Posted: 30 December 2009 at 4:31pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by gumsum
Originally posted by *Woh Ajnabee*
I think you can resist physical temptations, but how do you resist emotional ones? If you feel attached to someone else emotionally, but still continue your marriage with your partner, simply out of respect and loyalty, you are still only pretending that the love is there, when obviously it isn't. What is the point of that kind of marriage, then? Its unfair to both people.
Absolutely not - marriage, or rather commitment, means being involved with only one person physically and emotionally.
Things are not black and white Ajnu, real life is more complex. I have known a couple from Russia who were involved with each other and the girl got pregnant at the age of 18, they decided to marry immediately, guy had no job. Anyway the girl (bride) died due to childbirth complications shortly after the wedding, and this guy had nobody except a 3 months old to care for. He managed to raise him by himself for over an year and then got married to someone who was in love with him. Now he had love feelings for his ex when he got married but he made every effort to make his marriage work and now they are very happily married, very very good friends of ours. He said he will always have a soft-spot for the ex but its in that part of his heart which he rarely goes to. His wife is his present and he loves her loads. His wife was smiling when he was sharing his story:)
Personally if I trade spots, I would not mind if my husband had been in a relationship before we got married and if he even has strong feelings when we got married as long as I love him. I would call it a grace period where one should make every effort to make the relationship work. Now even after a few years he doesn't care for me, and puts my needs over his needs then he needs to release me. But on a serious note, I am a lucky person to have him, hope he feels the same.
Yeah, I agree, Gunjan, nothing is black or white. However, the case you're referring to here is irrelevant to this discussion. The infidelity that we're discussing here is one partner cheating on the other partner without their consent. Your friends' story, however sweet, deals with what happens when one partner loses another partner. Obviously its hard for people to move on after having loved someone and then losing them to death. There are many examples of people who spend the rest of their life with the memory of the past, and there are several others who move on in relationships with other people, but of course that does not mean that they seize to love their previous partner.
We're not discussing previous relationships here, more than half the people don't care if their partner was in a relationship before marriage, that's besides the point. People change and move on. However, I sure can guarantee that you will have a problem if your partner decides to have a relationship behind your back now that you're married. That's infidelity.