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The Big Shift (rewritten prologue+chap I pg 3)

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Pooj@

IF-Dazzler

Pooj@

Joined: 10 February 2009

Posts: 3078

Posted: 22 November 2009 at 1:35am | IP Logged
Please check out the story!

Read and Review!

Your comments will be greatly appreciated!


Brief Summary:

THE BIG SHIFT
A party loving girl...a strict dad... and a one week medical camp in a remote village..A new friend, A dedicated social worker and a cute volunteer...a tale of India and Bharat-two different countries in one nation...




The rewritten version starts from page 3.
Regards,
Pooja





Edited by Pooj@ - 21 March 2010 at 1:13pm

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_.serendipity._curledup

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Pooj@

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Pooj@

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Posted: 22 November 2009 at 1:36am | IP Logged

The Big Shift

 

Prolouge

 

"It's my final warning to you, Dad. It's Paris or nothing......"

 

A humorless laugh escaped his lips.

 

"My own daughter is saying such words to me. Of all the things I have taught you, I should have remembered to have educated you in behavior. Don't you know what should your conduct be with your elders? I have made my choice. You are not going to Paris."

 

"You were never home to teach me anything...Mom taught me everything..........."

 

The man's voice became strained, and Mitali knew she had touched a soft spot......

 

"Don't drag her into this......."

 

"She died because of you.......And don't you say anything......You have no right........"

 

He took a deep guttural breath.........

 

"It's time you became aware of yourself and your responsibilities, and your duty to the people around you."

 

She scoffed at his words. "Oh really? And what is your plan?"

 

He exhaled.

 

"It's decided. You are going as a volunteer in the one week medical camp at Jasaar......"

 

"What? I am not!"

 

"Yes, my daughter, you are......."

 

She knew exactly what Jasaar was........Being familiar with Devashri, she knew what Jasaar stood for.....It represented the Indian rural area, absence of electricity, no cell phone coverage and no other means of communication.

 

In other world, one week isolation from India, in the depths of Bharat..........



Edited by Pooj@ - 17 December 2009 at 11:19am

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_.serendipity._ruhaGirl_2007

ruha

IF-Dazzler

ruha

Joined: 08 April 2008

Posts: 3537

Posted: 24 November 2009 at 10:38am | IP Logged
Great Dear,will be waiting for moreClap

Pooj@

IF-Dazzler

Pooj@

Joined: 10 February 2009

Posts: 3078

Posted: 17 December 2009 at 11:16am | IP Logged
Thanks! i am glad that you liked it!

Pooj@

IF-Dazzler

Pooj@

Joined: 10 February 2009

Posts: 3078

Posted: 17 December 2009 at 11:21am | IP Logged

Chapter One

Day 1

 

 

A cloud of dust hung low over the horizon, and the rickety jeep spewed black smoke as it bounced over the potholed roads.

 

Mitali looked out through the dirty stained glass window of the jeep…….

 

A brown dry monotony of the surroundings was occasionally relieved by a spurt of green…..The day was dry and no generous black cloud was to be seen in the azure sky………….

 

The jeep passed over a pothole, and everyone jumped about a foot in the air….Mitali swore under her breath violently….

 

In the past 18 years of her pampered life, she had never even set foot in a 15 foot radius of such an ancient rickety vehicle…

 

But now, she was being forcibly sent to an obscure village in the interiors of Maharashtra to volunteer in a medical camp, work impartially, unselfishly for thousands of nameless, faceless strangers……

 

The sun was at the top of the sky and its ruthless rays heated up the jeep…..A brief breeze of cool wind was non existent and in the absence of a cell phone, an Ipod or a PSP, the only thing she could do was wait for the one absolutely tiresome week to end……….

 

A fly came too close to her ear and she swatted it away, hoping to swat away her own problems with the same ease….

 

Apart from herself, four passengers were in the jeep, all sitting silently, lost in their own thoughts….

 

Her eyes turned to the woman sitting in the middle seat….Devashri Joshi was a well known social worker, who had struggled against the vice grip of liquor in the state….Devashri Joshi was not beautiful or attractive. Clad in a simple sari, she seemed to be just another housewife, but there was something about her eyes, which set her apart from the rest.

