Chapter 7: Showdown
Princess had never seen so much food before in her life. Only in her dreams. She ripped open the boxes like they were birthday presents; like this was the birthday she's always wanted. Instead, her parents had given her pencils and rulers and textbooks. Always investments for the future. Never momentary pleasures, like the apple she now held in her hand. This would be one apple she wouldn't sacrifice to her teachers.
"Princess, are you alright?" Vincent waved his hand an inch from her face. "Is there something special about that apple?"
"Yes, there is." She put the apple with its brothers and sisters, and carried the crate to Fridgy. "Open wide."
Fridgy opened up after a little tap on its side, and devoured the food.
Vincent set himself back down into his hammock. Old Hobo Joe had apparently sewn a bunch of old socks together that he'd found in dumpsters. "Have you noticed anything strange about Sunflower lately?"
Princess shrugged and smuggled some bread into her shirt. "She's been working really hard lately, but that's not really strange."
"It isn't?"
"Not for people like her. She's the kind of person who likes working. It's her nature, I guess."
A smile trickled up Vincent's face. He was obviously relieved. "What about you? Do you enjoy working?"
That was a hard question, so she had to think about it for a few moments of chewing. "I guess in some circumstances I do. I like working when I'm working for something special. Something I really want to accomplish. For me, that's becoming a professional gluttonist. What about you, Vincent?"
"I told you already. I want my father to know how much he's hurt me."
Princess fed some frozen chicken to Fridgy and turned around. "That's a good goal to have, but that doesn't count as your dream."
"It doesn't?"
"Your dream has to be about you. It has to be really special to you. What do you really want for yourself?"
"I…I don't know."
Sunflower came in with a serious look on her face, that didn't belong on someone with that name.
"What's wrong?" Vincent asked.
"I made some calls," Sunflower said. "And an inspector is going to be here soon, to make sure everything's up to code. The bad news is that I learned some things about our inspector. He's called the Cowboy."
"Because he's so tough?" Princess guessed.
"That, and he dresses up like a cowboy." She checked her watch.
Princess almost dropped the mushrooms she was holding. "Why are you looking at your watch? He's not coming today, is he?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't have much of a choice. It was either now or later. A lot later. He'll be here in a few hours."
"But we just got our food! How can we become a restaurant in a few hours?!?"
"It's not as bad as you think. He'll poke around a little and judge whether or not we're safe. It's only an initial inspection. But if we fail, we won't be able to open."
Princess was usually good at tests, but right about now, she felt like….well, she felt like Ein.
***
In his suit and top hat, Ein walked down the road to work, whistling as he went. He swung his cane around and around, and the flowers swayed with the rhythm of his morning song.
He reached his destination and looked up. The skyscraper reached high into the air, past the clouds, into space. He walked inside, smiling.
"Good morning, Mr. Masters," said the receptionist.
"It always is, with you here to greet me," answered Ein.
"Oh, Mr. Masters."
Ein entered the elevator and pressed the button for the 2987th floor. A second later, the door opened, and the boss flung himself at Ein, and gave him a big bear hug.
"What's this for, sir?"
"Why, for such an excellent job with the report, of course."
"Just doing my job." Ein pried his boss off of him, and found his way to his cubicle. It was a nice cubicle, big, but not too big. He took a moment to study all the pictures tacked to the wall. He saw Daisy in her beautiful daisy-print dress, and his son at a little league game hitting a home run, and his daughter in a gymnastics tournament.
A smiley head popped out in his entranceway. "Hey, Ein. Me and the guys are heading to the pub today after work. Want to join us?"
"Sorry, chum, but I promised the wife I'd take her dancing."
The smiley head winked at Ein--"I gotcha"--and disappeared.
Ein sat at his desk and went to work on his computer, typing at lightning or something faster than lighting-fast speed.
What a life he had.
He reached for the mouse, and instead felt something furry. It wasn't a mouse at all, but Ratty's big fuzzy head! Ein screamed and rocked back in his chair, causing him to fall onto the floor. He couldn't move. Above him, Vincent appeared, and grabbed Ein's computer.
"You can't steal that! The Company needs it!"
"Need shmeed," Vincent said. "I need this for a foot rest."
Ein tried to stand, but he couldn't.
The cubicle was no longer in the office building, but the haunted house. Ghosts and witches flew around, cackling, laughing at him.
He watched Vincent steal object after object, and those things he didn't steal were eaten by Ratty. He tried to reach out to at least save the pictures of his family, but he couldn't quite reach. In the end, Ratty chewed them up, and--
"Ein…Ein!--The class is over and--"
Ein shook his head, dislodging the daydream from his consciousness. "Oh…thanks, Chucky."
Chucky slid on his backpack. "Want to come to my house again today?--I got a new photograph of bigfoot, it's really--"
"Not today, Chucky. I have some thinking to do."
***
"Hello there, little lady." The Cowboy tipped his hat, then dismounted from his horse.
The best Princess could guess, he had rung the doorbell with the whip strapped to his side. "Come in, Mr…Cowboy."
"Thank ya, kindly." He stepped inside, shoes clinking against the floor.
Vincent, Sunflower and Old Hobo Joe stood nearby, with perfect posture, eyes on the Cowboy. Princess joined the line.
The Cowboy squinted and slowly moved his head, left, then right. He took out his gun, pointed it at Princess, and fired.
"Ahhh!"
The tip of a pen extended from the gun and the Cowboy used it to scribble something down on his handkerchief. "Ya got a simple place here, I tell ya what. Reminds me of the house I grew up in. Me and mama hardly had the spoon to scoop our soup by."
