After School Special
Chapter 1: Those special dreamsEin wanted to be normal.
Droplets of sweat jumped off his fingertips, twirled about his pencil, and rained down on his paper. This was it: the Final Test. All he had to do was pass this simple algebra exam, and he could graduate, and he would be on his way to the life he always wanted.
Ein stared at the first problem, but he could hardly see anything through the puffy skin that surrounded his eyes. Whenever he took a test, his face would puff up like marshmallows in a microwave. No matter, this would be a synch. He knew algebra, like the back of his hand. He stared at the back of his hand and spotted a mole he'd never seen before.
WHAT IF HE FAILED???
He could see his future children now, sitting at his feet, as he read to them by the fireplace. "Daddy, why did you fail high school algebra?" asked his daughter. "Daddy, is it normal for people to go to high school for more than four years?" asked his son.
Ein gripped his pencil so hard, it snapped in half. No matter, it still worked. His watch beeped. Only five minutes left! He concentrated and calculated the answers in his head.
One minute left, and he'd almost finished calculating the last problem. He was actually going to make it. He was going to graduate.
Thirty seconds left, and he realized that although he'd been calculating the answers to these problems, he'd forgotten to write the answers on the page. The answer to question #1 was 2X+3. Wasn't it? He scribbled down the answers, and finished the instant Mrs. Butterfield said, "Pencils down!"
Ein looked over at Princess. She was, of course, busy sneaking cookies into her mouth when the teacher wasn't looking. When she noticed him looking at her, she arched an eyebrow, and Ein shrugged. She gave him a confident thumbs up. At least she believed in him.
The bell rang.
Everyone rushed out, but Ein. He approached Mrs. Butterfield and cleared his throat.
"Yes, Mr. Masters?"
"Um, Mrs. Butterfield, I know you like watching your soap between classes, but I was wondering if you could grade my test right now. It's just'my whole livelihood depends on this grade. If I fail then'then I don't know what I'm going to do."
She stared at him for a few moments then nodded. "Sit down and I'll grade. But know, I'm only doing this because I believe in you, Mr. Masters." She rummaged through the pile of tests. "I do hope you graduate. I really do." She found his test, and twirled her favorite red marker with her fingers. "I look at your brother, and I know that you have the genetics to be something very special. When I spoke to your parents during our parent-teacher meeting, I could tell that you have wonderful family support." Her marker pecked at the page like a starving chicken. "You mother is a doctor, and your father is a lawyer. You have the potential, but I fear that if you don't put your mind to your studies, you'll never get anywhere in the world. I don't know what it is about you, Mr. Masters. Perhaps you have some sort of addiction."
Yeah right. The last horrible substance Ein allowed into his body was eating glue in kindergarten.
"Or perhaps you're spending all your time trying to get girls."
Ein almost laughed, but he didn't.
"In any case, Mr. Masters, I hope you can learn to work harder, because grades like this just aren't going to cut it in the real world." She handed him the test.
Ein ran outside and found Princess waiting for him.
She pulled the lollypop out of her mouth. "Well?"
He held out the test. "D-! I'm going to graduate!" Somehow, at that moment, he felt richer than the wealthiest kid in the world.
***
Vincent Vandervander knew what it was going to be. His father wasn't one of those normal dads who gave expensive sports cars or houses. His father thought big. At the least, he'd be getting a multi-million dollar company. Perhaps even a small country. Whatever it was, Vincent zoomed through the hallways in his vanity wheelchair, and skidded into his father's chamber.
"You wanted to speak to me about something, father?"
His father sipped champagne, while the chimpanzee butlers fanned him on all sides. He sat up on his nest of pastel pillows and motioned for Vincent to come closer.
Vincent obeyed. "If this is about my graduation present, father, I just want you to know, I don't care what you give me, as long as it comes from the heart." Vincent knew that would spawn a smile. His father ate that stuff up like caviar.
"That's good to know, Vincent. But I know you don't mean it."
Vincent frowned. He didn't like his father's tone. "What is this about?"
"Growing up, every possible want and need I ever had was taken care of. When I wanted a car, I got a car. When I wanted a wife, I bought your mother." His father's voice made it seem like these were bad things. "But this is not the life I want for you, my son. There must be more to life than getting everything you could possibly want. I won't pretend to know what that thing is, but I want you to have the chance to find it. Therefore--"
"Father!" Vincent scrambled off his wheelchair and grabbed his father's hand. "Whatever you're about to say, don't say it. Please."