 

Her dark smoldering eyes were eloquent, speaking of the hardships of the rural community and their everyday battles….Her words were few, but the people around her soaked them up faster than a sponge….

 

As Mitali's eyes turned to the woman sitting beside Devashri, her lips curled up in a lazy smile…

 

Jeevana Mukharjee was one big phony, and everyone knew it….Her endless efforts to project herself as a hardworking, dedicated social worker in the NGO went unnoticed…..But wife of a rich business tycoon, seeing hopping in and out of NGOs was more beneficial to her than to be seen flitting in and out through malls and pubs…So Jeevana Mukharjee had stuck to the NGO Sahayaa (Help)…………

 

The third person was a young girl sitting opposite to her…Even though she was pretending otherwise, Mitali was fully aware that the girl had been staring at her for the past ten minutes……

 

Exasperated, she turned her head fully towards the girl…..Blushing, the girl looked away….

 

"Sujala, can you please pass me the water bottle?"

 

The girl hastily passed a water bottle to Devashri, adoration flowing from her eyes….

 

Mitali was now observing her, amused at the small exchange. Sujala was clad in a slightly old salwaar kameez, her hair tied in a small braid and a bindi on her forehead.

 

The overall effect was surprisingly pleasing. Sujala was beautiful in a different, distinctive Indian way…..

 

Sujala looked at Mitali and smiled shyly….

 

Weary, Mitali started the conversation with a smile…. "Hi, I am Mitali….."

 

"Sujala…." She replied in a low musical voice….

 

"How old are you?"

 

"19……and you?"

 

"18 running….What do you do? Are you a student?"

 

"Ummm….yes…I took a nursing course after my 10th board…..I still have one more year to go…"

 

"Cool….."

 

There was silence for a minute, but Sujala turned out to be an ardent conversationalist, and even though Mitali would never admit it aloud, it was interesting and intriguing to talk to her.

 

Born in Jasara, the village where they were currently heading, she was the third daughter of four children. Her eldest sister passed away in an accident and other sister was now married with a child.

 

 Devashri had taken her under her wing, and she had led her life in Pune, studying hard for scholarships, eager to stand on her feet to support the family.

 

"I got the Desai Scholarship for my nursing course…..From your father's company…." She said haltingly……….

 

"What? My father's company offers a scholarship?" Mitali asked incredulously…..

 

Sujala stared back at her, wondering at Mitali's ignorance towards her father's business and charity matters………

 

Devashri managed to prevent a smile from appearing on her face… Atul Desai's idea was working perfectly……..

 

"Oh good. We are here. That's our house" she said proudly.

 

Sujala looked out of the window, a joyful smile illuminating her face.

 

Mitali examined the object of Sujala's delight and pride, trying to keep out her intial prejudice and criticism…

 

The house was a small one, unpainted and untiled, giving a general appearance of dishevelment. Stray hens were pecking in the courtyard and loud moos could be heard from the back. A wall was plastered with cow dung cakes and the dark mud floor too seemed to have been coated with it.

 

A woman stood near the vrindavan of holy basil, looking at the approaching jeep with undisguised eagerness….

 

She took a deep breath. There were going to be long seven days ahead.



Edited by Pooj@ - 17 December 2009 at 11:23am

The following 4 member(s) liked the above post:

_.serendipity._souroGirl_2007curledup

_.serendipity._

Senior Member

_.serendipity._

Joined: 14 October 2009

Posts: 231

Posted: 19 December 2009 at 5:01am | IP Logged
I love this story. It's very well-written. And the concept is brilliant!!
Update soon..

Pooj@

IF-Dazzler

Pooj@

Joined: 10 February 2009

Posts: 3078

Posted: 20 December 2009 at 11:05am | IP Logged
Thank you! I am glad that you liked it! I will try to update soon!

*Nishi*

IF-Sizzlerz

*Nishi*

Joined: 26 January 2008

Posts: 14066

Posted: 21 December 2009 at 5:31pm | IP Logged
yeah nicely written.. looking forward to more :)

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