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Khaya
IF-Stunnerz
Joined: 14 December 2006
Posts: 25184
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well,
 |
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. |
|
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. |
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Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. |
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Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. |
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Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. |
But what does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment.
"Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.
The Russians used a pencil.
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...."
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To stamp out fires. |
Why do elephants have flat feet?
|
To stamp out burning ducks |
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off ' go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
"Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.
The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."
"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"
The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
The following 11 member(s) liked the above post:
brownmuslim, Ditto100, sweet_gurl93, AmbyCious, chikuu, tazy_rahul, Girl_2007, chhilt, Kai., mishti_17, P.Kamaljit.Sean,
SRK-ian
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kishwar1990
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Kai.
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Joined: 25 February 2007
Posts: 11667
Rukki - u always come up with the best jokes ever!!!
Khaya
IF-Stunnerz
Joined: 14 December 2006
Posts: 25184
Rukki - u always come up with the best jokes ever!!!
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