"Therefore, your graduation present is'complete and utter independence!"
Vincent fell to his knees. "Father, no!"
His father's stone face didn't waver. "I've already made your decision. There's no need fussing about the inevitable."
"Can I at least keep the credit cards?"
His father shook his head.
Vincent tried to make a run for it, but his father motioned to the chimpanzees. The primates held Vincent down and took his European handbag.
His father found the credit cards, and began cutting them with the oversized golden scissors he'd used the day before at the grand opening of one of his new buildings.
Vincent reached out, but the chimps held him back. "Please, not Frederick too!"
"Frederick too." His father snipped the last credit. "You're free, my son."
"But father, I don't want to be free! Freedom is where all the poor people live!"
His father dropped the dead carcasses of the cards onto the floor. "And now you are one of them."
"Can I at least keep this sweater?"
"I'll buy you a new outfit at Q-Mart."
"Noooooo!"
***
Ein ran into his room and locked the door. Ah, sanctuary. He had everything an average teenage boy should have. A bookshelf filled with books he'd never read and never would read, posters of popular movies and bands (most of which he didn't really like), a messed up bed, and a desk healthy enough to do homework on.
Here, Ein felt the most normal.
The phone rang.
"Hello, this is Ein."
"Moshi-moshi."
"Hi, Princess."
"Ein, what are you're plans for college?"
A giant flem ball clogged Ein's throat. It took him a few moments to swallow it down. "Where did this come from all of a sudden? We've never talked about this before."
"I'm just curious."
"Well you know I won't get to go to the college you go to. We'll just have to be online friends after graduation."
Princess sighed. "Doesn't that make you sad?"
"Of course it does. You're my'well, you're my best friend."
Princess was silent.
Ein coughed into the phone, then--"So, uh, where did you get accepted?"
"I got accepted to all the schools I applied for, but my parents want me to go to OCRA. It has a really good medical program. So I guess that's where I'm going. What about you? What colleges did you get into?"
Ein really didn't want to answer that question, but then again, Princess was his best friend. By putting up with him for all these years, she'd earned the right to know things like this. "I uh'I didn't get into any."
"Not one?"
"Nope." He lowered his eyes and stared at the floor, even though there was no one else in the room. "Princess, I have something I want to tell you. It's'not easy for me to say. I haven't told anyone the truth about this."
"What is it, Ein?"
"It's about my SAT scores. You know how I told you I did alright on it?"
"Yes."
"That was a lie. I actually got a really, really, really bad score."
"How bad?"
"Well'I got a zero."
Princess was quiet for a moment, then burst out laughing. "You almost had me there for a second."
Ein felt weak all of a sudden, and he wanted to lie down and sleep for a few years. "I'm being serious. I got a zero. I'm the biggest loser in the world."
She stopped laughing. "I'm sure there've been others who've gotten zeroes."
There was a beep. "Hold on. I got someone on the other line." Ein pressed the button. "Hello, this is Ein."
"Hello, this is Charles Green on behalf of the Grimace Book of World Records. I'm calling to inform you that you have achieved a new world record. No other person in the history of Earth has ever received a zero on their SATs. You even did worse than that dog who accidentally took it back in '92 when--"
Ein pressed the button again. "Princess?"
"I'm still here. Who was on the other line?"
"My confidence." Ein lowered himself onto the floor and curled up in a little ball. "He said he's going away, and he doesn't know if he's ever coming back."
***
Sunflower unbuckled her briefcase and packed her things. "I said I'm going away, and I don't know if I'm ever coming back!"
Her parents, Moon and Shine, blocked her doorway. "You aren't going anywhere, young lady," said Moon. "We're doing this for your own good," said Shine.
Sunflower placed her pens into her briefcase, in a straight row. "I don't care what you think. I'm going."
Shine stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Listen to me, Sunflower. I'm your mother, and I know what's best for you. You can't just go out there and forget everything we've taught you."
"I can and I will." Sunflower put her calculator into the briefcase so that it was perpendicular to the pencils.
Moon rubbed his forehead, like he always did when he was upset. "So you're going to waste your life, drowning yourself in numbers and documents."
"That's right. I am." Sunflower buckled up her briefcase. "Goodbye, mom. Goodbye, dad."
