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False Mirror - Part 3- The Final Part Pg 8 (Page 8)

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-Aria-

IF-Dazzler

-Aria-

Joined: 29 April 2009

Posts: 3826

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 12:44am | IP Logged

By the lake

 

 

I knew you'd be here, he stared out blankly at the lake ahead.

 

Those flowers are beautiful. He stirred slightly..and smiled, I know you love white orchids.

I thought you'd never remember. I lied, I knew he'd never forget.

This day? He asked turning towards me. He had lost some weight, needed a haircut badly but his dimples were still the same.

I smiled back, No, the flowers, silly! I playfully slapped his forehead..

 

And we slipped into silence, no one kept track of the minutes..

 

Finally he turned towards me, and spoke gently – over the past year, there hasn't been a day when I haven't seen you seated here all alone through that window. And he pointed to the hospital across the lake. Thank you for being there for me. And, I am sorry it took so long for me to get here. I could feel the pain in his voice as he spoke.

I couldn't if I wanted to, my world revolves around you. I suddenly felt liberated talking to him, as if he was setting me free, from these shackles, it was a strange sensation…

He wiped his moist eyes, and mouthed a soft, I miss you.

I miss you too. I placed my hand on his.

And we slipped into silence again…

We didn't realize, when the sun had set, and the winds had picked up as they usually did at this hour of the day. The simmering lights from beyond the lake, told us, it was time to leave.

I'm sorry for everything, he broke the silence. I love you…

I remained quiet…I have to go now, I whispered.

I know he said. And got up reluctantly, placed the flowers on the bench beside me; stared into my eyes as he spoke, I'll be back tomorrow, he could no longer hold back his tears. In all our years together, I had never seen him cry.

I watched his retreating back for as long as I could see his figure in the fading lights..till it merged into nothingness..into the void leaving nothing but emptiness where I sat.

