, his guilt. He can't end it all so easily.. I don't know if I'm interpreting it the way you meant it?
I'm sorry your exams didn't go so well Disapprove ..or maybe, they actually did. You just think you did badly..I often think I've flunked but the results aren't so bad! Tongue Don't worry..in fact, don't even think about the exams. They're over now!! So celebrate!! Big smile Dancing DancingDancing Do you have holidays now?

Sumi_162710

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Sumi_162710

Joined: 14 September 2008

Posts: 6229

Posted: 26 February 2010 at 9:22am | IP Logged
Firstly....sorry to write 'rod' instead of 'word'....in the previous reply...lolz!! I am still laughing over that....hehe. And this 'The consequence'....well wat to say....the guy is a fool!! U knw wat....its a pretty engaging story....but donno why I felt like laughing as he said...he forgot to reload the gun....stupid kahin ka....hehe. But yeah....I surely kinda got wat u tried to portray....it was beautiful dear....but am in a gud mood I guess....isiliye chhoti chhoti baaton pe hassi aa rahi hai....lolz!!

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