Her parents still blocked the doorway. "What about the values we taught you?" said Moon. "I thought you knew that hard work isn't important. I thought you were smarter than that."
"I guess I'm not." Sunflower looked at her parents one last time. They were spotted with color from the painting they were working on. Together, her parents were two ends of a rainbow. A rainbow that was in her way of achieving her dreams. So she grabbed her briefcase, and squeezed between the rainbow until she was free.
Sunflower was tired of colors. She was tired of the paintings and the sculptures and the poetry. She wanted black and white. Numbers. But most of all, equations that always made sense.
***
"It doesn't make any sense, Ein." Princess sat on Ein's bed. "You're a smart enough. I don't see how you could get a zero. It must be a mistake."
Ein swiveled in his chair, back and forth. "It doesn't really matter anymore anyway. I'm already enrolled in community college classes for this summer. I'll be fine."
Princess's eyes widened. "Oh yeah, I baked you some feel-better cookies!" She searched her backpack and pulled out an empty bag. "I guess I ate 'em all. Sorry."
Ein shook his head. "What I don't understand is how you can eat so much, and still stay so skinny."
"It's a gift, I guess." She laughed, then fidgeted with her fingers. "Ein, remember when we were little kids?"
"Yes."
"I remember you used to always tell me about your life. Not the life you had, I mean the one you wanted to have when you grew up. And it was always the same. You wanted to be the president of your high school, then go to OCRA like your mom did, then meet the girl of your dreams."
"Yeah, I was pretty stupid back then."
Princess shook her head, hard. "No, you weren't. I guess I just want to say that I'm sorry. Sorry that things haven't worked out like you wanted."
Ein wanted to cry, but he couldn't in front of her. Instead, he took a deep breath and--"So what if my life isn't perfect. There are some things more important than having a normal life."
"Like what?"
Like what? "Well, I guess, there's our dreams. And I don't mean our normal college-job dreams."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean the special dreams. The really special ones. The ones we have deep down inside us." He swallowed. "So maybe I'm not gonna get to follow my normal college-job dream, but that just means I'll have the opportunity to go after my special one. Yeah, so you don't have to worry about me, Princess. Go to college and don't think that I'm having a bad time. I'm sure I'll be having the time of my life."
"Really?"
Of course not! Ein didn't have any special dreams! He'd spent too much time thinking about his perfect life! "Really."
***
"Newton Masters!" Ein's brother walked onto the stage and got his diploma. The principal gave Newton a kiss on the cheek and the crowd cheered. Ein couldn't blame them. Newton was the president of the senior class, a star soccer player, a genius, and an all-around nice guy.
Somehow, Newton's name was called before Ein, despite the fact that Ein's name came sooner in the alphabet. But this was the way of Ein's life. He hardly questioned the oddities anymore.
"Einstein Masters." Ein walked onto stage. He received a limp handshake from the principal, and he only heard Princess's voice cheering him on. This was one of those situations that Ein's body didn't like very much. His body puffed up and sweat gushed from his skin, so much so that when he reached for his diploma, a big waterfall of sweat shot out and flooded the stage. He didn't see where the sweat landed. He only felt the great mass leave his body. So when he was walking away, he didn't notice the puddle under his feet. He slipped and his head banged the wood floor.
The next thing he knew, he was waking up at the back of the auditorium, with the nurse holding a bag of ice on his head.
"Mr. Mannies, are you all right?"
"Yes."
Princess was on stage, in the middle of her speech. Ein had always planned on being the valedictorian of his class, but considering that his average GPA was a D, Princess was probably the better choice, with her A+++.
He waited for the ringing in his ears to quiet, so he could listen.
"We had some good times, and some bad times," Princess said, looking down. "But the most important thing was that we shared this time together. The most important thing I learned in these four years is'" Princess was obviously reading from a card, and she looked miserable. Her eyes caught Ein's and she was quiet for a white. Then, she said, "The most important thing I learned is that you don't have to be smart to be the smartest kid at school. All you need is parents who breathe down your neck if you get anything less than an A. So I guess what I've learned from high school is that it doesn't matter how smart or nice you are, success is based solely upon how scared you are of failing. But you know what, mom? I'm not scared anymore. Someone taught me that there's something more important than these college-job dreams we're supposed to have. There's other dreams. Special dreams. So instead of going to college, I'm going to follow my own special dream. My dream of becoming the best professional gluttonist in the world!"
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