Princess sighed with relief. If their restaurant somehow touched his heart, maybe--
"I hated that house." The Cowboy shuddered. "Every time I think of it, I git shivers all up my spine cord." He wrote something else down. "Let's see yer kitchen."
The group followed the Cowboy into the mirror room.
The Cowboy looked around, then--"I see ya gonna use paper plates and plastical silverware. Don't even need no dishwasher." He stared out the window. "I 'member when I bought mama her first dishwasher. How happy she was. Before the dishwasher back when we was poor, we'd stay up till sunset washin' dishes together, side by side, hands in the water, cryin'. Like we was tryin' ta wash away all our pains."
Princess leaned over to Sunflower's ear. "He hates us."
The Cowboy made his rounds about the kitchen.
"Rrrr!"
"By golly, what was that?" The Cowboy arched an eyebrow.
"Oh, uh." Princess's eyes darted around then rested on her stomach. "Must be my stomach growling."
"I coulda sworn the sound was comin' from--"
"Mr. Cowboy, look!" Princess pointed at the wall, then moved her hand so she was pointing out the window. "Is that your horse escaping?"
The Cowboy turned away from the fridge just in time to miss its awakening.
Old Hobo Joe lunged at Fridgy and wrestled it back toward its proper spot.
The Cowboy took off his hat and scratched his gray hair. "I don't see Thunderbird. Surely he's still tied up out front."
"But what about that little dot in the distance?" Princess said.
"Little lady, I'm pretty sure that's a mailbox."
"Really? I could've sworn…"
"Anyway, back to the inspection." He turned around and barely missed Old Hobo Joe's triumphant victory against Fridgy in round two.
Old Hobo Joe leaned against Fridge and pretended to whistle, though no sound came out of his mouth. Luckily, Vincent covered up his mouth with a hand and made the whistling sounds for him.
The Cowboy looked at Old Hobo Joe, then the area where Vincent was standing.
Princess cleared her throat. "Uh…Joe is a ventriloquist."
The Cowboy nodded and held his stomach. "Boy am I hungry. Can't really think on an empty stomach. Maybe we should reschedule this for some other time."
"No!" Princess burst. "Don't be ridiculous. We'll cook you something. This is a restaurant after all. Right?"
"I reckon that'd be fine. I'll go wait in the eatin' hall." He clanked out the door.
"So." Princess opened Fridgy and turned around. "Does anyone know how to cook?"
"I can make a few tofu dishes," Sunflower said. "But the Cowboy doesn't seem like a tofu kind of guy."
"You're right." Princess bit her lip. She took a deep breath, and held out a fist. "We can do it! I know we can! If we work together, I'm sure we can make something great! Greater than great!"
The others nodded and they went to work.
It started as a simple sandwich.
"Here," Princess said. "I'm sure he'll want some meat." She managed to get one of the ten slices of meat onto the bread without eating it.
"Here's some tomatoes," said Sunflower.
"I got…something." Vincent added his handful.
Old Hobo Joe stuck in some anchovies from his pocket.
"I think we need more sweetness." Princess searched around. "Bananas! That would work great!"
Vincent lifted a long vegetable with two fingers. "I'll add…this thing."
This continued on for ten more minutes.
Finally--
The Cowboy took the first bite and chewed slowly.
Princess, Vincent, Sunflower and Old Hobo Joe stared at him, gleaming hope.
The Cowboy took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow, which spread his written notes all over his wet skin. "That was mighty sweet. I tell ya what, I love sweet."
Yes!
"Too bad it was also bitter, sour, spicy, salty, and some other tastes I ain't got no words ta describe. That was by far the worst thing I ever tasted, and I was once trapped in a cave and had ta live offa guano fer two weeks."
No…
"But luckily for the four of ya, taste ain't got nothin' ta do with the restaurant buiness. If it don't hurt ya, it ain't illegal. So if I don't find no major problem before I leave, I'm gonna give you kids permission ta open up."
"Thank you, Mr. Cowboy!" Princess said.
"All in a day's work, little miss. All in a day's work."
Ratty had to pick that exact moment to trot in. Princess blamed herself though. She was the one who yelled. Ratty probably wanted to see what was going on.
"In all my years, I ain't never seen such a thing. Is that there a giant rat?"
"Uh…" Princess said, then looked at Sunflower.
"Uh…" Sunflower said, then looked at Vincent.
"Uh…" Vincent said, then looked at Old Hobo Joe.
Old Hobo Joe opened his mouth for a second, then looked at Ratty.
"That's no ordinary rat," someone said.
That voice. Princess spun around. "Ein?"
Ein nodded at Princess, and faced the Cowboy. "You see…uh…that's my seeing eye rat." He stepped forward, holding out his hands. "Come here, Ratty."
Ratty stepped over and lifted his tail so Ein could grab on.
And grab on he did. Ein's cheeks started to puff out and he vibrated all over, so much Fridgy couldn't compete. His eyes twitched, one after the other, but still he didn't let go.
The Cowboy stood from his seat. "I ain't never heard of no seein eye rat."
Ein scoffed. "We'll I've never heard of an inspector wearing cowboy clothes."
"How would you know what I'm wearing, if ya really are blind?" The Cowboy narrowed his eyes, his fingers only millimeters from his gun, ready to draw.
Ein tightened his hold on Ratty's tail. The next move would determine it all. "I…uh…my blindness is the kind that comes and goes."
The Cowboy stared at him with rock-solid eyes. He moved his hand away from the gun. "You won this round, children. But I warn ya, this ain't the last showdown. Not by far. Adios."
With that, he stepped outside, mounted his horse, and rode into the not-quite-a-sunset.
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