I love you too, I told myself…as I moved my hand over the beautiful flowers he had placed beside me, it was nothing ...I couldn't trap time…we had lost.. had come too far from everything, from us and from life…Good bye my love.

~~~

As the morning sun seeped through the heavy tree cover surrounding the lake, a ray of light shone brilliantly, focused on the bench, where the dew-laden flowers remained untouched.

 

 

 

I know this is short, but it's the logical end to this truly experimental piece.

 

 

 

 



Edited by olive_green - 22 June 2010 at 12:54am

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..KaJenDelena..Sur_10ScatteredCastleSunainaTM007-Sookie-RadiantTreasurePrasanthi

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Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1836

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:01am | IP Logged
amazingly beautiful piece...and since im in a general emotional mood now a days, i loved it even more.
the pain, love- all of it was too good...i actually dont know how to comment this time...
but why the final part? no more os Cry
the scenes were really flashing in front of my eyes...the last one, where the orchids lay untouched was too good.
Hey i never even realized im not in ur buddy list...thnx for adding me...and the pm too
Sur

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

-Aria-

-Aria-

IF-Dazzler

-Aria-

Joined: 29 April 2009

Posts: 3826

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:10am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Sur_Singhania

amazingly beautiful piece...and since im in a general emotional mood now a days, i loved it even more.
the pain, love- all of it was too good...i actually dont know how to comment this time...
but why the final part? no more os Cry
the scenes were really flashing in front of my eyes...the last one, where the orchids lay untouched was too good.
Hey i never even realized im not in ur buddy list...thnx for adding me...and the pm too
Sur
 
Thanks for your quick response Sur. Actually, even I am very emotional today, I don't know why..Confused. This is the logical end to this piece don't you think? Appropriately a little sad...I don't know about any more OS, I seem to be suffering terribly from a writers block at the momentCry - I can't seem to write a word for either of my FFs.Ouch
 

Sur_10

Goldie

Sur_10

Joined: 23 August 2009

Posts: 1836

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:18am | IP Logged
Originally posted by olive_green

Originally posted by Sur_Singhania

amazingly beautiful piece...and since im in a general emotional mood now a days, i loved it even more.
the pain, love- all of it was too good...i actually dont know how to comment this time...
but why the final part? no more os Cry
the scenes were really flashing in front of my eyes...the last one, where the orchids lay untouched was too good.
Hey i never even realized im not in ur buddy list...thnx for adding me...and the pm too
Sur
 
Thanks for your quick response Sur. Actually, even I am very emotional today, I don't know why..Confused. This is the logical end to this piece don't you think? Appropriately a little sad...I don't know about any more OS, I seem to be suffering terribly from a writers block at the momentCry - I can't seem to write a word for either of my FFs.Ouch
 
hehe seems like a common problem...i updated my ff on gun point a week ago...anyways since im on an official vacation, i do have a valid excuse.end is logical for sure...but still,its good to read more isnt it?

-Aria-

IF-Dazzler

-Aria-

Joined: 29 April 2009

Posts: 3826

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Sur_Singhania

hehe seems like a common problem...i updated my ff on gun point a week ago...anyways since im on an official vacation, i do have a valid excuse.end is logical for sure...but still,its good to read more isnt it?
 
Sur..now now don't go around giivng people any ideas, shhh!!Wink And yes, its vacation time you should be outdoors enjoying summerBig smile

Prasanthi

IF-Rockerz

Prasanthi

Joined: 24 June 2008

Posts: 5421

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:33am | IP Logged
Hey A!
That was an awesome ending given to this, sad though. A bit emotional too. The last 2 lines are too touching for some reason. I liked them. I have a query. Why is that these kind of pieces have a sad ending?
 
A, a very true experimental piece from you and I liked it. Thanks for the pm!
 
 

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-Aria-

-Sookie-

IF-Dazzler

-Sookie-

Joined: 09 January 2009

Posts: 2517

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 1:37am | IP Logged
Alright. What's with you now? First Kiz and now you who is writing morbid stuff. (Yeah, I can't believe I am saying this as I have infested this forum with 20 odd morbid tales)

But this does not suit you. Not at all. It may be because I know you outside the forum and see you and know you in a different way. And that shows in your writing. The people are too detached. The context is too bleak and ending is truly sad. Reading your other works (be it PM or the masterpiece IOL or AR Experiment), the characters are much different. There is an underlying kinship between them and when I read about them the chemistry between them becomes evident. Know what I mean?

Remember the last update on this thread? You talked about Spring and I said Autumn and offline we talked about perspective of a story or even few lines of it and how it could change the whole context. I am now certain that an Autumn piece would have fit better here as the way the story ended looks like it was a winter morning.

Writing and content wise, of course its brilliant. There is no doubt about it and you have an unique way when you express things. But content wise, I would have said "I love it" had it been written by someone else but in this case, knowing you, I was looking for a totally happy ending. You know the AR experimentation thread? That variety!

I may be biased or prejudiced and have a clearly cut expectation from writers but when I know them personally, it is hard for me to be critical about their work. Or to accept anything new from them when they write anything outside their signature style.

But then again A, I love these types of stories where two characters are seen from a distant and reader has to understand their relationship, bond and the depth of emotions by reading the additional info you provide by talking about the setting or the interactions between characters. That is something I loved it here and is perhaps very unique to you.

Okay, I wrote way too much. Stopping here.

S

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

-Aria-RadiantTreasureScatteredCastlePrasanthi

ScatteredCastle

IF-Dazzler

ScatteredCastle

Joined: 04 February 2010

Posts: 2559

Posted: 22 June 2010 at 4:43am | IP Logged
reserved! :)
 
-edit-
 
Aww..Aria, I loved it man. Though it differed from your style way too much, (as sookie already said)I seem to be developing a kind of aura about this one. It was as if I had the very scene happening right infront of my eyes. It was immensely short, should have been extended, but the uniqueness of plot, kept me intrigued, till the very last. The last two lines, touched me greatly, dunno why... but the words just made me smile. Seriously, it was one unexpected work, but this just shined out on it's way.
 
Superb work, A!
Keep posting in more! :)
 
&& I miss FOTW Embarrassed
 
 
 


Edited by Angel-Pebby - 22 June 2010 at 5:09am

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-Aria-

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